So This Is What It Feels Like!

I was quite nervous during my weekly call this morning.  Jordan's been potty training and though he's had success, it's been met with accidents as well.  He had pooped once in the potty but who knew if it was luck or not?!

I came out of the room in between calls and noticed he was already in the bathroom...on his own.  What?  Kristy, Andy's cousin who comes to help me out during my conference calls, was nowhere near.  I saw she was in the living room but wasn't sure why she wasn't in the bathroom with him.  I had given her explicit instructions to continually ask him if he needed to go pee pee or poo poo and advised Jordan that we do not pee pee or poo poo in our undies.  Maybe he was playing "pee pee" or "poo poo" (where he goes in and makes a sound like he is peeing but nothing comes out, takes some toilet paper, puts it into the toilet, and flushes).  I asked him if he was pee peeing and right as I did, I heard a tiny tinkle and then he said, "yeah, but I done" as he started to go for the toilet paper.  As I reached over to help him, I noticed some pretty big poop in the toilet!  How happy I was... not only had he PEED and POOPED, but he had gotten the initiative to go ALL ON HIS OWN.  I couldn't believe it.  I've never been so proud of my kid.  So I figured... if this is how poop feels like... I wonder what everything else feels like!  I'm hoping it's not the peak, but it sure felt good.

Of course, we're still having accidents - but the fact that I didn't have to clean up poop from the undies today makes it a great day.  I can't wait to see what it feels like when my kid accomplishes other milestones just as great and independent as peeing and pooping!

For the record, he has been potty training since Thursday, and has gotten 11 pee pee stickers and 2 poo poo stickers.  Way to go Jordan!  Keep it up because potty training while we travel is going to be quite interesting....

The scary thing is.. Andy and I got to talking and we discussed how you really just have to wait until the child is ready.  Our kid was clearly not ready the other 3 times because even after preparing and reading all the 3 day training guides and forums online, our child was simply not ready.  We aren't really doing anything differently, but he seems to get it now.

If that's the case... is that how the rest of child raising is going to be?  Will my child need some time to be ready to go to college and become financially independent and responsible?  How much can I prepare and help him and how much will it be just him deciding yes or no?  Kind of scary to think we are just a bit of an influence (we certainly kept talking to him about being a big boy and using the potty which is more than not talking about it at all right...?) - give 'em wings and let them fly... but fall they may and crash they might.  Yikes!  Parenthood is one scary feat and the learning curve sure is steep, but boy does it feel good to know they've accomplished something that you helped encourage.  

p.s. He decided to stop using that little potty (thank goodness!) and instead use the big boy potty with one of those lil seats that go on top - much easier to clean and the restroom has stopped smelling like a typical public mens' restroom (used a pretty solid combination of baking soda, lemon juice and vinegar to wipe down that bad boy), and when we're out without the seat, he likes to stand on the seat (though I've been afraid of his shoes falling in a couple of times).

One Nap Only...?

Jordan didn't wake up until 8 AM this morning, but Andy left at 7:45 AM, so I woke up when he was getting geared up to leave.  I decided it was also time for me to get up (it already felt like I overslept given we are normally woken up by Jordan at 6 AM), I made the bed, said good-bye to the hubs, and then I loaded the whites into the laundry machine, and unloaded the dishwasher items from the night before.  I made Jordan's bottle (he prefers warm milk, he's very particular about such things), and then tidied up the living room.

I heard Jordan making some coo-ing noise so I went into his room and he was just lying there, talking to himself.  "Good morning baby!" and at the sound of my voice, he started to get up, with the biggest smile I have ever seen on his face in the morning.  I changed his diaper, as he lay there just gabbing, telling me all about how well he slept, I'm sure.  And then we went into the living room where he got his warm bottle and lay on the wannabe boppy for 90% of his bottle.  The last 10%, he wanted Mommy to hold him.  And after that, he ran around the living room, taking out everything I had just put away (hey, the 30 minutes was nice), and started to explore all his toys once again.

We had microwaved eggs and milk with a sprinkle of garlic salt for breakfast (I had 2, he had 1) and then we watched some Olympics (on demand), went to the indoor racquetball court to chase a ball (I attempted to work out, I got about 10 minutes in before I smelled a stinky diaper) for a little bit, came back to watch the end of Sesame Street, watered the tomato plant, had some watermelon, and a massive near blowout poop (second time).  Normally, Jordan is beyond tired two hours after waking up at 6 AM, but since he had woken up so late.. I didn't think a nap was necessary.  So we continued to hang out.  He wasn't interested in playing with me anymore, so I worked on some paperwork for getting our passports in order, did some research with the local notary publics around town, and got a call from the Comcast representative, who I bickered with very professionally but very frustratingly, for about 20 minutes.  Jordan, meanwhile, explored the huge box of business cards that Mommy has (and probably will never use up), ate some tomatoes, and played with the mini bags of kleenex that are his new toy.

Around 11 AM, he headed to the kitchen, which meant - he was hungry.  He signed "milk" to me when he heard me microwaving something, and when I asked him if he wanted "milk," he said "yea."  Milk before lunch?  That's odd.  Well..... okay.  "But do you want some fruit snackies or wafers first?" I said as I motioned both items to him.  A slight cry came out of his mouth as he whimpered and whined with his head tilted back and eyes intently focused on the microwave.  "Okay, Mommy will get you some milk," I replied.  He groaned for the next three minutes as I got the milk ready and then we went into the living room where he forgot about his milk request.  When the milk was finally done, I gave it to him and he sat on the boppy and drank about 5 oz, and then sat up.  While he played, I went to get some chicken nuggets ready for him and then he ate his lunch while playing with his Melissa and Doug wooden door contraption.  He tried to sign "all done" (it's palms facing up and then turned to face down - but he just kinda held his palms out and when I asked "all done?" he nodded) and then was off to play again while I got my own lunch ready.  Finally around noon, he seemed ready for a nap.  So I took him into his room and he just lay there, whimpering a little, but too fatigued to get up.    

Freedom I thought, but really - who doesn't feel that the moment their kid goes down for a nap?  I raced over to the computer, caught up on work e-mails, began researching an article I have to write for the next business quarterly newsletter, and then .. I was done.  It's only been an hour and a half into Jordan's nap.. but I don't really feel like folding laundry right now... or cleaning up... or figuring out our weekly menu.  Instead, I'm going to blog about if this is the beginning of a one nap a day baby.  *gulp.  I guess it's not that bad.. but I'll have to get used to it!

This weekend, we went to a Par 3 (my first time golfing besides the driving range) and Jordan was in love.  He's ready to become a golfer.  And according to my husband, I'm actually "pretty good," so if that's not just flattery to someone you've already married, maybe there's more than just hope for Jordan.

Confident With Baby Shopper

I used to worry constantly about how I would get the groceries once my kid was born.  I used to wonder how the other moms did it.  I used to tell my mother-in-law that there was no way I'd be able to do it without her.  I used to wish my son would grow up faster so he could sit nicely in the grocery cart with me.  How naive I was... to 1) think it was undoable, and 2) to think it would get easier.

It's been 15 months of grocery shopping with baby and I'm finally at a place where I feel pretty confident going with Jordan now.  I went from fledgling mother going on multiple trips to obtain everything I needed with baby strapped into his carseat and placed inside the cart to intermediate mother with then sitting child who giddy with excitement continually snapped photos to document it to know it all to confident shopper who doesn't even think I shouldn't get that until my husband is helping me anymore.  How did this happen?!

I can make it in and out in less than 15 minutes and effortlessly lug two gallons of milk, a week's worth of veggies and household cleaning products up three flights of stairs with Jordan in my bjorn.  I feel pretty dang good about it too.  And some of my friends (recently at the wedding) have commented on my now lean arms and stronger biceps - no doubt from the twenty pounds I carry daily (yeah, he's a skinny minnie) but also from the additional weights I occasionally add on for all our grocery needs.

I know it'll all change with another child (spare me the warning everybody with more than one child), but I'm pretty content with the routine we've got in place, and I wish I knew what I know now then.

1) Create a list - Never, and I mean NEVER, go to the grocery store with child just to pick up one or two items or to see what you may need.  Go with purpose.  Intent.  Create a plan.  A list.  Separate it by item category (veggies, meat, frozen, dairy, cleaning, personal hygiene products, etc.) too!

2) Go at an ideal time  - This one is a little trickier and took some time for me to finesse.  The perfect time for me is after Jordan has eaten... but also after he has gotten some energy out of his body, but not when he's so tired he'll become delirious (some kids get cranky, mine - he gets way deliriously hilarious).... that is not a huge window of opportunity, but after realizing it - I have made it a staple of our grocery trips.  If not, it will HAVE to wait.  I will make other adjustments.  I do not intend for Jordan to get out of his nice little grocery cart seat while in the store, but if he hasn't run around enough before we leave... he'll whine and try to stand up (no matter how tight you make the seatbelt!)

3) Bring distractions - Also known as typical household items and snacks. New items help - ones he has not seen before.  Contraptions with buttons or zippers or straps are all goodies.

4) Prepare your kid! Talk about the grocery trip - I know Jordan is too young to understand but I want to establish good habits young.  So I talk to him about where we're going, what we're getting at the grocery store and try to involve him in the process.  I hated going to the grocery store with my mom when I was a kid, but for me - it was a filial piety thing.  To not go would mean I was disobedient and disrespectful and I wanted to be the good kid.  My mom's mechanism worked also - she always got me a snack of boba milk tea at the place next door or some Chinese red bean filled circle crepe things, yum and I also got to pick out my own cereal and snacks.

5) Park by the cart drop off - I hate putting my cart in the lot randomly instead of the rightful place, in the cart return place.  But putting the stuff into the trunk, Jordan into his carseat, and then taking the cart back is near impossible!  So I find the parking spot CLOSEST - if not immediately next to - the cart return thing!  Genius!  Or so I thought when I first discovered it.  Given the choice between a spot right by the store and one far but by a cart return, I choose the latter.  Bonus points for spots that are close and have a cart return nearby!

I tried to find a recent photo of Jordan at the grocery store sitting nicely in the cart, but apparently, that's not a big deal anymore.  Trust me, it was a HUGE deal when he was a few months old, when he learned to sit, and now .. it's just a normal thing I suppose.  

Games We Play At Home

Jordan and I like to play games at home.  Currently, here are our favorite games to play:

1) Throw all the plastic golf balls as far as you can, then go pick 'em up.  Repeat.
2) Roll a thing of tape on the floor down the hall until it bumps into something.  Repeat.
3) Shriek hysterically after laying down on the Panda pillow pet.  Repeat.
4) Give eskimo kisses.
5) Stack Kirkland paper towels and then knock 'em over.  Count them while stacking, then knock 'em over.  Put 'em in a row, then knock 'em over.  Basically... knock 'em over. Repeat.
6) Pretend to talk on the phone with Andy's old phone, the remote control, the baby monitor, and anything else that's around.
7) Bang on the drumset of pots upside down until Mom says that's enough.
8) Put jenga blocks anywhere it fits (these are fun, we find them everywhere, even places we did not see him put them).  Repeat.
9) Crawl through Huggies boxes.
10) Run through Daddy's BYU and Mommy's CMC school flags like a bull.  Yell and laugh.  Repeat.

We have a good time.  And then I don't feel so bad when I am working at the computer, iPad, or Kindle while he plays with his toys independently before his second nap.   Haha.  

It's True...

At 11 months, a week shy of one year old, my son's pee stream just hit me in the face.  It's true, everyone told me it would happen, that the pee stream would turn from a half broken water fountain into a geyser.  When precisely, they did not tell me.  Yes, they were indeed right.  Here's me fulfilling my responsibility as a fellow parent with a warning to all those who have yet to experience the joy of pee in their face.  Above the eye to be precise.  Boy, am I glad my mouth was not agape.

Did I do that?

The Art of Distraction

I know I haven't been a mom for long.... but I've already learned one of the tricks of the trade.  The art of distraction is fundamental in avoiding chaos, going insane, and yelling regretful and angry rhetorical questions which your child is most likely, unable to answer.

It starts simple.  A soft humming.  Some rocking.  A swaddle.  A song sung.

It tends to change over time.  A game of peek-a-boo.  A new toy.  Something colorful.  Something that makes noise.

At some point, it becomes food.  Or anything electronic that is not a toy until it appeases a cry or a potential tantrum.  That is.. until the child learns to speak.  Or whine.  (Not synonymous though deceptively confusing at times...)

For now.. I'm enjoying the simplicity of distracting Jordan.  The iPhone is off limits, normally.  It has been pulled out for emergencies and has successfully distracted him without fail.

p.s. It works with your significant others as well.

First Birthday Party for Me!

My lil one (and only one thus far) is turning one in a couple of months and I have been trying to decide if I have the time and energy to plan an elaborate and over the top celebration to commemorate a year of life.  While contemplating back and forth about the size, time and funds that would be required, I told Andy, "I can't decide if I should do it.. on one hand, he won't remember anything and it makes more sense to dedicate any effort to his second year of life, on the other hand, who knows how far we'll be from family next year?"  After listening to me vacillate for a few days, Andy finally posed the question, "Well, is the party for you or for him?" to which I, without hesitation, responded, "Duh, for me!"

No baby remembers their first birthday right?  The only reminders are photos and videos.  Yet those same photos and videos can trigger actual memories for a two or three year old (I attest to remembering the details of my second birthday whether or not you believe me).  So why put forth the time and energy into that first birthday?  What's the big deal?  I wish I knew, because I am still trying to logically determine what I will do.. how I will do it.. and what that means in terms of money and time, two things we have very little of these days.

You see, try as I might to logically reason with myself.. it is a big deal.  And though I don't plan to go over the top with details or themes, there is a part of me that wants to try.  For one, my baby, my husband and I all made it.  Maybe that's not a big deal for anyone else, but the number of times I've questioned if Jordan's still breathing, the worries I've had over SIDS, and the debate to not have bumpers but maybe have some blankets in the crib (against all SIDS prevention team advice) or the fear of permanently damaging his bum from diaper rashes galore all make his one year milestone monumental.  I have kept him alive for a year.  From here on out, it's probably all downhill.  So why not savor the moment by throwing an egregiously expensive celebration for my little one?

When logic escapes us (okay.. me), family rescues us.  We have two upcoming family trips - one with my mom's extended side of the family, and one with Andy's immediate family.  The first trip is a month before Jordan turns one, but my dad, in a moment of exuberant joy recently, declared he would fund his first grandson's one year birthday party and "zhua zhou."  The "zhua zhou" is an ancient Chinese tradition of putting a few symbolic items in front of Jordan for his choosing.  His selected item is supposed to predict his future interests, career, and/or personality traits.  It is all in good fun and we in no way believe it will establish his future path (he has the freedom to make his own choices), but it's one of those things my family does while celebrating a one year birthday.  Nobody remembers what the child picked years later, but it's a fun activity nevertheless.  The second trip is on Jordan's actual birthday where he will get to celebrate it a few days after his Aunt Tammy turns 30, in our country's capital!  So either way... the family part of the equation is taken care of.

After all that fun has been had, I would like to throw a casual park celebration with all the other kids and friends we've made before we leave for residency (*gulp, Match Day is in a week!), so we may buy a cake, some bubbles, and head to the park for a third birthday party.  As for the cuteness that could be had with the new Photoshop I just got for Christmas from my in-laws... that might be put on hold.  Or not...

Puke Trumps Spit-Up

Lately, Jordan has consistently been able to wear one outfit the entire day (you laugh, but this was immense progress from our four to five outfits per day era which was not that long ago).  Our laundry loads had decreased significantly.  The weight of the diaper bag had declined dramatically.  The amount of daily spit-up clean up had dropped as well.

We thought our days of spit-up had passed us. We thought we had moved on to bigger and better things.  We were right.

Unfortunately, puke trumps spit-up.  And after Jordan projectile vomited vehemently three times on Valentine's night, I encountered an entirely new threshold of disgusting things you overlook for the sake of your child.  As I sat there with a rare combination of fish, rice, strawberries, zucchini, pasta sauce and little noodle bits on my skin with the pool of vomit pressed against my back (it was warm though, having just left Jordan's stomach)...and all I could think of was oh my goodness, is he okay?  my poor baby!

Jordan loves us both equally and has shown us such - as he never spit-up on me as bad as on Andy this one momentous occasion when he was about two months old.  Alas, he wanted to demonstrate his unbiased love for me on this sweetheart night at almost ten months, and I have learned a few things with certainty.

1) puke trumps spit-up: Jordan must love me more!....
2) nothing is disgusting when it's your child: not poop, not throw-up, not snot, not anything!
3) we're in it together: I am so grateful for an eternal companion who is there when the throw up overthrows us
4) babies are tough: Andy gave Jordan a quick bath and next thing you know, he was up and ready to play, giggling, crawling, and full of energy.  I don't know about you, but after I puke, I'm emotionally and physically withdrawn and just need to rest...but no...not Jordan!
5) Valentine's 2012 will forever be embedded in my memory as the night Jordan threw up all over me

Tiger Mom Much?

We start 'em young.  

Cuddly Baby

My baby's been super cuddly lately.  He wants nobody but me, not even his Daddy will do.  If I leave him on the floor, he'll crawl over to me, pull himself up, and bounce up and down in his standing position, content just to be near me.  If he's tired and not in his usual chipper mood, that's not enough and he wants to be cuddled, but only by me!  Sometimes he'll crawl and mumble, "mum mum mum" in between small tears, unaware what it means, only a mutter used to get my attention.  I've never felt so loved!  Nothing can compare to the bit of pride sprinkled with a bit of guilt and pity for Andy since Jordan obviously prefers me now (I'm sure that won't last when mom's telling him to pick up his toys and dad is full of fun games and sports talk).

The last time Jordan really cuddled with us was around three months old, this new phase of his is quite refreshing.  Some things haven't changed in the eight months of Jordan's life... like how much he still loves the Bjorn, being held upside down, having his legs pulled straight (Asian wives' tale to get longer straighter legs), taking a bath, and smiling.  Other things... like the difficulty of changing his diaper, putting him to sleep, and putting his clothes on, continue to baffle me.

He loves balls, ropes, electronic devices (remote controllers, beepers, and phones) credit cards, putting all of these into his mouth, crawling, standing, Baby Einstein, and yours truly.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with his obsession of me, but then I remember... this won't last forever and he will grow up and not want to hug mom anymore.  So for now, I am indulging in the moment, taking it all in, and loving it.  Okay, so maybe not all the time, but I'm trying... and I remind myself of the honor and the greatness of being all that he wants sometimes.

Funny enough, for how much he loves me, I hardly have any photos of just him and me.  Better start asking strangers to take photos for me, or learn how to take better reverse shots of us (it's hard because all I focus on is how I look - egotistical me, and Jordan is always not paying attention when I look good hahahahaha).


Us at the BYU vs UCI volleyball game where the Cougars beat the Anteaters.  I know, Anteaters... really?

I Kissed His Poop

So many titles could have graced the headline of this blog post.

The Dirty Truth

Full of Crap

Covered in Poop

Stink of Motherhood

But nothing really resonated as much as I kissed poop... which is exactly what I thought with a huge face palm doh moment in my mind as I kissed it.  Of course it was not intentional.  Poop got on my son's arms and I washed it off... then, wanting to make sure it was scrubbed enough, I leaned in close to take a whiff... missed and ended up kissing some of the poop...  which was really more like diarrhea but poop sounds better than I kissed number 3.  Yes, by the color and texture, I should have known and not even have gotten close with my nose, but one does not think logically when caught in a stressful situation like this.  At least I did not.

This morning, Jordan and I went to our local "My-Gym" for free gym play time with Jessie and her mom!  My mom wanted Jordan and I to go to some Mommy and Me classes (with my work at home schedule and her close by, I don't make the effort to get with other moms for playdates as often as I should) so she paid for us to go for a few months.  So far, Jordan's loving it and the open crawl space and new toys always excite him.  However, this morning.. he looked gloomy.  Like something was on his mind.  Like he was distracted.  He was probably not feeling well.. as moments after we left, he yelled in his carseat while stretching out as if to break loose from the carseat.  We were on our way to Target when a huge fart-o-riffic- came out and I immediately flipped a U and turned us around to go home.

We got home five minutes later... and as I unbuckled Jordan from his carseat (he had fallen asleep at this point), I felt his back... soaked.  I took a blanket in the car (always have extra blankets in the car!), wrapped it around him from waist down, and noticing the carseat cushions were also plagued, took those with me as well.  Somewhere along the way, I think poop got on my jacket or my face... but I didn't notice... my only mission was to get to the apartment from the guest parking lot (it's actually a long walk.. I think a quarter of a mile) with Jordan propped in one arm, without his poop getting on more of me, and the obnoxiously overstuffed diaper bag on my other arm and my small purse, which I began using to store just my wallet and phone for times when I leave Jordan with Andy or want to run an errand and the diaper bag is close by in the car....

Off to the apartment we went.  It was a difficult journey.  It really did feel long.  My arms are really a lot more toned than they used to be because of Jordan.  We eventually made it.  Many breaths, spoken words of encouragement from myself, and steps later.  

Once inside, I assessed the damage.  Somehow, the diarrhea made its way to the outside of the diaper... into his pants...up his back... onto his onesie... and a little bit of the long sleeve shirt I put over his onesie.  So trying to take off his clothes... only made it worse as the poop got partially on his arms... and up higher on his back.  The blanket also had gashes of leftover remnants.  All I could think to do was wash off the poop.  So into the sink he went.... and then I noticed it on his arms... and without thinking, I washed and once done... bent over to smell his arms to make sure the stink was gone.... and that's when it happened.

I kissed his poop.

I know I should have just LOOKED at it.  But really.. my senses weren't functioning entirely.  I thought SMELLING it would somehow be superior to LOOKING at it.

That's not even the scariest part.  The scariest part is I was completely unfazed.  I knew what had to get done.. and I worked like a madwoman, washing.. scrubbing... cleaning... disinfecting...and laughing hysterically while wondering if my phone was within reach for some post poop photos... madwoman I tell you!

Notice the bright mustard color?

I have had a mustard obsession for a few years now.  All of a sudden, mustard clothing doesn't seem that desirable anymore.

Sleep

I miss you.  I long for you.  I wish you would come back into my life.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  Where are you?  Do you think of me too?  Do you miss me?  Do you think we'll ever meet again?  They say if you love something... to let it go and if it's yours... it will come back to you.  I'd like to be optimistic... but I'm quite the sure the future will not bring us together... but throw us farther apart.

Oh right.. and that baby who now pulls up and cries doesn't help either. That's why God made babies so cute and edible.  So when you're sleep deprived.... just one look has you melting with joy.  

The Diaper Days of Our Lives

It started out as a meaningless battle.  They all do.  Small insignificant scratches, some pinching even.  Grew into painful wounds.  Cries of discomfort.  Cries of pain.  Cries of anger.  Yelling.  So much yelling.  Screaming.  So much screaming.  Innocent bystanders, looking from the sidelines, unsure whether to laugh or cry.  Helpless victims.  Scars that may not fade away, not even with time.  The images in my mind... they don't stop.  The fear of it happening all over again.

Here is how I change Jordan's diaper now.  Both legs pin his arms down as his face turns beet red from the wails and resistance.  His legs are motionless in the photo, but in reality, they kick out and down, banging the floor and making the already difficult task of changing a diaper upside down, even more challenging.  Sometimes, I think he is in pain.  Are my thunder thighs suffocating him?  Is the upside down view of Mommy too much?  Is his bum more red than I can see from where I currently reside during changes?  Abandon those thoughts!  Any weakness will enable him to escape!  To roll over, diaperless, maybe staining the floor, or worse, your pants *gulp, man up!  Suck it up!  No prisoners!  

How do I know I'm not really hurting him?  That it's all a game to him?  That I must contain the situation and ensure victory on my part before he goes to war with me?!

Because within nanoseconds, he's smiling and cooing, and playing all around. 

Sneaky little cute adorable precious baby of mine.  Please stop rolling over during diaper changes.  Or at least poop when Daddy is home so I have an extra pair of hands to help me!

I waive my white flag of surrender.  The Huggies diapers (on sale at Costco now!) that have a longer side flap, superior to Kirkland brand's tiny flaps that Jordan can wiggle out of.

The Power of Moms

So I am a sucker for baby websites, parenting magazines, self improvement books, etc. and yes, I have been reading up on being a mom.  I understand that there's not prerequisite for being a parent, one just has to get busy and be lucky enough to conceive and then nine gruesome months later... you're with child!  But being a parent is so important... I always want to know more and be better safe than sorry.  Yes, I know my parents didn't do it that way.... yes, I know I still survived mom, but I still want to know what's out there and better prepare myself for the next twenty some years of life as a mother.  And, sometimes... when it's really tough and I just want to moan and groan and complain instead of remembering the good and knowing it's a blessing, I need support from other moms who have been through it.  That's when talking with other moms, or asking how another mom did it... really comes in handy.

That said, do you know how excited I was to stumble across the Power of Moms website.?!  Imagine me with my mouth open, and two hands holding up three with my thumb and pinky bent on both sides to make a big "WOW."  I was stoked!  The website offers free webinars, resources, blog links, learning tools, and awesome essays from real moms.

To make things even better, I found out they are having a Power of Moms retreat in Southern California the last week of January in La Canada!  That's super close to me!  The price was a bit hefty so I quickly e-mailed them with our struggling student status, asking if I could offer to help out in exchange for a reduced rate and lucky for me, they said yes!  Woo-hoo!!!  I can't wait to go to the retreat, to hear the wisdom (or craziness, only time will tell) from the other moms, and leave a little stronger and more prepared at this whole complicated and sometimes very difficult, but always rewarding, yes even when he poops on me or bites my boob, job of motherhood).  It's like I'm still working and I'm going to a big conference, except it's for my new job... the one as a mom.  I can't wait! Side note, what does one wear to something like this?...

Anyway, I should be working but I just spent some time reading an article on the Power of Moms website and wanted to share it because it's so good!  It's entitled "It's Not Just You,"  check it out, very quick read and very true (at least for me).

Is It Mean of Me?

Am I the only mom who sometimes thinks... that it is extremely funny... in regards to when my husband is struggling with the baby, whether it's with a diaper change (which at 7 months becomes a constant battle as Jordan flips over to reach for something) or feeding (where Jordan gets excited, flaps his hands and often knocks the food onto whoever is feeding him and himself)?  I guess it's funny because it's the acknowledgment that I'm not alone in struggling with Jordan's current age appropriate idiosyncrasies, it's also funny because it's not me, and that's always funnier, and lastly, it somehow validates the difficulty and sometimes frustrating things I do all day.

It also makes me feel less of a villain when I shove Jordan into my husband's arms the moment he comes home so I can shower, or pee, or a litany of other things that are seemingly unimportant when Jordan is roaming around, and I must needs be, be capturing it on video or my iphone (yeah, my new work paid for one so I still have NEVER paid for a phone... take that suckers!).

Case in point... today... as I was going through work e-mail the moment Andy got back and I gave him Jordan duty (this whole crawling thing is so fun but definitely more time consuming as everyone promised it would be!),  I almost laughed hysterically and a bit vehemently out loud as Andy exclaimed, "Don't do that Jordan!" as he was feeding Jordan.  I wasn't intrigued enough to go see what he was doing, but I'm pretty sure it was either slumping over in his bumbo to eat it instead of the food, thereby getting food leftover in his mouth on the bumbo, and then reaching over to touch it, or just wacking Daddy with his hands and spilling the food everywhere.

In other news... I really want more volume in my hair.  Voluminous hair seems way cooler than flat lifeless hair.  The commercials agree with me.

I haven't posted any of the photos we took for Jordan's 6 month (we got two sessions - these are done by our talented friend Kate  because our other talented friend Jen wasn't sure if she'd make it out from Arizona in time... she ended up coming and took family photos AND photos of Jordan... more of those later) so enjoy Kate's work.  These are my favorite ones!

goofball. ... what are you doing with your tongue?!

tongue out... favorite thing apparently

goofy smirk

My dad came along for the fun

so did my mom

What Would You Do?

Checked into our Columbus Ohio hotel. Disappointed that parking costs $23 per night.  Devastated more like it.  Guess that $40 meal comped in Chicago was a tender mercy for the outrageous cost of parking Ohio would bring us.

Unloaded all our stuff into the hotel room.  Found ESPN2 on our huge flat screen TV.  Headed to Goodwill where we didn't find anything "as is" tack enough for our upcoming Christmas party.  Bought Jordan a cute zip up hoodie and items to bedazzle with tackiness.  Ventured to Ray Ray's BBQ truck which we found on Yelp!  Discovered it was serendipitously a block from Goodwill.  Imagined ourselves living in Columbus.  Noticed the candles in every window on some houses.  Admired the large colonial style homes.  

Returned back to our hotel.  Gave Jordan a bath.  Worked on company's financials while Andy watched the BYU vs. Hawaii game.  Ate an apple.  Fed Jordan.  Put Jordan to sleep.

And then..... it happened.  

He's still crying it out.  

Give up?  Us?  No way!  

He was crying.  He was wailing.  He was yelling.  He was so... so... sad.  

A knock on our door.  

"Is everything all right?"  In the background, our child is still crying.  

"Yes, he's just teething," says my husband.

"Is there anything we can do?" they ask.  

"No, he's just teething, we're sorry.... there's nothing we can do," my husband responds. 

They leave.  

"Who was it?" I ask (I had not moved from where I was working).  

"The people from downstairs front desk," Andy says.  

At first... I thought, great... we can never train him to cry it out since our neighbors are complaining.  But then... after I mulled about it a bit, I got angry.  He hadn't even been crying for more than ten minutes, and they called downstairs to complain?  To express concern?  To say we're bad parents?!  It's 10:30 PM on a Saturday night... it's not like we're throwing a party, destroying the furniture or being that loud.  Right?  ....  

As I muttered in my state of confusion and anger, Andy rocked Jordan to sleep as he watched the rest of the game and I continued working but now I can't help but think... have we started a really bad trend?  Maybe we should stop traveling with Jordan and start giving him a better routine.  

What would you have done?  

Crying It Out

Jordan's been crying for 45 minutes.  I got him and fed him but then he wanted to play.  Then his eyes fluttered and you could tell he was struggling to stay awake, a laugh came out at the same time that his fists went towards his eyes....his red, red ... very red eyes.  Oh my.... what have I done?!  Back to the crib son!  45 painful heart wrenching crying minutes later.... he has finally fallen asleep...

Jordan is on the verge of crawling and is too excited for sleep.  Sleep is overrated.  I agree son!  Unfortunately, I need him to nap so he can be happy, rested and ready to work at crawling when it's playtime later (and I can finish everything on my list for the day!).

I hate letting Jordan cry it out and I'm probably the reason he has been pushing the buttons lately.  With every daytime "crying it out" session, I have been getting him, prolonging his next "crying it out" session because hey, it worked last time he did it!... Meanwhile, my heart is breaking at his lurching cries and gasping for breath whimpers, and how I long to just cradle him safely in my arms instead of making him sleep.  But wait... NO!  Because then he rubs his eyes and I KNOW he is tired, but refusing to sleep.  It's just more fun NOT sleeping.  Alas, I return him to his crib.  I let him cry.  I sit and listen and long to get him.  I tell myself no.  And then I try to distract myself but man, is it painful.

 Why would I sleep when I can eat pandas?!

 Or pillows?

 Crying it out - the most agonizing thing a parent can endure.  After 45 minutes, this is how I found him (I put the blanket on after I found him asleep).

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but after that "crying it out experience," my lonely lunch by myself didn't make it any better.  Except for my lunch dates with my mom and brother (who just left for Taiwan for six months ... sad face), lunch normally consists of leftovers, lunch meat straight from the bag shoved into my mouth or inhaled (whatever is quicker), a yogurt, and maybe some fruit.  I try to remember to breathe but really my goal is to eat quickly so I can get other stuff done.  

Today, I decided to be adventurous and made myself a salad and well.. we don't really have salad bowls so here I am.  And well, the lonely lunch was made funny by my big blue ghetto bowl.  

I know, I'm so posh but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do to get stuff done.