Too Many TJMaxx Trips

Amazing
Jordan and his buddy Seth bringing in the trash cans for the neighbor.

Bubba getting himself dressed and coming out in a t-shirt and shorts.  When asked why he wasn't wearing a long sleeved shirt or long pants, he said, "I don't have school today Mom, so it's okay."

Dagny asking to wear pants, of course pink ones and only after she had already been wearing two other dresses earlier in the day.

Cooper sleeping 5 hours last night (to be honest, it may have been 4 hours, but I was too groggy if I did feed him to notice)

Awful
Taking away the iPhone or iPhone away from Dagny and listening to her screams of disdain.

Bubba's new tantrums every time he doesn't get something he wants.  We ignore him and it doesn't seem to be an issue for long, but it is no fun.

Amusing
The 15 minutes I spent browsing TJMaxx alone.  I usually am on the phone with my BFF while browsing, multitasking at its best, and I often tell Grace, you know, before I had kids, I might think - seriously, can't this girl put down the phone and just shop uninterrupted?  But now that I have kids, this is my only time to talk on the phone without kids yelling at me.  Heck yes, I'm going to be multitasking!  I am going to be THAT girl!

Also, eating out with your family when your kids color quietly while waiting for Dad to get the food and then all the kids eating like little angels and conversing like little adults.

Fluffy Slime and Classes

Amazing
Bubba and Dagny helping me make fluffy slime, making a grand mess, but then squealing with excitement for an hour at the texture.

Awful
Bubba wanted me to stay and watch his entire sports class, he looked distraught when he thought I was leaving to buy some salt, so I of course stayed. Jordan was sad that we had to drop him off at gymnastics instead of going in with him to watch him. He reluctantly went in by himself... Dagny had a make-up dance class that she was so excited for, but when ee got there... The other kids weren't coming do the class had unexpectedly been cancelled, Dagny was not pleased to say the least.

Amusing
Lately, I've been trying to spend more time with my kids when given the option to just let my sometimes OCD anal side slide. I know I can organize or clean with them or when they're asleep, and there are basic home tasks we do everyday, but I've been putting aside unnecessary projects and just living in the moment of my kids.  I'm already a bit sullen thinking I'll one day have a model home while my kids are gone.... Silly but true.

A New Year of Blogging

With the new year comes new resolutions and one of mine is to better capture my crazy life at home with four kids before I turn around and they're teenagers yelling at me and rolling their eyes (but wait, my 5 year old does that sometimes already...)

So I've resolved to come up with a daily log of the amazing, the awful, and the amusing.  I'll try to utilize actual photos from the day, except in looking back on the day, I don't have any of the older boys!  I have help (the same lady who came when we had Dagny) four days of the week and the boys love her so much, their attention bucket is completely full everyday playing with her in the basement.
Amazing
Jordan has to write two journal entries of 2-3 sentences for school (kindergarten).  There's a guide for how he can obtain 5 stars with his entries (draw a picture, write 2-3 sentences with correct punctuation that the teacher can understand).  Even though he's not a huge fan of homework, or sitting still for that matter, he always wants 5 stars!  His desire to achieve astonishes me.

Bubba loves his baby brother and always asks to give him a kiss whenever he sees him in the morning, throughout the day, and pretty much whenever he can.  Most often, while I'm nursing, he'll come over, and ask if he can give Cooper a kiss on his head.  Sometimes, he'll ask me if I can give him a kiss too.  He is so loving, so cuddly and now so affectionate with his kisses, that I am surprised he is our son (because both Andy and I are not PDA type people).

Dagny loves to run errands with me.  She is my little grocery shopping buddy, and today we went to Walmart together.  She wanted to bring her "flower" with her, she pulled some of the daisies from the shelf (not real ones), and brought them with her on our grocery trip.  At home, she kept smelling the flowers and asking me to smell them too, and then I put one in her ear and she struck a pose for me to take a photo.  I told her, "did you know my name is Daisy like this flower?" and she responded with, "You're Daisy, I'm Minnie," so I tried to emphasize to her again, "No, my name is actually Daisy" and she nods, then says, "yes, you Daisy, I'm Minnie."

 

Cooper slept a little over 4 hours again last night between midnight and 4:45 AM, and it was awesome!  He even slept in his pack n play this entire time, of course, after I picked him up to feed, I just held him next to me until the morning.

Awful
Dealing with all the hospital bills, I guess I thought Cooper would be cheaper since the other two were premies and Jordan was when I was on a high deductible plan, but our current plan is pretty high also, so we pretty much are paying the entire out of pocket amount for our kids.  So turns out all our kids are expensive, even with the month of NICU stays because we pretty much maxed out our deductible early.

Realizing three of my kids will be in school next year, all different schools, and trying to figure out the drop off and pick up times and if they all work based on distance and time.  I finally figured something out, but a lot of managing and kinda crazy that it will probably only get more crazy here on out!  I only have one kid in elementary school next year, two kids in school fives days a week (half days for Bubba) and one kid in school two days a week for 2 hours, but even so - woah!

Amusing
Jordan loves wearing his camo t-shirt with his camo pants.  I think it's a bit geeky so I encouraged (forced) him to wear a long sleeved shirt underneath his camo shirt, you know - to break it up a bit.

Bubba wears his pants backwards a lot, when advised to look for the tag in front and to turn his pants around, he just shrugs and says, "I like it like this."  Go figure.

Dagny was tired around 4 PM, so after a diaper change, she climbed into her bed and asked for a nap.  "My nai nai please" which is milk in Chinese.  I had gotten her a new princess sippy cup at Walmart earlier in the day, so reminded her that we were done with bottles.  She agreed, then lay in bed, played with her bed light a bit, drank some of the milk, and then went to sleep.  I just asked the boys to wake her up for a show, but she was moody and cranky and yelled at them, then went back to sleep.

Andy and I have started watching A Series of Unfortunate Events and so far it has been depressing.  We've watched two episodes so far, and it's kind of funny but overall sullen.  We'll see if I change my mind in the next few weeks.

Still on Bedrest

I'm still on bedrest.  Everyone keeps asking me if this is the farthest I've ever gotten.  Sort of.  I actually went to 37 weeks and 5 days with Jordan, and I remember being mad that he was coming early because I was enjoying my time off from work and felt jipped on the two weeks he came early.  Funny, I don't have those same feelings anymore because with three kids at home, having a baby now just means I don't have to be pregnant anymore while dealing with three kids.

I've never enjoyed being pregnant.  I know it's something so special and lots of women love it, but I personally have never enjoyed it.  It's uncomfortable, the first three months are tiring and nauseating, and then once the baby is out, there is a long wait before you get your body back.  I don't mind it, obviously, I am willingly doing it four times, and enjoy the outcome, but it's nothing to rave about and I'd have nothing against getting a surrogate to do the dirty work for me.  I think society has a funny way of making you feel guilty about these feelings if you have them, like you're not a good mom because you don't LOVE the process of being pregnant and the magic your body can do.  Then again, with two premature babies, what magic can my body do?  It's a miracle I've made it so far this fourth time around, and I'm grateful, I am, but I also am so tired of being pregnant.

So last week I went in for my weekly check-up and I hadn't changed from the week before, still 3.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced.  On Friday morning, I couldn't feel the baby move, or it had been a while since I noticed it, so off to L&D I went.  They checked me, got the heartbeat, gave me some apple juice, and we waited for me to feel baby kick.  I was still 3.5 cm and 70% effaced, so there's been no change.  I think it's time I can officially come off of bedrest, but I'm also still coming off of a nasty cough, so I have to be resting and I do not want to go through labor while coughing/hacking up a storm.  So until my cough is 100% gone, let's hope baby keeps on cooking and my cervix stays the same.

This Christmas is unlike any I've had before.  Mostly because the bedrest is hindering, but also baby can come before Christmas or after Christmas, either way, it won't be easy - fatigue from a new baby or anticipation of going into labor at any moment during the holiday fun.  I should just be grateful.  Duh.  Easier said than done though...

Bedrest and Me

I've been on modified bedrest for the last four weeks since I started feeling a lot of contractions around 30 weeks.  We had just returned from a month long rotation in Houston and were nervous about what my uterus was doing this time (my second and third were both premature).  The doctor checked me and I was at 2 cm and 70% effaced, not too shabby for a fourth pregnancy, but given my premature pre-term labor at risk VIP status, the steroid shots were administered and I went home with a prescription for some nifodepine pills (to help my uterus relax).  When I saw my own doctor (who wasn't available the first day we were back) a few days later, he wanted to check me, but I persuaded him not to, telling him I had too many responsibilities at home with three other kids and that all our extended family was out of town (in China) for another week.  He agreed, but told me sternly that I must take it easy, I was essentially getting all the meds a person would get on hospital bedrest.  I agreed.

Bedrest at home with three kids meant a lot of screen time for all of us.  I went through seven seasons of Gilmore Girls in anticipation of the revival on Netflix.  I'd never watched the show initially, well a few episodes here and there, but I certainly was not on the GG train.  My kids played a lot on their ipads, and we still made our way out for kindergarten drop off and gymnastics or music class.  I did change my own carpool rotation to drop off which is significantly easier and less arduous than hiking up and down the hills with my two littles for pick up.  I had stopped working out a few weeks prior after feeling a lot of contractions and talking to the nurse over the phone who advised I try to take it easy (they really like that phrase!).

I started doing the dishes while sitting.  I started sweeping in a sitting position.  I even started taking showers while sitting (we have a handicapped seat in our shower).  And we started eating a lot of frozen food.  Take-out too.  And you know what?  It was hard!

I never realized how much of a spastic move around, must be doing something, type person I am, until this last month.  I have never disliked hospital bedrest, it's always been a fun time to catch up on shows that everyone raves about but I've never had the time to follow.  But this was different.  Here without the confines of a hospital bedroom away from the possibilities of things I could do at home, I really longed to be mobile.  I really wanted to go shopping, do fun things while the fall weather was still around, do fun Thanksgiving crafts with my kids, schedule playdates for my kids, and I was really looking forward to cooking some side dishes and desserts for Thanksgiving.

Instead, I lay in bed watching Rory and reminiscing about the stuff we used to wear back in the day (the show runs from 2000-2007 and my friends and I all wore a lot of the stuff she did on the show) and wondering where I'd be on Thanksgiving.  I started online shopping, but it was so incredibly and insanely dull.  I know the convenience is awesome, but sometimes I just want to walk around and SEE things firsthand.  Touch the fabrics, smell the stuff, feel the textures, and see the true size of items instead of clicking on "item details" to see more.   And one of my favorite parts about shopping during the Christmas season, is seeing all the Christmas lights and decor, smell the pine cones, pumpkins and cinnamon.  I really enjoyed the sparkle that permeates the air of the shopping frenzy all around.  When I was in my 20's in LA, my favorite place for a date during the fall/winter was The Grove.  I mean, they even had fake snow!  There was just something so fascinating and comforting about walking around the cool 60 degree air with a jacket and a handsome guy, seeing the twinkly lights and shopping bags abound.  I absolutely loved it!

We put up the tree early in case I wouldn't be around.  I'm almost done with Christmas shopping.

And then Thanksgiving came.  And I was still pregnant.  But then I got sick.  Head cold.  Runny nose.  Scratchy throat.  Lots of coughing which really hurt my upper stomach and probably scared the baby a bit.

To be on modified bedrest and not be sick.  It's funny how quickly you realize how ungrateful you are for the small and simple things.  Thanksgiving has passed, I am 34 weeks and still on modified bedrest but have been given permission to do "a little bit more" since I'm not 3.5 cm and still 70% dilated.  There seems to be hope that this baby can make it to term or close.  He's already passed both premies and still no blood.  Funny, my doctor told me blood does not indicate anything, a lot of people go into labor without bleeding at all.. but since my experience has been blood that triggered a trip to the hospital, I seem to think that will be the turning point.  I am still getting over my cold, but how grateful I am and how ungrateful I feel I had been, complaining about not being able to do anything.  How naive of me.

The Day The Boys Slept

I think blogging is underrated when it comes to capturing those sweet moments that I never want to forget.  Sure, I recap these things to Andy play by play, but he's got the worst memory ever, it all got wasted on medical stuff, and who knows how great my memory will continue to be?  So I'm back to capture those small, minuscule moments that mean so much.

This day... I want to remember this moment at this time, the day my boys went to sleep in their beds, without any fuss, rebellion, or partying with the lights on.

Andy had left for first BYU basketball game with his three buddies, and I was at home with the three kids.  Dagny had gone to sleep at 5 PM after resisting a nap because she woke up from a ride home, thinking she had already napped.  She begged her Dad for a nap and we gave in when she refused to eat dinner and took her blanket, demanding some nai nai or milk (in Chinese, anytime you see an italic it's probably Chinese).  The boys and I read a bunch of books, and then I got distracted by some stains I noticed in the toilet while the boys brushed their teeth.  So I proceeded to clean their toilet and then Andy and mine, because I was already in the swing of things, while the boys waited for me to come back and read some more.  About 15 minutes later, I went into the room to find Jordan had fallen asleep, and Bubba was eagerly awaiting more books.  We read 3 more books together, and talked about his day at school before we heard Dagny wake up.

So the three of us went into the kitchen to look at the blog that Bubba and Dagny's pre-school teacher have of all the fun things they do at pre-school.  We went through the last two weeks worth of posts, and then I left Dagny to go put Bubba to sleep.  We read a scripture story, prayed, and I kissed both of my boys good night and went back out to Dagny, who was still waiting patiently in the kitchen.

I heard a cry from Bubba.  A call, more like it, but it elevated to the level of a small scream when I didn't respond immediately.  I went over to see what was up, and he asked for some water because he was thirsty.  So I got him some water, he drank it, and then he told me good night and lay back down in bed.  I went back to the kitchen, half anticipating his return shortly thereafter, except nothing happened.  He didn't get out of bed.  He just ... went to sleep.

Meanwhile, Dagny was hungry.  I peeled 3 Clementines for her, she ate engulfed about 2 and then gave me the rest.  "Here Mom, for you."  I asked her if she wanted some toast, to which she responded, "With butter on it please."  My most polite child thus far.  I retrieved the toast, with butter, and she ate it while I worked on a flyer for work.  She'd comment every now and then, "Oh mom, pretty," or "Oh Mom, blue!" but that was about it.  "Do you want some tomatoes?" I asked her, to which she promptly responded, "Yes!" so off to the fridge I went.  We had some cherry tomatoes left, I took out a few and before I could even bring them to her, she called from her seat, "scissors mom, need to cut them!"  Good memory.  So I got the kid food scissors, which are blue, and proceeded to cut the cherry tomatoes into 4 for her.  "Mom, I want my purple and pink scissors," she told me.  I told her we aren't cutting tonight, maybe tomorrow, and she responded with an obedient, "Okay Mom, tomorrow."  I continued on my flyer, and as I did, she ate not 1, not 2... but 10 cherry tomatoes all cut into four.  She finished the rest of the cherry tomatoes!

"Do you want a bath?" I asked.  "No," she responded.  "What if Minnie comes along?"  I asked, hopeful for a change of mind.  "Okay then, let's go get Minnie!" she explained.  And off to the bath tub we went.  A long bath later, a lot of swimming on both her tummy and back, she could not be persuaded to come out, so I resorted to a promise of a Minnie show.  That did it, out she came, and into my bed she went, all snuggled in with her pajamas on, to watch some Minnie bow-tique shorts, while I took a quick shower.  Once I was done, and I let her finish her last 3 minute Minnie short, the phone was taken away and the screaming began.  I encased her in my arms, went to the kitchen to grab her two princess books, and showed them to her.  She cried until her eyes seemed to focus on the books, and like a light switch, out of her mouth, "Princess!" and off to her bed we went to read some princess books.  It was about 9:15 at this point, and I had a feeling she might be awake when Andy got home.  We read the princess books, I gave her some raspberries, tickled her, we talked about all the parts of her body in Chinese, and then we started to read her second princess book, when she rubbed her eyes, made me name all the princesses and their sidekicks (from Flounder to Sebastian to the seven dwarves to all the enchanted characters from Beauty and the Beast), and then before I could finish the book, asked me for some nai nai.  "Do you want to go to sleep now?" I asked.  "Yeah," she responded, "night night."  So off I went to grab her milk, came back, prayed with her, and then, left her room with the lights off and into my room to rest on my bed.  I thought for sure she'd come back to me once she was done with her milk, as she has been for the past 3 nights, wiping her streak of easiest transition to big girl bed, but today, she earned that title back.

Andy came home around 10:30, surprised that all the kids, especially Dagny, were sleeping peacefully.  I was shocked too, I had half expected her to be in bed with me awake and alert when Andy came home.

That's the thing with kids.  Some days, they surprise you in the sweetest and kindest way possible.  They do what you think they should, and they go to sleep.  It's a small miracle, a small win, but it is so amazing when it happens.  The boys seem to have gotten into a rhythm of staying in their beds and falling asleep now, at ages 5.5 and 3.5, it's about time... but me staying with them until they fell asleep (did this for a long time) sure didn't help.  It was nice though, to be wanted and to feel loved, but this is also nice.  Yes, this is.

Thoughts on this Election Day

I find it fascinating that people post their opinions about who to vote for on social media as if they can change someone else's mind. Chances are, your friends all agree with you, so who are you really trying to convince? That ONE token minority who doesn't give a crap what you're posting anyway?!  

I also find it fascinating that people cannot understand why someone would vote for the other candidate. There are different life situations and opinions that we all have, this is clear from simple opinions about when a baby is defined as a baby inside the womb. Some people run small companies, some people work for big companies, everyone's life situation makes their choice different, but what truly bugs me most is when the educated think that because they're educated... they obviously would vote this way or that way. When they make fun of the other class because they obviously don't get it and are voting for this monster. Monsters exist in all shapes and forms. Just because you do not agree with one type of monstrosity does not mean it does not exist. I'm not defending Trump. I think a female president would be awesome for all the little girls of the world. But I also don't love Clinton or Trump. And I really find it disturbingly annoying when everyone posts propaganda as if it's truth. Yes, Trump sucks. Yes, Clinton sucks. Yes, this entire election sucks. But try to have some empathy for the other voter and not pass judgment on someone who disagrees with you.  

And.... in the famous words of Elsa, let it go. For the record, I did not vote for any big party candidate and do not need a lecture about what my vote did or did not do either.  I'm a little regretful of my vote, however, as I think of all the moaners and groaners arguing this way or that.. it almost makes me want to cast my vote for one of the poisons. Pick your poison right?

Get out and vote!