Utah Things

I feel pretty at home at Utah.  We have a lovely home, my kids, husband, and husband's extended family is mostly here, and I've learned the roads and freeways (sorta) enough to get by and am slowly learning the areas (North Salt Lake = Davis County, Lehi, American Fork, Draper, South Jordan are all out towards Provo but not quite yet.... Brickyard, Midvale, Cottonwood Heights, Holladay, etc.).  But I still find it absolutely fascinating when very what I'd like to call "Utah-esque" things happen.  I've compiled a few that come to mind.

1. When I'm asked... "to stay or go?  - in California, NOBODY says that.  I believe the correct phrase is "for here or to go?" but everybody in Utah loves the word "STAY" and I can't help but smirk everytime I hear it.

2. Fry Sauce - dude, I hate to break it to you Utah but it's basically mayo and ketchup, add some relish and it's called THOUSAND ISLAND and you seem to want to put it on everything.  Hahahaha.  I personally prefer ketchup over fry sauce, but I am simply fascinated by how ubiquitous it is around here.  They even have it pre-packaged with bold "FRY SAUCE" letters all over.  The state is pretty dang proud of it.

3. No hard alcohol is sold in any grocery stores.  When Andy told me the alcohol laws had changed recently, I assumed he meant hard A and beer.  I've seen beer everywhere in grocery stores so I didn't think much of the missing Grey Goose bottles with the stringent black protective locks on 'em.  And then I started wondering what people did in this "liquor stores" that are not like your average California small ghetto liquor stores - no, these are LARGE and in CHARGE and usually have an entire parking lot to accompany it.  And then I realized... no hard alcohol is sold in grocery stores.  I think the same for wine, but I'm not sure cuz I haven't needed it yet (you know, for cooking cuz I've been sober since 2009 baby!) but now that I think about it, I haven't seen two buck chucks the few times I've been to the Trader Joe's so maybe not...?

4. Momo mommy bloggers - did you know they sorta all started in Utah?  And a lot of them show up on local KSL morning show All Things Utah or something like that - I've only seen it a couple of times but Asians in Arcadia is to Momo Mommy bloggers in Salt Lake (and greater Salt Lake which I've learned is NOT Salt Lake).  They're everywhere!  It has become fun to start following some of them on Instagram and realize they go to the same places I go to - but without traffic, everything seems much closer and the chances of actually running into them are much greater than any bloggers in LA.  They are a range of bloggers too - food bloggers, how to save money, crafty ones, how to raise kids (cuz Momos have a lot of 'em so advice is much appreciated) and then a bunch of fashion and lifestyle bloggers.  Okay, side rant - bloggers just crack me up period cuz they post photos of what they eat (okay, I do that too but it's still funny to me cuz they're not Asian and it's more hip than a way of life their parents taught em from childbirth - yes my dad still takes photos of all our food before we eat it just cuz...), where they go, what they wear, hahahaha.  My question is, who takes these photos for them when they're not obvious selfies?  Do they have remote controls for their phones?  Hehehe.  I laugh but I still follow.  The commentary is mostly silent.

5. Everyone has family from here - no, seriously - everyone.  Or at least everyone we seem to meet, mostly because we meet a lot of Momos and since Salt Lake is the Momo capital - everyone we meet seems to have family here - somewhere somehow.  I've met quite a bit of non-Momos from the neighborhood, most of them don't have family from here but if they're Momo, they usually have some family connection here.  We're part of that statistic but it's still just fascinating to me!

As you can see, little things fascinate me.

Question on Book Titles...

Which book title intrigues you the most?

Yellow is a Color Too

Somewhere Between FOB and Tiger Mom

Memoirs of an ABC

Growing Up ABC


I'm currently devoting some time to that book I've been meaning to write since 2004.  Ten years is quite a bit of time, so in commemoration of my upcoming ten year college reunion in May, I'm making it a goal to finish the book I intended to write way back when I graduated college.  It was actually my senior thesis that prompted this, but I never got around to doing anything about it, and now with how easy it is to self-publish your own book on Amazon, I think that is the way to go!

So here we go!

How Do You Do It?

Those five words should be a compliment of sorts, but the reality is, whenever someone asks me how I do it (stay home with two kids, work, and whatever else I find myself interested in ... photoshop, budgeting, organizing, cleaning, etc.), I secretly am thinking and laughing to myself... if only they knew.  My secret......?  I sacrifice hygiene.  Yeah, it's pretty disgusting and rather pathetic to admit, but it's the truth.  I don't wear make-up everyday consistently, I sometimes forget to brush my teeth, my hair is a nightmare, my favorite go-to outfit is jeans with a big ol' sweatshirt, I barely shower until I really need to (you'd be surprised how long you can go when you're just kicking it at home all day long), and I live in my baggy Lululemons (kind of fancy, but not if you've seen mine) that are too long and make me trip sometimes - but I don't care, they're just too fabulously comfortable to care!  The only thing I am quite particular about is getting my kids diapers' changed every morning before breakfast, changed into real clothes after breakfast before we head out (if we head out), and lathering onto my own face: toner, serum, moisturizer, and SPF 25.  Yes, I'm a typical Asian - we take our skincare very seriously... well, at least I do! 

When I was working, I always took my showers at night, slept with wet hair in hopes of it coming out fantastic in the morning or being wet enough that I could style it with it only actually doing that miraculously 1 out of every 10 times.  So on the all hands office meeting days when I would actually make the sacrifice to wake up early to shower and do my hair, I would get these odd compliments about if I had just gotten my hair cut or changed it somehow.  Go figure.  

When I began working out consistently and not just for a lousy 10 minutes (mid 20's), I began investing in some fancy work out gear and found myself showering a lot because if you really work out, you can't really get away without a full shower.  That was probably an anomaly in my life to date.  And these days.. even if I do sweat, by the time I get the kids all in order and home to a shower, the sweat has dried off and I seem to forget that I'm in need of one.  Yuck right?  Truth!

When I was dating Andy and I met his family for the first time as his "girlfriend," I'd shower and do my hair everyday.  I remember thinking as I was getting ready one time, looking into the mirror in his sister's bathroom, how odd that I was putting so much effort into getting ready when this would not be a normal part of my day in the future.  But when everyone in the family showers a lot, you kinda feel pressured into doing the same.  Needless to say, how quick we fall... I sure hope Andy doesn't mind or doesn't think his wife has let herself go, because she kind of has.  

The exception would be when I'm back visiting Arcasia and with my mom.  There are high standards for the rare chance that you run into someone you used to know in high school or one of your mom's friends and *gasp, heaven forbid, you embarrass your mother because you aren't looking fabulous and like you were still in college (the good third and fourth year, not the freshman 20 really tired studying for finals kind).  So it makes me laugh when I think about how Andy has chillaxed to my level of laid back slothfulness and how we lost our luggage once and had to hang out all day in Arcasia with him in Nike sweat and Sperry boat shoes.  It was not a pretty look and I feel bad admitting that even I was a bit nervous to go out with him in fear of running into anyone I knew from high school.  HAHAHA.  He kept asking me why I cared.  I couldn't quite explain that it was just a different standard in Arcasia.  Puh-lease, I have a reputation to uphold here right?  HAHAHAHAHA.  

Why do we care so much about what other people think sometimes?  I'm not sure I know the answer, but I do care from time to time.... it ebbs and flows...and I'll let you in on a little secret... even when I'm in my baggy Lulus, I think I look pretty smoking hot.  Those pants sure are flattering, me thinks, though they probably are not.  Even when I'm sporting jeans with a big ol' sweatshirt, I'm thinking - yeah, I wear this sweatshirt well, a sweatshirt never looked so good before!  But I think that is the key to success and confidence sometimes... thinking you got it when you might not.  

At least that's how motherhood and parenthood works sometimes.  HA!  So in conclusion, I don't really do it.  Nobody really does it.  They just fake it until they make it.  

That Time I Gained Weight...

college: That time I gained weight cuz all my meals were buffet and I ate three meals a day plus had cafeteria sponsored snack at 10:30 PM everynight....

the real world: That time I gained weight cuz all my meals were comped from working through lunch and late at night.... mmmm appetizers, entrees, dessert, and some....

while living in Santa Monica: That time I gained weight cuz I discovered mixed drinks and happy hours and lived with a girl who ran five miles a day and ate everything in sight (so naturally I thought I could do the same)...

busy mom: That time I gained weight cuz I eat all my kids' snacks and fast food is so easy with the drive-thru on the way to the park and salads are so expensive there...

Who knew there would be more instances of weight gain at this point of my life?

Who knew.  Not me.  No, not me.

Ahh... and I don't feel like working out lately.  I'm hopin this little vent will get me going again and back into my "need endorphins must work out" habit.  My "daily workout" has slowly morphed into "4 times a week" and continued to disintegrate into "3 times a week" and is now a lousy.... "once or twice a week" if I'm lucky and the kids are sleeping well.  Blame it on the kids.  And the job.  And the house that needs cleaning.

Time To Start Those Thoughtful Christmas Gifts

Shoot.  I know most people love the holidays starting from Halloween until Christmas... well I guess I'm the outlier.  It's so stressful, and I don't even do much.  But this year, I'd like to do some special stuff, start some traditions within our family, especially since Jordan is 2 and a lot more able to participate and communicate than before.

That means that ABC gospel book I started to make last year (got about three letters done) needs to be finished.  Some shopping on Etsy for a cute gospel quiet book (cuz I ain't that crafty nor do I have the time to even think about making it myself) needs to be done... and some serious thought provoking brainstorming needs to be done about what to get everyone.  It's a little much.

But before I can even begin that, I ought to finish the homemade Halloween costumes for my boys before October 31st rolls around.  I only make them because I think the store bought ones are not only ridiculously overpriced, but also kind of ugly.  The stores one meaning the Jake and the Neverland Pirate costumes that are out there because Old Navy sure has some super cute and warm costumes on sale!

I feel good about the two pieces of Halloween deocrations we have up in the house.  It really makes a difference.  And I'd like to make the same short goal of having two pieces of Thanksgiving decor up before the second week of November.  As for Christmas, we have quite a bit collected... but I'd also like to add to the list and try to make our home a festive pine cone smelling kind of place.

Oh holidays.  So fun and also so much work.

*le sigh.

I guess it's time I stopped wasting time on facebook and try to use what little free time I have to make some thoughtful Christmas gifts!

Work Problems

Whenever we have a quarterly meeting approaching.. life gets extremely busy with work and I find myself working anywhere from 20-30 hours a week.  We (there's two of us now!) are having meetings with search executives to update their account plans, updating our profit and loss statement, finalizing presentation details and logistics with our vendors on top of all our regular responsibilities.  As a result.. my bathroom is disgusting and I have not worked out since we came back from LA.

It's really sad.

Rant over.

Back to work! Yes... all while my 2 year old screams from inside his room, refusing to nap and my 5 month old whines on the floor next to me as I work. Not sure why I took the 5 minutes to blog but probably because in retrospect, it will be funny.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  Eek!

Breath of Fresh Air

Apparently I can't stay away from blogging, it's just too therapeutic.

When I used to be an auditor with no life during busy season, I remember how odd it was to be home from work around 6 PM and not now what to do with myself until dinnertime.  Moreover, not know what exactly I'd be eating for dinner without the consult of my team and a newbie to go get it for me free of charge.  Life was so odd to me.  Time, this concept unknown to me, was at my fingertips, and yet I knew not what to do with it.  I remember turning on the foreign object known as a television only to discover the world of cable engulfing me.  And then I'd pause, text a co-worker about how odd it was to have such available time to do whatever I so pleased, and see she felt the same exact way.  What a transition to go from absolutely no time and a life dedicated to the well being of the audit opinion to a life of choice.

We've gone two days without May or Andy, just me, Jordan, and trips to drop him off for playdates and trips to the NICU.  I'm still running on adrenaline so I'm not tired despite waking up at 11 PM, 2 AM and 5 AM to pump and then starting my day off after 5 AM with a shower and getting everything ready to go.  The fact that Jordan can climb a little stool to hop into his own carseat has been a great finding on our part and a blessing as I can get out of the house with him and avoid carrying him.  Only once has he tried to escape the carseat when coming off of it and made a dash for the front seat where he likes to sit at the steering wheel.  Only once has he thrown a tantrum about now wanting to get into the carseat, so I'd say we're doing great!  And then we had a ripple in our schedule this morning when Jordan, who has been waking up at 6 AM and 6:30 AM, decided not to wake up in time for us to make his morning playdate while I go to the NICU at 8 AM.  He is OUT.  I changed his diaper, nudged his shoulder, took off his blanket, said "Jordan!  Jordan!  Jordan??!?!?!?" and nothing.  Not even a blink.  He is sound asleep, suppose the over abundance of playdates and outings has finally tired him out.  So I just called the NICU nurse and told her I wouldn't make the 8 AM care session, am hoping to make the 11 AM, but now my body can't retire to the bed.  I've just stopped to get a breath of fresh air and just like my audit days, I'm unsure what to do with my time.  Sleep?  Pump? Watch some TV?  Text some friends?  Read a book?  Blog?  Yes, I went with the last option.

But now, my eyes are tiring and I think I'll take a nap until Jordan wakes up.

Also, Adam is doing great as can be for a 36 week 5 day gestational aged premie.  He has graduated from the incubator boxes and is now in a crib, able to maintain his own body heat.  He still has a feeding tube but he only gets tube fed about 2-3 times over 8 feedings in a night.  He has a great latch both on boob and the bottle, but he tires out quick and just has to get over the hurdle of eating.  The nurses have begun discharge activities, including his shots and hearing test (passed!), and told us about the carseat test (he has to sit in a carseat for an hour while being monitored).  He's in clothes now (hospital borrowed ones) and is a lot more alert, darting his eyes everywhere to see what's going on when he's awake.  He is 5 pounds and 1.8 oz and hopefully will get bigger today.  I can't wait to take him home though I'm a little intimidated by the new routine we will have to set and how Jordan will react when he sees Mom holding the baby but not him.

A gift from my old co-worker at the Firm that Jordan is obsessed with because it has a plane, a boat, and a train on it!  He has been eating well using this plate thus far...

 black and white so you don't see the misfit of colors that is my son's blanket and outfit...

but here it is - just so you can see the crib he's in!

Taking a Break

I'm taking a break from blogging while life consumes me.  Jordan turned 2 yesterday and I may be back in the future once the dust of moving and having our baby exit the NICU has occurred to document it, but until then.. I won't be around here.  

In the meantime, it's only two more months before we make the move to Salt Lake City and currently, we are looking towards another week of NICU time before the doctors can give us a better sense of discharge plans for Adam.  He is doing very well for his gestational age per the doctors and nurses, eating better than expected, but is back under the lights as his bilirubin indicating jaundice just spiked again.  I make my way to the hospital four times out of his eight care sessions every 24 hours, pump every 3 hours, and try to sleep somewhere in between there.  

I want so badly to pick up my other son, Jordan, but I am not allowed to per doctor's orders and my own husband's.  For six weeks, I am not to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds, which includes my now 28 pound 2 year old sweetheart of a son.  This means no trips out of our apartment where we live on the third floor with only stairs available (even though he can walk them while holding your hand or the rail) because getting him into the car also consists of picking him up.  I know not every c-section patient obeys those orders, but given I went into pre-term labor while healthy (or so I thought...) and had my baby at 34 weeks and 4 days, I am going to listen closely and do whatever I can to fully recover and be able bodied by the time we are moving in the end of June.  

Currently though.... I am sick of being useless on a bed and useless with a weak stomach that is recovering and swollen everythings on my body.  I am tired of not being able to run and play with my son, or do simple tasks like pick up items that weight 11 pounds.  I am eager to recover and will do anything I need to fully recover and be available for my family come time.  

I am looking to the silver linings of our situation, knowing that his cord didn't prolapse, that he didn't have a traumatic delivery, that I was awake during the surgery, that he is alive and growing and doing well, that we have had so much help from Andy's mom (who has been with us since day two of hospitalized bedrest and just left today but will be back in two weeks again... thank goodness for all her love, willingness to help, and energy to kick it with Jordan 24/7) and an overwhelming outpouring of love and support from our family and friends.  I am looking to the fact that my drive to the hospital is only about 12 minutes door to door, that the nurses have all been so great and amazing, and that we have a plan in place for the two weeks I will be on my own whether Adam is still in the NICU or if he's discharged (which includes my mother financially helping us pay for help since she could not be here herself to help out).  I am happy that my Chinese mother sent me a huge package of frozen perishable Chinese healing foods which despite my disbelief in its tremendous milk producing prowess, tastes like home and comforts me (even though it has invaded our freezer space).  I am lucky to have a father-in-law who has been on his own for two weeks while his sweet wife takes care of us.  I am blessed to have family who offer constant support and encouragement throughout each change of plans and update.  I am smiling for my sweet son who does not seem to notice things have changed a bit around here and is pretty go lucky and easy and will still ditch Mom, Dad, and even Grandma for his best buddy, Finn.  I am amazed by my strong husband who has put up with my every request for this or that and has been there with me through serious fears and has been my rock.  I am grateful for my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus during this time as I have noticed how greatly a day not started with prayer is compared to a day that starts with one.  I am uplifted by guidance given by church leaders about faith during trials and an eternal perspective.  I am guided by my faith during this trying time and I know I could also do without it, but I'm glad I do not have to.  

And so with that, I am officially on blog leave (though Andy will be by from time to time to blog) for at least six weeks (same as my maternity leave from work).  

Missing Home

Well... after 12 days, I'm missing home so much.  I want my bed, I want my husband next to me, and I want my son to cuddle with me in the morning.  I am tired of sleeping in the hospital bed and even the beautiful flowers, kind visitors, and thoughtful presents don't cheer me up when I'm alone at night, about to go to sleep, and longing for home.  I just want to go home!  The only thing that seems to make me feel better is quietly crying to myself for a few minutes, wiping the tears away, telling myself to be strong, and getting ready for bed.

My mom calls me to ask me how I'm doing.  "Any improvements, time to go home yet?"  I don't think you understand Mom.  It won't really improve at this point, the best situation is status quo.  "Oh, so you're not going home soon?" she asks me.  No, unfortunately not.  If I do, it's because the baby's come and we don't want that quite yet.

Today, I am 34 weeks and 2 days.  It's hard to look out further than a few days, but I suppose the next goal is to make it to 35 weeks which is five more nights.

The days are easy.  The nights are also easy if I go to sleep.  If I allow myself to stay awake, hearing the heart monitors of those next door, imagining myself at home, then I get depressed.

I know it's better for me to be alone at the hospital than for our baby to be alone in the NICU.  But it's also scary.  If I might go into labor in the middle of the night.  If I might wake up with my water broken.  If we'll have to have a c-section sometime between now and when I wake up next.  So sometimes, I am afraid to go bed and end up lost in my own thoughts.

I also know that at this point, our hospital bill will already be insane and that we'll probably max out on our deductible and our out of pocket.  But that doesn't make me feel any better when I think about our rent, mortgage, normal fixed expenses, and all the added costs of getting our home ready (grown up problems).  I know we are going to be okay because of careful spending and a lot of savings over the years, but I hate seeing that number decrease in size.  My old financial advisor once told me it was safe to have three months worth of expenses saved up in your checking account and even more in your savings for rainy day situations like me stuck in the hospital for 12+ days.  I'm sure glad I heeded her advice, but still sore about having to pay those dang hospital bills, contractor invoices, car payments and student loan payments (those are the absolute worst!).

But then I have to be grateful for all the blessings also.  For May being here to help us out and for Jordan adjusting so easily (he's happy as a clam and only asks for me on the ride home).  For the job I can still do from hospital bedrest and am still getting paid for.  For Andy working at the same hospital I'm stuck in so I actually get to see him twice, sometimes three times a day.

I guess it often feels easier to complain than to look to the brighter things, but I won't throw myself a pity party just yet because there is a lot to celebrate as well.

Nevertheless, I do miss home.  Home sweet home.

And it will all be worth it when we have sweeet baby in our arms (hopefully instead of the NICU) and can go home to sleepless nights and infinity exhaustion.  

Are You Bored Out Of Your Mind Yet?

When people hear I'm on hospital bedrest, the first question I normally get is "are you bored out of your mind yet?"  Surprisingly.. no.

Bedrest is just like any other lifestyle, once you have a routine with it, it goes by quickly and you just make the most of it and not think too much of the grass on the other side that is most likely greener, and enjoy it!

My days are surprisingly structured now, and two days ago, I began working again, so that has also helped to pass the time.

In the morning, I wake up around 7 or 8 AM, brush my teeth, open the blinds, chat with friends online, check e-mail, listen to some music, maybe watch a Mormon message if I need something uplifting, order breakfast. eat breakfast, do some work or participate in some conference calls, watch a few episodes of whatever show I'm on (finished Parenthood and am now onto Revenge).  Somewhere in here, a nurse will come visit me, take my vitals and put baby and me on the monitor for an hour and give me some Murilax with cranberry juice.

Before I know it, it's time for lunch!  I usually eat lunch around 12:30 or 1 PM, when Andy will bring me something from the cafeteria downstairs.  If work is light, he might stay and eat with me, but if not, I continue to watch a show while I scarf down the food.  The afternoon means some spreadsheet updating, some email answering, and about three more episodes before it's time for my afternoon shower at 4 PM.  After I shower, I usually play around on the computer for a bit, text some friends, or watch another show.  Then, around 6 or 6:15 ish, Andy, May and Jordan come for dinner.  They normally leave around 7:30 PM and then I study my scriptures, get ready for bed, and watch another episode or two.  One night, I ended up making a slideshow of Jordan's first year (something I have been meaning to do all this time but never got around to), and I will aim to make his second year slideshow also.  Before I know it.. it's time to talk to Andy before bedtime, we pray together, and then I might watch another episode before bed or just get ready for bed.  Somewhere in my nighttime routine, the nurse comes in to take my vitals, give me my vitamins, and put me on the monitor for another hour.

All throughout the day, I'm drinking water and getting up to pee almost every half hour.

Time goes by pretty quick as long as I don't let my mind wander to all the other things I could be doing if I weren't on bedrest.  To be honest, our generation is so lucky to have the internet and Netflix and Hulu.  My boss made fun of me on our call yesterday, asking me if I was keeping myself occupied with bon bons and soap operas.  I politely reminded him that modern technology has enabled me to have access to a lot more options of shows to watch and things to browse online.  It's true!  Bedrest ain't the same as it was five, even ten years ago!  It's really not so bad and no, I'm not bored out of my mind yet. I'm actually keeping busy hehe.

Hospital Bedrest: Day Seven

I have a 32 oz mug that is consistently full of water which I empty at least 4-5 times a day.  My main objective is to lie on my side, drink that water, and pee.  Life seems pretty simple when your only MO is to drink and pee and stay in bed.

Everytime I go into the restroom within 4 steps of my bed, I stare at the shower which has a dangling piece of thing on it that won't stop moving.  I wonder each time if it will be still when I go in next, and every time so far, it has continued to wiggle at me.  It fascinates me.

I have become simply famished lately.  I want to eat anything and everything and the only thing I look to the clock for is solace that it might almost be time to eat again.  I know I am losing muscle mass and tone with each passing minute I lie in bed, but somehow the desserts and carbohydrates available are more appealing than the protein and fruit I once craved the first few days I was in the hospital.

I have become consumed by the show Parenthood and am almost completely done with all four seasons.  When I take a respite and fall into a nap, I dream that I am in the show or interacting with the characters.

I wonder if my husband will come visit me if work slows down, but when he does come, I feel ashamed of my bed head and colorless face that greets him.  I loathe my super short hair that cannot be tied up or pulled back without looking simple disgusting.  

I look forward to the moment Jordan's face lights up when he's wheeled into my room.  May and him come everyday around dinner along with Andy and we have dinner together.  It's been so nice to have home cooked meals with May around and to hear about their day, to see Jordan so happy and watch him explore the hospital room which hasn't ceased to bore him quite yet.

My body has begun to ache from the muscle atrophy.  It's made me think that a scary c-section might actually be a better alternative given how weak I am feeling, how will I push a watermelon out if the time comes?!

I am really happy to still have Ethan cooking on the inside instead of the ICU, but my fear of how much my hospital stay is costing us has also been creeping up on me.  I know it's unlikely we will hit the deductible of $1,500 plus the out of pocket maximum of $5,000 after paying only 10% out of pocket after the initial deductible, but I am still really frightened by the unknown financial burden since we are also paying double utilities, double rent/mortgage, and a bunch of contractor costs for the Utah home.

Our scheduled trip to Utah for a week at the end of April is now cancelled.  I haven't worried too much about the home and how we will get blinds in or curtains up or walls painted... I figure I have all the time in the world after we're physically in Utah and even as sleep deprived as I know I will be, I will have the use of my body to roam around and do things.

Our bodies are truly temples.  I don't think I ever realized how much it did and how lucky I was to work out, walk, run, and whatever else bedrest will not let me do with it.  Our minds, on the other hand, can get us into so much trouble over thinking and stressing out.  For the most part, I've been able to let my mind dull out all day while sleeping or watching Parenthood and haven't thought about reality much.  I think that's a good thing.  Too much thought with not enough movement is not a good thing for me right now.

Day 7.

Tantrum Central.... We Have Arrived

Tantrums are so unbelievably tough.  Every parent (maybe just me) justifies it immediately with he must be tired or he must be hungry but not one person I know well... enter, my husband.  Nope, never will you hear him say that.  Or at least not often.  He might have said it once or twice on vacation.. but it really is rare of him.  Instead, he seems to focus on what we should do.. and calmly reassures me that we just have to explain things to Jordan and help him understand.

How I wish I had that patience and clarity whilst dealing with a screaming, kicking, and very violent almost 2 year old who doesn't seem to understand anything I say except that his "no" response will tick me off more.  I try so desperately to stay calm but I hear the volume in my voice rising, peripherally see the smoke coming out of my ears and feel the intense redness rise in my cheeks, and I really just want to give my boy a good old fashioned spanking.  What ever happened to those?!  Where's my belt when I need it!!!

I hold back.  I resist the inherent urge to slap him silly.  I explain to him why he is in trouble.  He laughs.  OUTLOUD at me.  AGAIN and AGAIN.  He NEVER laughs when Andy is talking sternly to him or telling him what he's done wrong.  He thinks I'm funny.  He tries to hit my face.  He tries to bite me.  He is only making me madder and madder.  And the madder I get, the funnier he thinks it is.  He is squealing with laughter now.  How terrifically hilarious is this Mother dearest?!

I think to retrieve the bumbo, thinking it will help me by somehow holding him down while he's in "time-out."  With one arm strapped around his stomach, his face facing outwards, his legs kicking like crazy and his head repeatedly banging back as I lunge back to avoid getting whacked by his surprisingly strong and sturdy little head, I use my left hand to grab the bumbo that is high above the shelves in the tiny awkwardly angled closet (good thing I'm tall) in his room.  It comes down easily but because it is so stinking large, on the way out of the narrow closet door opening (made narrow by all the toys we have on the floor surrounding the door), I accidentally knock over the space heater which I try to catch and somehow lunge towards the wall with the bumbo, my clumsy and rearranged pregnant weight self of a fool unable to control the shift of weight, knocks down a frame on the wall and almost trip over the box of toys next to my feet.  It's a good thing I'm always making Jordan pick up his toys, because the room is neat though full, and I am still tripping over stuff!  I somehow catch myself and make it out the room with Jordan still screaming (though he stopped for a second to say "uh-oh" when the frame fell) and crying real tears of absolute horror and sadness as he continues to arch his back and kick his legs in an attempt to free himself.  No such luck dude.  

I want to hug him and comfort him against this witch of a mother trying to punish him for something he probably didn't mean to do.  Except he's done it OVER and OVER again and we've told him NOT to, or to STOP, words we KNOW he understands because he always hesitates and for that inkling of a hesitation, you know he is thinking.. pondering if he should test the limits, just see what we'll do.  And when he does something wrong with Andy around, he won't look him in the eye, as if mortified by his own inexcusable actions.  He looks away and then peeks at Andy to see if he's looking, and Andy always demands that he "look!" at him, which makes Jordan whimper or cry.  On the other hand, he knows Mommy is a sucker for him.  He knows Mommy will always come into his room at night.  When Daddy comes though... he knows it's over.  It's time to wave his white flag of defeat and go to sleep.  Oh if only Mommy would come instead of Daddy.  Except Daddy's not home now and he knows it.  So he'll do whatever he can do keep Mommy aggravated or appeal to her softer side so she'll cave.

I put him in the bumbo and he says owee.  I'm unsure if he's really hurt or just saying that so I'll kiss him instead.  I ask him where he has an owee and like clockwork, I kiss where he's pointed to on his leg, and he smiles a bit, but his eyes are still glimmering with the tears welled up.  What do I do?!  How do I be a good parent who teaches him responsibility and follows through when his cute lil face is looking back at me with such sadness?!  How much I just want to HUG him instead of DISCIPLINING him.  Ugh.  UGHHHHH!!!

I make him sit down even as he's arching his back and trying to escape the Bumbo.  "Jordan!  Do you know why you're in time-out?" I ask.  "Yea," he replies.  "We do NOT bite people and we do NOT hit people, do you understand?"  "Yea," he replies again.  "Will you do it again?" I ask.  "Yea," he says again.  Does he even get it or is he just saying yea until I ask for a kiss and a hug and excuse him?  Change of plan.  Let's go with good "yea" questions then.  "Jordan, we do NOT hit or bite, okay?"  "Yea," he says again.  "Do you promise Jordan?"  "Yea."  Ugh.  If only I could bite him to show him how much it hurts or slap his face as he does to me so much lately, but that would just show him that Mommy does it so he should too.  Oh the confusion.  The frustration.  The difficulty of being a parent.

And I only have one. ...!  Yes I KNOW!!  Don't warn me about how much harder it will be with two.  I'm not an idiot.  I get it.  It'll be harder.  Tougher.  You'll care less.  You'll let your kids run around with snot on their noses and the limited TV time will become archaic.  Well.. I beg to differ and when I don't, then we can all laugh and say remember when you thought?.....

But this tantrum thing does suck.  He finally calms down.  I ask for a hug and a kiss and then, just like that, we're good.  No more tantrums for the rest of the day.  Just one big one today.  I'll take it over two or more, but I'd really prefer none.  We are all happy.. until he's playing independently in the living room and in the moment of silent tranquility, I calmly notice blood on my foot.  I came out with the owee.  I must have tripped on something because there's a cut and a lot of blood on one of my toes.  I hate blood.  I am so scared of the day when I have to clean up blood off of my sons who are being boys.  It doesn't hurt though, not yet at least.  I go to clean it up with water only (I'm too scared to put an antibacterial whatever to really clean it...) and then I put on some pain numbing Neosporin (a special kind I bought to help myself), and decide I'll wear flip flops and not go to any parks with sand - just wood chips - for today.  "You ready to go out Jordan?"  "Yea," he tells me.  So maybe our communication skills aren't that great yet.  Maybe we just know "yea" gets us everything and "no" means no more of something.  Oh well, we'll work on it.

We get downstairs together (it's harder and harder as I'm still holding him, my stomach is getting larger and why did we want to live on the third floor again?  oh yea, cuz of the vaulted ceilings.. overrated).  The pain in my foot starts to set in.  Ouch.  Motherhood can be so painful sometimes.  I strap Jordan into his seat, make my way around to mine, buckle my seatbelt, adjust the mirrors, shift us into reverse, and turn on some music.  I look back at Jordan who is just smiling ear to ear and he says, "Mommy?" and I reply, "yes baby?" and he just smiles and knocks his head back against the carseat as if to say, "I am so happy you're with me today."

I'm happy too Jordan.  I'm happy too.

No pain.. no gain.  No tantrums?... no way.

 regressing to a baby because his buddy Eliot had a pacifier during vacation and he wanted one too!

 we got the free golf club from Georgia in the mail... first official sponsor?....

 opening it up...

 this is nice Mom!

 this is how motherhood feels sometimes... a weird daze of huh? what next?!

 my big 23 month old

 our morning routine now: 1 hour of work while Jordan watches Einsteins and Mater's Tall Tales

 how much longer can I put him in a onesie and pretend he's still a baby? ....

as long as you want Mom.  as long as you want.  

Oddly Enough...

I feel really overwhelmed when I begin to think about how to decorate our new home.  What paint color, what wall art, what type of curtain, what themes, what photos, what new frames, what shades, what blindes, etc. etc - all that just intimidates me and I'm actually dreading it a bit.  I'm not very artistic in that sense and having an interior designer would be great in this case!  Give me some options and I'll just say yay or nay.   I can't even figure out what exactly is my style.  I know things look cute in magazines, but when I think about the reality of that being a home with children running around in, I think bleh....!  I've been on Pinterest trying to seek inspiration but I'm always thinking is it kid friendly, baby safe?  It really is a lot to think about!

However, I do get really abnormally excited over organizing stuff that nobody will see (unless they open my cupboards whilst in the bathroom or something).  How I'll split sections in my drawers, put under the sink cabinet boxes, boxes within boxes, bags within bags within boxes, organize my shelves, determine which cabinet holds what, etc... oh, that stuff just tickles me skipping happy!  I have been scouring Overstock.com, Amazon.com, Ikea, BB&B, and the Container Store to begin understanding the high and low costs for things I want to organize with.  Gone will be the ghetto days of using free Costco boxes and empty shoe boxes to organize my cabinets and drawers.   In its place, I hope to obtain some nice media boxes, some nice clear plastic boxes, and maybe even fancier stuff!  Knowing that I will have ample space to store things is also tremendously exciting.  I can't wait!

Now if only I had a label maker.  With cute font.

HEEE HEEE

Not a Dog Person But....

Boy, does Jordan loves dogs.  He will just chase after them, yelling out "woh woh" which is his interpretation of a woo-woo dog sound.  He knows how to say "Fatty," the name of my parents' dog, and he just is enamored with him.  When we were staying with my mom in LA, he'd wake up and hear the pitter patter of Fatty's footsteps in the living room, put his hands up to his ears as if listening really closely, and then ask, Fatty?

So given the opportunity to take a dog off of our friends' hands, I graciously (and stupidly) volunteered.  It would only be for a week.  I'd get permission from the management here at our apartment since pets are technically not allowed.  It'd be easy peasy.

And it was.

For the entire day, Andy thought we would be dog sitting for our fellow resident radiology buddies, the Smiths.  I even got them in on it so Andy believed it whole heartedly.  He came home, still concerned, and asked me if I had gotten it in writing from management that the dog could stay with us for a week.  This is not a small dog.  This is quite the opposite.  I can't believe he fell for it.

April Fool's.  I'd say I got my husband pretty good.

No, we aren't getting a dog.... not even to dogsit for.  We aren't dog people.  He was probably very confused but being that the Smiths have picked us up from the airport numerous times, at all odd times of the dawn and night, he didn't think much of us doing them a favor since they have been so kind to us.  In fact, he was not even upset that I had offered to help out with such a big dog favor without consulting him first.  What a great guy and gullible husband.

I also tricked my mom... who started yelling at me with a million reasons why we should not get a dog. When I reminded her what day it was today, she laughed, a little embarrassed.

I told my brother I won a small lottery.  He told me family members would all want a piece.  I wonder if he was referring to himself... before I could wonder any longer, I told him it was April Fool's.

And I also used the dog story on some other friends who were all shocked.  It was a good one.

Happy April Fool's!  Hope you got to fool someone, even if for a bit.

Eating in LA Soon!

Jordan and I are coming to LA a few days before our scheduled partial vacay (half will be in Arizona with our friends again!) because of a quarterly work meeting on Thursday.  Andy will join us late Friday night after Step 3 of the Boards.  In preparation, I have been thinking of all the places we want to eat and because I know what I like and don't have much time to experiment... our week will basically consist of (if we can fit it all in!):

• Thirfty ice cream
• Pinkberry or Yogurtland fro-yo 
• Sinbala shaved ice and Taiwanese delights
• Ding Tai Fong dumplings and chicken soup
• Saladang satay chicken and pad thai
• Golden Deli spring rolls wrapped in lettuce
• Phoenix Inn seaweed and desserts
• Panera Mediterranean veggie and fiji apple chicken salad
• In-n-Out burger and shake
• Cha-cha chicken Caribbean chicken
• Kogi Truck tacos
• Full House Seafood dim sum
• Cathy's Bakery's baked goods

There doesn't feel like enough time since Thursday I'm in Manhattan Beach all day, Sunday is the Sabbath (and we'll be dining in with family and friends), and Monday we're off to Disneyland, but we're making the most of when we are in town, and so excited for all the good LA eats.

I'm grateful that my family lives in the LA suburbs and that we'll get to consistently go back a few times a year, even if it means we'll always be eating at the same places.  What can I say?  We know what we like and we can't wait!

And because family members want to see photos of Jordan...

 at the park with his best buddy Finn.

eating cantaloupe with Finn and having a conversation in jibberish (Finn can speak but he indulges Jordan and says "yeah?" everytime Jordan speaks jibberish to him)

 putting practice with Daddy

Bubbles at the Carwash

After my glucose test at the OBGYN yesterday, I took the rare opportunity driving the small car and ventured off to the automatic carwash.  Our car used to be white but with all the dirty snow and lack of cleaning for more than half a year, it was looking more grey and was completely overdue for a wash.

As I sat in silence alone in the car watching the bubbles swish back and forth, changing in size, disappearing and then reappearing.... I thought about life and how quickly it flies by us.  With each swoosh of the rubber slamming against my car over and over again, my mind wandered to how quickly  tiny no teeth baby has turned into a full mouth of teeth toddler while mesmerized by the different sizes of water bubbles all flashing before my eyes and then swimming off my windshield like a well rehearsed synchronized swim routine.  The water put me in a daze and my mind drifted into his baby days, the little wrinkly alien with the cone head who then grew into cuddly rolls and then morphed into my curious cute little troublemaker crawler.  At a year, right about when we were moving to Washington, he was still a stumbling no word little man but now, almost two... he is a fully trying his best to communicate but really just babbling (most of the time) two year old.  

I thought about if Andy and I have changed that much over the last two years.  He's gone from a head of flopping hair to a buzzed head, back and forth a few times, I've gone from long hair to longer hair to so short I can't believe I have this hair.  But other than that, we both still somehow look the same (maybe more wrinkles?).  And yet, we've been through so much together already in just a few short years.  We made it through our first year of parenthood, changed jobs, matched for his residency, traveled, graduated, moved, and are now anticipating our growing family in our own house in just 3.5 months.  And the weirdest thing.. people call him Dr. Phillips (not me .. not yet, haha).  

I continued to enjoy the few minutes I had in there lost in my thoughts, away from the world and just enclosed in my car, not really recalling what it was like to run errands by myself from just two years before.  My thoughts turned to motherhood and how it has changed and softened my heart, humbled me, and taught me about my own shortcomings.  I ran through the things I still needed from the market, the lesson I am teaching in Church on Sunday, the house updates, room designs, and numerous projects we have planned, and then my thoughts were interrupted by the water dancing over my windshield again.  I stopped thinking for once and just admired it.  It was so calming.  The smell penetrated through the closed windows and reminded me of when I was a kid, of going to the carwash with my dad and having so much fun inside the car as the bubbles suffocated us and then disappeared with the heroic water who came and rescued us.  And I just enjoyed it.  Took it all in.  The bubbles, the water, the rubber, even the flashing red light that told me it was all done and I had to move forward and exit.

Back to reality, back to a million things to do, a cute little boy who loves me and gives me muted kisses on my lips (because he puckers his big lips which are still small for his size), back to a husband who still makes me blush but also laugh and be better, back to a job that takes up a lot of time but is really flexible, fun, and enables me to go back to LA often, back to loads of laundry, back to piles of dishes, back to a living room scattered with Jordan's toys, back to the amazing but busy life at home.  

In the Bible, Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.  I might not look back, but I do often dwell on how fast time has gone by and can spend hours looking at old photos, reading old journal entries, etc., and really a quick glimpse here and there is great... but my present and my now deserve my undivided attention more and I'd like to remember that as we move forward.  I'd like to keep a good record of it all, but there's a time and a place for sitting down to read it all.  And today just might not be it.  I said good-bye to the carwash and told myself I'd go back soon for that respite of five minutes to clean the van... and some. 

Daylight Savings Sucks

And not because it's affecting my child - no, Jordan seems just fine with the change and has been sleeping from about 8/8:30 PM - 7:45/8:00 AM so far.  His naps were a little later than usual yesterday - around 2 PM instead of 1 PM, but Spring Forward has been a-okay for him!

Me, on the other hand.. I lie in bed for 2 hours before I fall asleep, thinking of anything and everything.  The thoughts occupying my mind lately have included my court contested hearing tomorrow (for a moving violation in a school zone, yes I'm quite aware the chances are stacked against me), my gestational diabetes test on Thursday that I think I may fail because I am insulin resistant due to my diagnosis of poly-cystic-ovarian-syndrom ("PCOS") and have been feeding it by not exercising regularly and eating a lot of excess sweets, items to update for my quarterly in-person work meeting next week, how I'm going to fly with Jordan in my lap and Ethan growing in my belly (we are going to LA before Andy on our own), ways to repurpose existing furniture and organize our play room/home office, if I'll have enough counter space in our kitchen, all while getting up every 15 minutes to use the restroom.  Thank you small bladder whilst pregnant.

Rant over.

So Cal Asian Foodies

*long post that jumps around without real transitions warning.

I don't know why, but I find it horrifically offensive when people accuse me of being a foodie and I would rather shrink in a corner than admit that.  I'm not sure what the exact definition of a foodie is, but it feels like you need more money to be one and you care to spend the money to be one so therefore, I do not qualify.  I have many friends who do, and I admire them for their foodie hobbies and look forward to recommendations and photos of places to eat, but as for me... I take photos of my food because I'm Asian and that's what we've grown up doing.  I Yelp! about my food because I like to share my opinion, not because I'm exceptionally good at rating places or a certified food reviewer.

I like trying new and innovative places that get great reviews because I like good food.  Good food can be something cheap, something expensive (as long as I'm not paying), or something super Corporate.  The nice thing about mom and pop places is that sometimes you do get more for your money, or more ambiance to enjoy, and then it becomes famous and everyone invades it and it's just not worth the effort anymore.  I know, I sound so hipster and it's so annoying to admit it, but that doesn't mean I don't go back or that I look down on chain restaurants.  Or that I don't love getting in line for the tourist trap that will be a huge letdown just so I can cross it off my list and not wonder when I drive by the long line again (here's looking at you Pink's and Honey Boba).  I personally love chain restaurants and have been to more than the average consumer, but I simply do not discriminate... it's just with us not eating out lately and on a budget, when we do.. we usually try to go somewhere we haven't been yet.  But good places to eat are good places to eat, and for the short time that we're visiting So Cal come March, I already know all my normal spots to hit up.  I don't care much for anything new or trendy, but maybe we will try one or two... for the most part, we will be going back to all the good eats I miss so much.

Come to think of it, most Asian people who grow up in Southern California are probably easily labeled as foodies.  Not by choice or habit or design or hobby, but by mere fact that Asians just love food and aren't super outdoorsy like white people (there are exceptions like when they grow up and become more adventurous or start to run a lot or bike a lot like one of my cousins who is super into marathons and being fit and healthy now, but keep going with me people) and frankly, hate the sun (ever seen those Dark Vadar visors, gloves while Asians are driving, and umbrellas to shield the sun?), so with it sunny all year round in SoCal, food just becomes the one safe haven away from the sun where one can bond and eat and talk and connect and umm, we love our cameras and have even before they became easy to use via phones, yes - we use to carry those big cameras around and developed our film before everything became digital, that's just what we do....  and throw peace signs, but seriously - it's what we do.  

Food brings everyone together, but for Asians, especially American Born Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, Phillipino, or whatever else I've left out, it is a thing, a big thing.  I've never had my friends back home get together just to hang out without having something to snack on be it fruit or chips or something!  Most of the time, we go out to eat because what else would we do... go to the beach?!  Heaven forbid.  Again, that's something we've grown into but we still would prefer to eat than hang in the sun together.  

You think about how much variety there is in Asian food, and you can only fathom why food is such a big deal because really, there are so many different kinds of it.  Chinese food is actually not a category of its own.  You see, within that, there is Taiwanese, Shanghai, Hunan, Cantonese, and that's just to name the ones I can think of!  Then there's also Mongolian, Malaysian, etc. and provinces and areas that I don't even know about but have surely eaten foods from.  With Korean, there's Korean BBQ, tofu, soups, sushi (they call it kim bop), rice, noodles, etc.  With Japanese, there's sushi (which is super hip now for everyone) but then there's also the BBQ bar grilled Japanese type of genre that hasn't really been explored by non-Asians yet (at least to my knowledge).  But western civilization has modernized most of the popular Asian foods and helped make them easy to appreciate by the general public, which is why sushi, Korean BBQ, Vietnamese Banh-Mihs, and pho have slowly made their way into mainstream eats.

Growing up, I knew more about all the different Asian food before I even knew what minestrone was (or the pronunciation for that matter).  With the exception of Indian food (which I did not learn about or try until college in 2002), my world of taste had already encompassed all other Asian areas of the world.  And yet, I did not know what rye bread or matzo balls were until 2005 (because I grew up in Arcadia people, not Bel Air).

I also think the "foodie" labeling comes with time and experience.  I look at my cousins who eat at all the hopping places, but I also remember when my eldest cousin came home from eating out one time in the 90's and explained, Olive Garden is the best restaurant ever!  Okay, it's a great restaurant, but certainly not the best Italian out there!  I guess taste and disposable income for dining out just evolve (and hopefully grow) over time, but one should never forget their roots!

So all this has got me thinking because I have seen a trending shift of eating out to fancier places by a lot of people these days, and I've come to appreciate that a real foodie cannot look down at a chain restaurant or think it's below them, instead - they had to have been there, done that.  Hence, So Cal Asians easily qualify as foodies but Beverly Hills wannabes who have never been to a chain cannot.  And the more I think about it, the more I am envisioning where we take our kids when we do go out in the future.  I certainly do not want my teenage sons explaining to their friends how great Ruth's Chris when he's never even been to a Black Angus.  That just doesn't feel right.  Then again, I don't want to take him to Ruth's Chris period until way later in life.  Maybe after he's already had it, when he's working for the man and the man is paying for it.  Until then, I refuse to pay for it, and I know for a fact that Andy is on board with me.  We are just stubbornly cheap like that, but we personally think it builds character... and true foodies.

Okay, so maybe by default of being from So Cal and Asian, I am a bit of a food person, but a foodie that does not make me.

Still my favorite place in Spokane... Chaps, and the only place we've been to three times, alas these photos are from the summer (notice how small my baby is).

Take More Photos!

We got Jordan a shirt from Gap that we thought said "#1 Big Brother" except it actually says "#1 Brother."  Oops.  Well, I suppose he is the #1 brother for now, plus we can't exactly put a shirt on #2 who is still inside the womb.  But man, that #1 big brother is just so full of energy and loves to be with Mommy, which I love too! 

I've been trying to coax Andy into taking more photos of Jordan and me.  When I look back at the past almost two years, there are a lot more photos of Andy and Jordan than Jordan and me.  Part of the problem is me complaining about a "bad" photo everytime Andy takes one, but I don't want to look back at photos in the future with my kids and have them ask, "Where are you Mommy?"  

So here's to taking more photos of Jordan with me, and of documenting the growing babe (below at 24 weeks). 

Last Friday, we went to the bank to close the deal on the home and transfer the majority of our savings *gulp. Jordan is a huge fan of Wells Fargo because the dum dums offered there always make their way into his mouth.  The bank is a fun lollipop place, and Jordan was an angel for the long time we were there, finishing up the wire transfer (which news to us can only be done in person at the bank).

Trying To Be Stylish... A Failed Attempt

I've become obsessed with a few fashion bloggers and find it so entertaining to see what they wear everyday via Instagram and Blog.  When my husband scrolls through my Instragram account (which he does daily at night), he is also subject to what these bloggers post.  Many times, I scream, "Oh, I love her shirt.. too bad it's from J. Crew."  or "Dang!  I want that Theory top!" .... and of course, "Her purse is Prada?!  That is one cute Prada bag though..."  It's great to admire from afar but come on, regular people can't afford that without going into some serious debt, and certainly not me!  His response is normally something along the lines of "Well, it must be easy to look cute all the time when everyone sends you free stuff."  Ha.  I love my husband and how he gets it.

Meanwhile, I will get jeggings from Walmart (seriously, less than $6, yes please!) because I've discovered that's all I want to wear while pregnant besides my work out pants, and blouses from TJMaxx with my luxury spending to continue at Forever21 or H&M, with occasional finds at Macy's - where I expect to become a pro next year since my mother-in-law and her sister are pros, and both happen to be in Salt Lake!

I am also sending my mom photos of what I like - jewelry I can't afford (who spends more than $10 on  a piece of jewelry?  Okay, maybe I'm the only one who doesn't...), rain boots I really don't need but kind of want anyway, and jackets I really don't need but sorta still want.  Duh.  She calls me from time to time while shopping, but lately, she has been ignoring the photos I've been sending and while in LA last time, showed me these bright silver leggings she had purchased for me.  Sorry mom, you know I'm not that trendy EVER, and you know I wouldn't be caught dead in those.  So she took 'em back, told me they were hers anyway, but she was intending to give me hers and go get another pair.  Meanwhile, I continue to ask her when she's getting me the J Brand jeans she promised but instead got herself some.  She also called the other day while at Nordstrom and asked me if I want Coach boots.  "Do they look like the black rain boots I sent you a photo of?" I asked her.  "Well, they are snow boots." she responded.  "Oh," I said, rather dejected, "well what color are they?" I asked.  "Brown," she told me.  And then, I put two and two together and asked her, "Does it say 'Coach' all over it?" to which she responded, "Not coach, but the logo, yes."

"No mom!  I am proud to be Chinese American, but I am not a FOB!"  I will not wear logo shoes.  I sincerely hope she adheres to the photos I'm sending her more.

Yes, trying to be stylish is kind of a failed attempt, but it really does take so much effort and money that sometimes, I'm okay with just being out and about in my CMC sweatshirt and workout pants.  I suppose there are also more pressing matters of life that may matter more... but one day, I will be trendy... one day, just watch and you shall see.