Chinese Mom Say

I love my mom to pieces but more often than not, I am so glad she is my mother and not my mother-in-law (good luck future brother's wife).  My own mother-in-law is also Chinese, but having come to the US when she was 18 and having married a wonderful white man, she is unaccustomed to the Chinese ways that my mother still is so peculiar and particular about.

I talk to my mother everyday, sometimes more than three times in a day, and some days I want to hit myself on the forehead repeatedly.  Other days days I actually want to scream in rebellion.   But most days, I am becoming better at accepting her love (as weird as it may seem) and learning not to talk back (because it's not filial if I do).  Here are some of the things she says to me.

The following has been translated to English for your reading pleasure.

Your child is too skinny.  Don't you feed him anything?
Your child poops too much.  What are you feeding him?

Of course you think your child is cute, he's yours!
Your child is pretty cute, if I do say so myself.

Don't feed him chips!  That stuff is unhealthy and fattening.
Don't give him that, it's too oily!
Why is your son so skinny?  What are you feeding him?

You look dark.  Yellow.  Unhealthy.
Go get a facial.  I'm sending you face masks now.  They're in the mail.

Pull his legs straight or he'll be bowl legged.
Don't let him walk too much because his bones are still underdeveloped.

He can't eat popsicles!  Too cold!
He can't eat chicken nuggets!  Too hard to chew!
He likes ice cream?  You loved ice cream too!
He likes french fries?  Don't let him eat french fries!

What did Jordan eat today?  How many times did he poop today?
Wow he poops a lot.  He never stays still!  No wonder he's so skinny.

Are you making Andy and Jordan smoothies everyday?
Your house looks messy, have you been cleaning it?

Did you workout today?
You need to eat more, you're too skinny now.
Don't let yourself go!  Are you taking care of yourself?
Are you fat or skinny now?

Ever wonder why I am the way I am?  Well, now you know.  Wouldn't trade it for anything, Chinese moms are the best...even if they are quirky.