The Screams That Were

Today, Dagny was sleeping and the boys were playing together downstairs.  I was upstairs, had put the laundry into the dryer, put all the clean dishes into the cabinets, and was kind of bored.  I ate lunch by myself, and for the first time, in a long time, I felt a bit lonely.  I normally eat lunch while the kids eat, or before they eat, and there's usually a lot of noise around me with them running around or Dagny is sitting in her chair munching on something while I eat.  Other times, I have my phone and can scroll through photos on Instagram or read the news.  Today, my phone was charging in another room, the baby was sleeping, the boys were downstairs... and it was just me.  Me and my thoughts.  Or lack thereof.  No projects.  No magazines.  A pile of mail I refuse to go through until tomorrow.  Nobody to talk to on the phone.  Nobody to talk to in real life.

I realized that the contrast from vacation (we just got back from SD) where there was always someone around (Andy's mom joined us Wednesday, his aunt, and two uncles were all there with us) may have added to the sudden realization of loneliness.  But still it was a bit odd.

All of a sudden, I heard shrieks.  Well, that didn't last long, was my first thought.  As I was about to ask them what happened, and play judge again, Bubba ran right by me.  Then Jordan ran up with a car built of these pieces my brother had gotten them last Christmas.  Jordan told me, "Mom, we made the most amazing car ever!" and then he ran to the living room, where Bubba was waiting for him.  Those shrieks?  Not from fighting, but from pure elated joy.  "Did you build a car with gege?" I asked Bubba.  "Yeah!" he screamed back with excitement.  "We're going to see if it works" Jordan told me, and off he went to the living room where there's enough wood floor for him to test it out.

It's moments like these that make motherhood so priceless.  "Give me five Bubba, what a cool car!" I told him, and he just smiled and smiled and was giddy with anticipation while Jordan moved the car on the floor.  It made me so happy to see them play together, in unison with such harmony.

I hope they always remember the times when they are working together to create something great and having a good time together.  I hope they always remember the fun they have all day every day.  I hope they always are this good with each other.  I know they won't always be, but today was enough to remind me that they do love and adore each other.