Last night, when I returned from powder puff football practice (they let anyone join, even me!), my legs throbbed from the drills the coaches made us do, my body fatigued from the day's events, and my mind tired from focusing on when to yell "pass," "ball," and "over," and the first thing my mom asked me upon entering the back door was whether I had dinner. It was approximately 9:20 when I got back - I sure hope I ate by then! "Yes, thank you," I responded. It was as if she didn't hear me because the next question I got was, "Do you want some fruit?" and again, I tried, as politely as I could, to say no. "There's pizza if you want, leftover from our dinner!" she yelled from the living room and as I walked through the kitchen, I could see one little thin slice sitting on a plate and saran wrapped. I love thin crust pizza.. but I wasn't hungry. "And we have some mooncake but you shouldn't eat that cuz it's fattening!" she told me. "Okay! Thank you mom!" I replied. I was exasperated. A bit perturbed. But that's what mothers do right... they bug you until you call it nagging but it's really just affection.
Living at home is a constant challenge.. especially at 27. I think I've analyzed it enough to conclude it is due to the fact that these people who raised you, taught you everything you knew, are now your roommates AND your parents- which is hard. Plus, you've already been out on your own and now you have to come back and try to mesh your preferences together. Now, it's as if you're a guest and you're not here in the long run but just temporarily staying over for a bit.
The worst part is - I end up feeling like a lousy daughter when I think.. ugh, why are they nagging me?! The first thing my dad usually says when he comes home is where's the lil girl? - but in Chinese - I can't use pinyin well so forgive me for the lost in translation attempt. My mom loves getting updates on my life - how's work and has an impeccable memory that results in inquiries about every single friend I have had since elementary school and sometimes I just want to scream - I don't know where she is! I haven't talked to her since middle school!
So this morning, as I scattered half a dozen skirts and tops all over my purple sheet covered bed, trying to find something appropriate for a meeting with the senior manager and cute for when I meet up with a handsome guy later while carefully balancing the fact that I really wanted to wear the Chanel earrings Grace got me from Hawaii, my mom pranced in and plopped down on the spot which hadn't been engulfed by my clothing options. This is a rather normal occurrence - being in real estate gives her so much flexibility so she doesn't usually get ready for work until I leave. I tilted my hips sideways as I hopped into my tiny closet that is carefully placed in the corner of the room where the sleigh bed meets the door opening (sometimes I've hit myself while doing this and have to bite my knuckles in pain as the throbbing subsides) and as I did so, I asked if she had heard from Lay-Lay (my brother) as of late. To no surprise, she hadn't. (Guys don't seem to like calling their mothers as much as girls and guys don't also seem as privy to share detailed updates on their lives with their mothers... something my mom often complains about. A lot of what's going on in Lay-Lay's life is usually relayed by me and then if anything is important enough, retold to Momma Chou by my brother again.)
She stared at me and just kinda observed so I asked her what she had for dinner last night. "Yesterday we had pizza for dinner." Oh yeah! I knew that! She then continued... "You know, I got really sad yesterday." Oh man.. this is definitely because of the 'tude I gave her when I came home because I was irritated at her repetitive questions about whether I had eaten. "Oh.. " I continued. "Why..." I asked... a bit fearful of the admonishment I'd soon encounter.
"Well, I went in to get pizza for Dad and I at the Pizza Hut on Second. I was waiting there for the one pizza I ordered - thin crust, soooo good, and I thought of all those times when I used to go with Lay-Lay to pick up a bunch of pizzas for the whole family. But this time, I was sitting there by myself and nobody was with me. And then I started to cry because I missed those times when Lay-Lay would go with me and we'd eat together as a family. Yesterday, the only people eating the one pizza we got was Dad and me. And.. we didn't even get buffalo wings."
Awwww. My mom's so cute. It's hard to stop looking to the past sometimes.. especially when it was filled with happy moments. I reminded my mom that the future would also have lots in store. It didn't hurt to add that she is having a load of fun with my dad, that they go to all sorts of fun college and elementary school reunions together, that they have friends to hang out with, eat dinner and go dancing with! I told her to have fun now because when she had grandkids, she'd have even more options to juggle between. To that she laughed and said... hurry up then!
As I reflected on this morning's events... I thought...sometimes, we can smile about the past.. but we shouldn't stick around there too long.. and instead should really should learn to put it behind us. As good or as bad as it was... it belongs in the past and must stay there in order for the present to get to the future. A friend once reminded me about Lot's wife when I was apprehensive about the past and its influence on my present and future. It's one of the biggest challenges about finding the gospel and adapting to be a daughter of God. Time after time, I am faced with questions about why I've changed my standards, why I no longer participate in inappropriate joking and why I spend so much time with God. Over and over, I have explained that I didn't really choose myself... instead, the Lord gave me signs that indicated why I must not choose otherwise. In a way, I am obedient because I know the consequences of not doing so and I am faithful EVEN if it is hard. And I have been blessed because of it and that joy is undeniable and indescribable.
So remember Lot's wife. Who's Lot's wife you ask? So in the Bible, there was a story about Lot and his wife who were both instructed by the Lord to "Escape for thy life, look not behind thee . . . ; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed" (Genesis 19:17). Lot and his wife left and his wife, against the instruction of the Lord, looked back.. and then... dun dun DUNNNNN.. she turned into a pillar of salt. Lesson learned... every time you find yourself dwelling on the past.. think, that's salty and try to avoid it!
As for my mum, it's an example of dwelling on the good parts of the past, which not as cunningly trapping as the bad times, can also be dangerous if it distracts you enough that you're unable to focus on the present. But... she's right, those were good times. And I also look back and smile and then think.. there's a slice of cold pizza at home waiting for me. How good that makes my heart feel!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
It Always Counts
I fondly remember when we used to have spelling pre-tests in elementary school. They would be short and sweet--a mere preview of the tests to come later that week. I was quite fond of being a big dork, the kind that leans to the left (I'm right handed) and covers her paper with her left arm as she furtively writes in the words announced by the teacher and used in a sentence. And even when I found out the scores didn't matter and it was just a push to remind the less attentive students (aka slackers) that they needed to study for the big test - I knew it counted. Of course, it didn't.... but it helped me prepare for the actual test and it pushed me to study, prepare, and fail that test would I not!
And then I started working, and the tests (post CPA certification) were long gone. In its place were annual reviews but besides contributing to some subjective decision about the compensation package I was to have in the subsequent year, I wasn't privy to much of my file. I was told how I did and given a brief synopsis of things to improve on... but there was nothing tangible for me to grasp. So does the day to day stuff not count as much? Or what does count?
Last week... I counted my lucky marbles.
I was tasked to notify all those I have close working relationships with, particularly the partners and senior managers, of my two weeks notice. They were not difficult conversations rather they were enjoyable and conversational. In fact, almost all four conversations started with some catching up and me giving them an briefing on the joys of Southern cooking (I was in South Carolina all last week for an assignment) which consisted of buttered, fried, re-fried and did I mention... butter? Everything was slathered with butter or if not, was sitting in a tub of melted butter. I think you get the point.
p.s. Not very conducive to the new goal of slimming down for the wedding I am in come November.
I told all of them about the state of mind I had been in for a while. It began about a year ago when I was looking for another opportunity and the chance to go to San Jose for six months fell into my lap with the Learning and Education ("L&E") group. I went with high hopes and though I found the gospel, spent much needed time with the BFF and found myself - I also learned L&E was not for me and client service seemed a much better fit. Upon coming back... I quickly realized the passion I once had - the excitement at each planning, update and teaming meeting - had vanished. In its place, I grew bored and dull by every acronym thrown at me, at every FAS - wait they are codifying it!!!, and every technical alert revealed. And with the boredom, came the indifference that led to an unproductive and inattentive worker by the name of Daisy.
I told them I had analyzed the things I liked and disliked about the job in detail. I liked the people, like the Firm, like organizing, managing projects and teams, and liked interacting with everyone. I disliked the hours, the commute, and the technical aspect (which only grows to be more and more with each passing year!). But most important, the job didn't seem to be in line with my long term goals. I didn't tell them I had long planned to leave and become a school teacher back in 2006 - that was unnecessary. My plans had fallen through and at the time, continuing to work was the best option. Plus, I was still learning! I was still challenged! And I was still having fun! I also didn't tell them how low morale had gotten in light of the recent economic downturn. There was no need since it was pretty obvious and as corny as it sounds, we really are lucky to have a job despite the lack of salary increases this year (beats a salary cut).
Many friends (who are greater than acquaintances but less than close cronies) have often commented on the shock they find when I tell them of my utmost priority of having a family. I've been asked - but if you're good at this, why would you not do it. And what? I ask. Stay until partner? It's for some people, but it's not for me. If I can be a good associate or senior associate, I can be an amazing mom. Trust me... the latter is definitely harder. Even when I shared the decision to quit without a job, I was told, That's very unlike you Daisy. Upon explaining the plan of action I had ... some agreed it was best and some remained silent as indication of a polite and reverent disagreement.
It wasn't a quick decision. It wasn't an easy decision. It was long and thought out and extremely difficult. I talked to family. I talked to friends. I talked to Church leaders. I talked to people my Church leaders introduced me to. I weighed all my options. I prayed. And then... I made a decision.
I took that decision to the Temple two weeks ago...
I asked simply... for confirmation that this was the right thing to do.
I immediately felt a shiver... followed by what I imagine as God reaching out to hug me and comfort me that the decision was right. Rest assured by the embrace and touched by such a powerful and immediate response, my eyes filled with tears of joy.
But I was still nervous. I still had hesitations. And I had nothing. I mean.. in all honesty, I had a few business ideas and things to do, but it was a 100% pay cut and it was risky.
Despite the faltering anxiety, I trusted my friends, my family and most importantly, Heavenly Father.
Flash forward to the two weeks notice talks. First ... a partner asked me if I'd be interested in recruiting. I'll be honest, I thought - man, those hour are going to be just as bad for at least 6 months with all their night time recruiting events! But I wanted to keep my options open so I said sure. A day later, I got the news that there was a spot (hooray!) but another candidate was being considered and he/she was more qualified than me (sad face and ellipse).
Second... the senior manager asked me if I'd consider another non client service internal role. I told him the truth - it wasn't something I'd considered prior to quitting, it wasn't my intention when I gave notice - but yes, I'd be interested in hearing more. On Saturday, he called me back and offered me a role within the Firm which deals with deployment of teams and projecting revenue. It was a people heavy type role and my background with client service would help, the hours would be better and I could start immediately but.. (there's always a but) ...there was one small caveat. Given the recent turnover frenzy, I'd be asked to stay for four weeks for one of my client year-ends. I had already considered staying but knew my heart wasn't in it and my work would be questionable. Given the new situation, I had an incentive to do well!
Nothing is final yet .. but the recent turn of events made me realize how much it always counts. It being anything and everything and nothing doesn't count. Just like this mortal life is the time for us to prepare for our eternal lives... everything - little or not - what we do here in this life, prepares us for other things in this life and ultimately all the little things add up to that great day of judgment.
I am so grateful that someone noticed me and realized, I would be a good fit for something besides client service. There might not be anymore "official" pre-tests, but everything counts. Everything helps. Everything matters... even the small things.
Moreover, when you feel dejected about your honest and true efforts to do good or feel neglected, know that He is watching, He is noticing and He cares. His hand is in our lives... so trust Him and know that He blesses you for the righteous and good things you do... and in the end....that pure heart and mind you have committed to, the determination to keep His commandments, to recognize a wrongdoing and commit to change for the better, the service you provide to others, the helping hand, the caring support-- it all matters and... it always counts.
And then I started working, and the tests (post CPA certification) were long gone. In its place were annual reviews but besides contributing to some subjective decision about the compensation package I was to have in the subsequent year, I wasn't privy to much of my file. I was told how I did and given a brief synopsis of things to improve on... but there was nothing tangible for me to grasp. So does the day to day stuff not count as much? Or what does count?
Last week... I counted my lucky marbles.
I was tasked to notify all those I have close working relationships with, particularly the partners and senior managers, of my two weeks notice. They were not difficult conversations rather they were enjoyable and conversational. In fact, almost all four conversations started with some catching up and me giving them an briefing on the joys of Southern cooking (I was in South Carolina all last week for an assignment) which consisted of buttered, fried, re-fried and did I mention... butter? Everything was slathered with butter or if not, was sitting in a tub of melted butter. I think you get the point.
p.s. Not very conducive to the new goal of slimming down for the wedding I am in come November.
I told all of them about the state of mind I had been in for a while. It began about a year ago when I was looking for another opportunity and the chance to go to San Jose for six months fell into my lap with the Learning and Education ("L&E") group. I went with high hopes and though I found the gospel, spent much needed time with the BFF and found myself - I also learned L&E was not for me and client service seemed a much better fit. Upon coming back... I quickly realized the passion I once had - the excitement at each planning, update and teaming meeting - had vanished. In its place, I grew bored and dull by every acronym thrown at me, at every FAS - wait they are codifying it!!!, and every technical alert revealed. And with the boredom, came the indifference that led to an unproductive and inattentive worker by the name of Daisy.
I told them I had analyzed the things I liked and disliked about the job in detail. I liked the people, like the Firm, like organizing, managing projects and teams, and liked interacting with everyone. I disliked the hours, the commute, and the technical aspect (which only grows to be more and more with each passing year!). But most important, the job didn't seem to be in line with my long term goals. I didn't tell them I had long planned to leave and become a school teacher back in 2006 - that was unnecessary. My plans had fallen through and at the time, continuing to work was the best option. Plus, I was still learning! I was still challenged! And I was still having fun! I also didn't tell them how low morale had gotten in light of the recent economic downturn. There was no need since it was pretty obvious and as corny as it sounds, we really are lucky to have a job despite the lack of salary increases this year (beats a salary cut).
Many friends (who are greater than acquaintances but less than close cronies) have often commented on the shock they find when I tell them of my utmost priority of having a family. I've been asked - but if you're good at this, why would you not do it. And what? I ask. Stay until partner? It's for some people, but it's not for me. If I can be a good associate or senior associate, I can be an amazing mom. Trust me... the latter is definitely harder. Even when I shared the decision to quit without a job, I was told, That's very unlike you Daisy. Upon explaining the plan of action I had ... some agreed it was best and some remained silent as indication of a polite and reverent disagreement.
It wasn't a quick decision. It wasn't an easy decision. It was long and thought out and extremely difficult. I talked to family. I talked to friends. I talked to Church leaders. I talked to people my Church leaders introduced me to. I weighed all my options. I prayed. And then... I made a decision.
I took that decision to the Temple two weeks ago...
I asked simply... for confirmation that this was the right thing to do.
I immediately felt a shiver... followed by what I imagine as God reaching out to hug me and comfort me that the decision was right. Rest assured by the embrace and touched by such a powerful and immediate response, my eyes filled with tears of joy.
But I was still nervous. I still had hesitations. And I had nothing. I mean.. in all honesty, I had a few business ideas and things to do, but it was a 100% pay cut and it was risky.
Despite the faltering anxiety, I trusted my friends, my family and most importantly, Heavenly Father.
Flash forward to the two weeks notice talks. First ... a partner asked me if I'd be interested in recruiting. I'll be honest, I thought - man, those hour are going to be just as bad for at least 6 months with all their night time recruiting events! But I wanted to keep my options open so I said sure. A day later, I got the news that there was a spot (hooray!) but another candidate was being considered and he/she was more qualified than me (sad face and ellipse).
Second... the senior manager asked me if I'd consider another non client service internal role. I told him the truth - it wasn't something I'd considered prior to quitting, it wasn't my intention when I gave notice - but yes, I'd be interested in hearing more. On Saturday, he called me back and offered me a role within the Firm which deals with deployment of teams and projecting revenue. It was a people heavy type role and my background with client service would help, the hours would be better and I could start immediately but.. (there's always a but) ...there was one small caveat. Given the recent turnover frenzy, I'd be asked to stay for four weeks for one of my client year-ends. I had already considered staying but knew my heart wasn't in it and my work would be questionable. Given the new situation, I had an incentive to do well!
Nothing is final yet .. but the recent turn of events made me realize how much it always counts. It being anything and everything and nothing doesn't count. Just like this mortal life is the time for us to prepare for our eternal lives... everything - little or not - what we do here in this life, prepares us for other things in this life and ultimately all the little things add up to that great day of judgment.
I am so grateful that someone noticed me and realized, I would be a good fit for something besides client service. There might not be anymore "official" pre-tests, but everything counts. Everything helps. Everything matters... even the small things.
Moreover, when you feel dejected about your honest and true efforts to do good or feel neglected, know that He is watching, He is noticing and He cares. His hand is in our lives... so trust Him and know that He blesses you for the righteous and good things you do... and in the end....that pure heart and mind you have committed to, the determination to keep His commandments, to recognize a wrongdoing and commit to change for the better, the service you provide to others, the helping hand, the caring support-- it all matters and... it always counts.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Pie of Daisy
My conversion story is full of minute details that have yet to be fully captured on paper which makes it complicated when people ask.. so how did you come across the Church? Yet the more people I meet, the more stories I hear and the more testimonies that are shared with me... the more I realize...all these stories simply collide in a beautiful harmony that is a constant tune reminding me that everyone is a convert to this Church. Whether that chance encounter was from a knock on the door from missionaries, a missionary approaching you on the streets, a friend sharing the gospel, an acknowledgment of truth after searching for yourself, a determination to prove the Church wrong, a curiosity to know more, or simply a leap of faith... we all have our conversion stories.
The commonality is nothing more than a sincere surrender of pride that results in a desire to know the truth.
So I make no attempt to make this blog entry a story about the conversion, but instead to offer a bit of simplicity in the long story that is me coming to know the Church is true.
I was e-mailing Keiko, a good friend from Colombia that I was lucky enough to meet this summer based on a chance encounter she had with Quinn on a train that resulted in us sharing the gospel with her and many more summer fun time memories, and explaining to her the happiness that I felt from the gospel. But upon doing so, I paused and backspaced to the word "happiness." It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I was happy before the gospel, meaning my life was one that had meaning. I laughed, I partied, I worked hard, I saved money, I hung out with family and friends, I made friends easily, I was boy crazy, I liked telling stupid jokes and I was-yup, you guessed it... happy!
So as I was about to tell her I am happier - I stopped. That simple phrase, as succinct as it attempted to be... was not doing it justice. I was not just happier. I was .... and the word came to me. Fulfilled.
I started to liken my life before the gospel to that of a pie chart. I had many things in my life that made it 100% but there was still a void there despite the pie looking full!
There's actually no room for anything else in my life in this pie chart... but what the gospel did for me was... created an outline to my life, redefined some of the parts in my pie and kicked out useless parts that didn't contribute fully to the "happiness" in my life.
My pie is a bit different now, but it's a more complete pie even if it looks just as scattered as above.. it just has a stronger circumference of faith keeping it together.
p.s. Andy was next to me as I made that chart, otherwise.. would I have put him as less, more, categorized him with a previous category or none of the above? *snicker and giggle.
The commonality is nothing more than a sincere surrender of pride that results in a desire to know the truth.
So I make no attempt to make this blog entry a story about the conversion, but instead to offer a bit of simplicity in the long story that is me coming to know the Church is true.
I was e-mailing Keiko, a good friend from Colombia that I was lucky enough to meet this summer based on a chance encounter she had with Quinn on a train that resulted in us sharing the gospel with her and many more summer fun time memories, and explaining to her the happiness that I felt from the gospel. But upon doing so, I paused and backspaced to the word "happiness." It's no surprise to anyone who knows me that I was happy before the gospel, meaning my life was one that had meaning. I laughed, I partied, I worked hard, I saved money, I hung out with family and friends, I made friends easily, I was boy crazy, I liked telling stupid jokes and I was-yup, you guessed it... happy!
So as I was about to tell her I am happier - I stopped. That simple phrase, as succinct as it attempted to be... was not doing it justice. I was not just happier. I was .... and the word came to me. Fulfilled.
I started to liken my life before the gospel to that of a pie chart. I had many things in my life that made it 100% but there was still a void there despite the pie looking full!
There's actually no room for anything else in my life in this pie chart... but what the gospel did for me was... created an outline to my life, redefined some of the parts in my pie and kicked out useless parts that didn't contribute fully to the "happiness" in my life.
My pie is a bit different now, but it's a more complete pie even if it looks just as scattered as above.. it just has a stronger circumference of faith keeping it together.
p.s. Andy was next to me as I made that chart, otherwise.. would I have put him as less, more, categorized him with a previous category or none of the above? *snicker and giggle.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
What The Lil Munchkin Taught Me
This last weekend, I met a lil munchkin by the name of Sophie.
Words can't describe how adorable she is.
Pictures can't capture how edible she is.
Alas, a video can attempt to do what I cannot.
She had just awakened from her slumber when I first met her. Shy and not yet ready to meet new people, she quickly smuggled her face towards her daddy's legs when introduced to me. Her shyness slowly melted away as she got excited for her bath and spoke in broken fragments of the things she needed such as her towel, her bath toys and squealed with joy about her princess shampoo.
Of all the many moments I spent with Sophie, the lessons I learned from her were mostly from the moments in her toy filled-easy-bake-kitchen complete-garage transformed playroom.
We didn't start out alone. I joined her and her Uncle Andy as she was having a sip of milk with him. Uncle Andy asked if I could also have some milk and she eagerly went about finding another cup. She politely confirmed with me if I wanted a drink (but in fewer words and more hand gestures) and after acknowledging I did, she meticulously rinsed the cup I would use with water (again, just the motions - no real water in this kitchen) before pouring (or the actions of pouring) me some milk. She had something in her microwave, sandwich particles on the side that she was scrambling to put together, and as her mum walked in to also join the party, she quickly grabbed another cup so she could get her mum some milk as well. A lil hostess in the making, Sophie took care of her mom and then continued on her way to prepare more food. Her mom and Uncle Andy left the room and it was just Sophie and I in her kitchen so what else was there to do but make some pizza!!!
The pizza toys were little wood slices with Velcro toppings we could arrange. She had mushroom, pepperoni and vegetable toppings available so we worked together to find all the pieces to top onto our wood slices. In a frenzy of gathering the right pieces to prepare our pizza, Sophie was going through all her supplies and kept bouncing up to grab something then back down to the floor where I was. In the middle of all this cooking madness, Sophie stopped what she was doing, grabbed her Dalmatian puppy dog (stuffed animal) and held it close to her chest, caressing it and softly speaking to it. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying but the moment was captured in my heart. For that split second, among the many tasks she had on hand, she stopped to let her puppy know she cared... something we adults too often forget to do with our loved ones. It looked kind of like this ...
I'm unsure if she was mimicking her own mother or if it was instinctive, but it was precious. After she was done with the puppy, she set him down and went about her cooking again. Knowing that Uncle Andy despises mushrooms, claiming they are fungus and why would he ever eat such a thing, I informed Sophie that a mushroom pizza should be made for Uncle Andy. I told her what the mushrooms looked like and when we found them, we placed them atop a slice for Uncle Andy. The rest of the slices were filled with pepperoni and vegetables and once finalized, she was ready to serve everyone her masterpiece!
Sophie carefully carried the tray of pizza we had made into the living room where her parents were. She served her parents but as she got ready to serve piggy and her baby, she stopped me and told me the mushroom slice was for Uncle Andy, picked it up and quickly shuffled her way to the bathroom where she knew Uncle Andy was. She shouted Andy's name on her way there and once there, softly knocked on the door and whispered Andyyyyy. As he opened the door, she lengthened her lil arms to extend the pizza she had proudly made for him. He smiled and reached out for the pizza, saying "gross" in a happy tone that could have been mistaken for "yum!" and she quickly closed the door, not letting him say anything more. She cut him off and shuffled back to the living room where she had to serve everyone else. So... maybe I shouldn't feed her lies about her Uncle Andy's food preference or once she learns how to cook, she may be making him mushroom swiss burgers, portabello sandwiches and mushroom pizza. *grin And from that I learned... lil white lies.. even if intended to be funny... are no bueno!
Words can't describe how adorable she is.
Pictures can't capture how edible she is.
Alas, a video can attempt to do what I cannot.
She had just awakened from her slumber when I first met her. Shy and not yet ready to meet new people, she quickly smuggled her face towards her daddy's legs when introduced to me. Her shyness slowly melted away as she got excited for her bath and spoke in broken fragments of the things she needed such as her towel, her bath toys and squealed with joy about her princess shampoo.
Of all the many moments I spent with Sophie, the lessons I learned from her were mostly from the moments in her toy filled-easy-bake-kitchen complete-garage transformed playroom.
We didn't start out alone. I joined her and her Uncle Andy as she was having a sip of milk with him. Uncle Andy asked if I could also have some milk and she eagerly went about finding another cup. She politely confirmed with me if I wanted a drink (but in fewer words and more hand gestures) and after acknowledging I did, she meticulously rinsed the cup I would use with water (again, just the motions - no real water in this kitchen) before pouring (or the actions of pouring) me some milk. She had something in her microwave, sandwich particles on the side that she was scrambling to put together, and as her mum walked in to also join the party, she quickly grabbed another cup so she could get her mum some milk as well. A lil hostess in the making, Sophie took care of her mom and then continued on her way to prepare more food. Her mom and Uncle Andy left the room and it was just Sophie and I in her kitchen so what else was there to do but make some pizza!!!
The pizza toys were little wood slices with Velcro toppings we could arrange. She had mushroom, pepperoni and vegetable toppings available so we worked together to find all the pieces to top onto our wood slices. In a frenzy of gathering the right pieces to prepare our pizza, Sophie was going through all her supplies and kept bouncing up to grab something then back down to the floor where I was. In the middle of all this cooking madness, Sophie stopped what she was doing, grabbed her Dalmatian puppy dog (stuffed animal) and held it close to her chest, caressing it and softly speaking to it. I couldn't quite hear what she was saying but the moment was captured in my heart. For that split second, among the many tasks she had on hand, she stopped to let her puppy know she cared... something we adults too often forget to do with our loved ones. It looked kind of like this ...
I'm unsure if she was mimicking her own mother or if it was instinctive, but it was precious. After she was done with the puppy, she set him down and went about her cooking again. Knowing that Uncle Andy despises mushrooms, claiming they are fungus and why would he ever eat such a thing, I informed Sophie that a mushroom pizza should be made for Uncle Andy. I told her what the mushrooms looked like and when we found them, we placed them atop a slice for Uncle Andy. The rest of the slices were filled with pepperoni and vegetables and once finalized, she was ready to serve everyone her masterpiece!
Sophie carefully carried the tray of pizza we had made into the living room where her parents were. She served her parents but as she got ready to serve piggy and her baby, she stopped me and told me the mushroom slice was for Uncle Andy, picked it up and quickly shuffled her way to the bathroom where she knew Uncle Andy was. She shouted Andy's name on her way there and once there, softly knocked on the door and whispered Andyyyyy. As he opened the door, she lengthened her lil arms to extend the pizza she had proudly made for him. He smiled and reached out for the pizza, saying "gross" in a happy tone that could have been mistaken for "yum!" and she quickly closed the door, not letting him say anything more. She cut him off and shuffled back to the living room where she had to serve everyone else. So... maybe I shouldn't feed her lies about her Uncle Andy's food preference or once she learns how to cook, she may be making him mushroom swiss burgers, portabello sandwiches and mushroom pizza. *grin And from that I learned... lil white lies.. even if intended to be funny... are no bueno!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Looking Back...
For my senior year of college, instead of a boring thesis about the economy or financial fraud in the auditing industry, I chose to write a create thesis about what it was like growing up ABC (American Born Chinese). I haven't looked at the thesis since I got my "A" grade back - woo woo!! but just this morning, as I was printing it out to get copyrighted (you never know... just in case...) I skimmed through and realized how much I've grown in the last five years.
I was writing about independence and fearful of whether or not I could acquire it as I got ready for the real world. Five years later, I'm quite confident I've gotten there.. but lil did I know at the time that true independence wasn't just providing for yourself and living on your own.. but understanding yourself and knowing what is right or necessary for yourself regardless of the difficulties which lie therein.
"Independence has always been a difficult issue for me. It’s comforting to rely on someone else for help, advice, and financial support. My parents did exactly that for the past twenty years of my life. Whenever I found myself going through a difficult situation, my mother was always there to tell me what was right and how I should react. So why would I ever look elsewhere for a solution? Why would I ever feel the need to find my own answers?
My parents raised me with their values on life, which instilled in me important lessons on how I should live life. They have taught me so much, and these cherished lessons are the building blocks of who I am. However, I am still an individual, and luckily a self-reflective one who treasures my independence. For this reason, I must find my own way in life. My parents have given me the basic structure and value in life, which allows me to make the right decisions, but I must find my own path because ultimately, we are not the same people. This acceptance liberated me to scrutinize their beliefs and determine the best course for myself.
Armed with the financial support of my parents, I had before never understood the pain of paying for one’s bills. I had worked each summer, earned money, but that money had simply added to the banking account that my mother and father directly re-filled when I needed more money for school books, clothes, food, or entertainment needs.
I’m sure everyone goes through it, but for me, it was a very challenging experience. I was so privileged with money, so sheltered from reality, that I was not ready to face the real world. I didn’t know what it meant to have no money. I didn’t know what it meant to have to work for a living. I never needed to know.
But now all of a sudden, I am bombarded with more than I can handle. All of my time in college up until this winter break has been spent preparing myself for the future."
Perhaps I'm the only one who can sense the growth I've had since then and because I don't feel like explaining in detail what that means.. I'll leave you with this... What I learned was how important it is to always journal your feelings for yourself and maybe even others. I am guilty of ignoring my journal but remembering to make time for it is my lesson for today.
Cuz looking back is fun .. give yourself an opportunity to do so by writing in your journal more. I will start tonight!
I was writing about independence and fearful of whether or not I could acquire it as I got ready for the real world. Five years later, I'm quite confident I've gotten there.. but lil did I know at the time that true independence wasn't just providing for yourself and living on your own.. but understanding yourself and knowing what is right or necessary for yourself regardless of the difficulties which lie therein.
"Independence has always been a difficult issue for me. It’s comforting to rely on someone else for help, advice, and financial support. My parents did exactly that for the past twenty years of my life. Whenever I found myself going through a difficult situation, my mother was always there to tell me what was right and how I should react. So why would I ever look elsewhere for a solution? Why would I ever feel the need to find my own answers?
My parents raised me with their values on life, which instilled in me important lessons on how I should live life. They have taught me so much, and these cherished lessons are the building blocks of who I am. However, I am still an individual, and luckily a self-reflective one who treasures my independence. For this reason, I must find my own way in life. My parents have given me the basic structure and value in life, which allows me to make the right decisions, but I must find my own path because ultimately, we are not the same people. This acceptance liberated me to scrutinize their beliefs and determine the best course for myself.
Armed with the financial support of my parents, I had before never understood the pain of paying for one’s bills. I had worked each summer, earned money, but that money had simply added to the banking account that my mother and father directly re-filled when I needed more money for school books, clothes, food, or entertainment needs.
I’m sure everyone goes through it, but for me, it was a very challenging experience. I was so privileged with money, so sheltered from reality, that I was not ready to face the real world. I didn’t know what it meant to have no money. I didn’t know what it meant to have to work for a living. I never needed to know.
But now all of a sudden, I am bombarded with more than I can handle. All of my time in college up until this winter break has been spent preparing myself for the future."
Perhaps I'm the only one who can sense the growth I've had since then and because I don't feel like explaining in detail what that means.. I'll leave you with this... What I learned was how important it is to always journal your feelings for yourself and maybe even others. I am guilty of ignoring my journal but remembering to make time for it is my lesson for today.
Cuz looking back is fun .. give yourself an opportunity to do so by writing in your journal more. I will start tonight!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Never Stop Smiling
because you never know when someone is watching.
But... what if you don't have anything to smile about?
But... what if you're too tired to smile?
But... what if you just don't feel like it?
But... what if you'd rather just grimace?
This morning, as I was driving between instructing a mini training session, errands and clients...I became lost in thoughts of "to do's," mentally attempting to organize my calendar for the upcoming week and a bit unsettled by the bleak outlook of finding a new job, uneasy about the decisions weighing my mind, and lost in what I found to be a frown. The only frowns I like to adorn are upside down ones known as smiles.
As I sat there wondering why I couldn't muster a smile, I found my mind drifting to the difference between feigning a smile and genuinely meaning it. Upon doing so, I realized there's not much difference to anyone but yourself. The difference lies in the power of impacting others as a simple smile from you can brighten their day or give them a reason to smile as well. Smiling is contagious. Nine out of ten times a smile gets me a return smile, a friendly comment or free stuff (the latter is not often) One out of ten times, a smile goes unnoticed .. but that is rare.
So if that's the case.. a fake smile is better than no smile right?
As my mind wandered into Negative Nancy-ville and pessimism permeated the air... I realized, I now have greater reason to smile besides the fact that someone may be watching. I now smile because God always is always watching over me. As this thought overwhelmed the pessimism in the air, my frown turned upside down and I smiled.
I smiled not because someone might be watching me, because someone is watching and caring for me. And no matter how tremendous life can feel, how overbearing choices can be, my choice to draw myself closer to Him was enough to bring a goofy grin to my face once more. And at the end of the day, that choice matters more than any other choice I make.
But... what if you don't have anything to smile about?
But... what if you're too tired to smile?
But... what if you just don't feel like it?
But... what if you'd rather just grimace?
This morning, as I was driving between instructing a mini training session, errands and clients...I became lost in thoughts of "to do's," mentally attempting to organize my calendar for the upcoming week and a bit unsettled by the bleak outlook of finding a new job, uneasy about the decisions weighing my mind, and lost in what I found to be a frown. The only frowns I like to adorn are upside down ones known as smiles.
As I sat there wondering why I couldn't muster a smile, I found my mind drifting to the difference between feigning a smile and genuinely meaning it. Upon doing so, I realized there's not much difference to anyone but yourself. The difference lies in the power of impacting others as a simple smile from you can brighten their day or give them a reason to smile as well. Smiling is contagious. Nine out of ten times a smile gets me a return smile, a friendly comment or free stuff (the latter is not often) One out of ten times, a smile goes unnoticed .. but that is rare.
So if that's the case.. a fake smile is better than no smile right?
As my mind wandered into Negative Nancy-ville and pessimism permeated the air... I realized, I now have greater reason to smile besides the fact that someone may be watching. I now smile because God always is always watching over me. As this thought overwhelmed the pessimism in the air, my frown turned upside down and I smiled.
I smiled not because someone might be watching me, because someone is watching and caring for me. And no matter how tremendous life can feel, how overbearing choices can be, my choice to draw myself closer to Him was enough to bring a goofy grin to my face once more. And at the end of the day, that choice matters more than any other choice I make.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Stuck At The Airport When I Realized...
It's interesting how friendly people get when they've been waiting in the airport for a long time. Without knowing when the weather will improve, when the aircraft will be ready, when the "technical" issues will be resolved and when they can be on their way, the only thing left to do after yelling at the helpless air personnel or redeeming vouchers for expensive airport food, is to converse and make friends.
Conversation usually begins with shared sentiments of frustration soon followed by impatience… discomfort…. fatigue… and jolly consent that mutiny shall arise if this wait continues. The old adage "misery loves company" comes to mind and as I sit in the airport, finishing up some of the documentation I have left from the work week in order to fully enjoy my weekend in the City, I'm halted by the fascination (or distraction) I have with their meaningless conversation as they wait…. and wait…. and wait some more.
Out of nowhere, the air personnel suddenly announces their flight has been released to board and similar to a formation dance team, everyone waiting jumps up and cheers unanimously. "Finally" I hear a lot of them scream with pure joy. Eager to board their flight, everyone gathers their things and shakes hands with the new friends they've made and wishes them well for their weekend since they now know very well what each of their new friends is going to do whether it be a wedding, home or visiting family.
The reason I halted all work to blog about this was the realization that though not completely the same, it just might be a glimpse of what it's like on the other side of the veil. All of those spirits who have not yet been baptized, waiting for their opportunity based on the ordinances we perform here, may be conversing and getting to know other spirits as well. Their emotions may vary from one to another but overall, are consistent with one another. And when the work has been completed for them, I imagine sighs of relief and shouts of jubilee similar to what I just witnessed five minutes ago.
So what have I learned? … besides the fact that these poor people have been waiting for six hours to fly somewhere they could have reached by car now, I also learned to remember how great it is when the wait is over! And with that knowledge, I will continue to do the work for those on the other side with more OOMF and WOO-WOO than ever before!
Conversation usually begins with shared sentiments of frustration soon followed by impatience… discomfort…. fatigue… and jolly consent that mutiny shall arise if this wait continues. The old adage "misery loves company" comes to mind and as I sit in the airport, finishing up some of the documentation I have left from the work week in order to fully enjoy my weekend in the City, I'm halted by the fascination (or distraction) I have with their meaningless conversation as they wait…. and wait…. and wait some more.
Out of nowhere, the air personnel suddenly announces their flight has been released to board and similar to a formation dance team, everyone waiting jumps up and cheers unanimously. "Finally" I hear a lot of them scream with pure joy. Eager to board their flight, everyone gathers their things and shakes hands with the new friends they've made and wishes them well for their weekend since they now know very well what each of their new friends is going to do whether it be a wedding, home or visiting family.
The reason I halted all work to blog about this was the realization that though not completely the same, it just might be a glimpse of what it's like on the other side of the veil. All of those spirits who have not yet been baptized, waiting for their opportunity based on the ordinances we perform here, may be conversing and getting to know other spirits as well. Their emotions may vary from one to another but overall, are consistent with one another. And when the work has been completed for them, I imagine sighs of relief and shouts of jubilee similar to what I just witnessed five minutes ago.
So what have I learned? … besides the fact that these poor people have been waiting for six hours to fly somewhere they could have reached by car now, I also learned to remember how great it is when the wait is over! And with that knowledge, I will continue to do the work for those on the other side with more OOMF and WOO-WOO than ever before!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)