It Used to Be Just Me...

Nobody likes to admit they rely on anything.

Ask anyone who drinks a cup of a coffee a day whether they could live without it and the immediate confident response is "of course" but often followed with .. "if I wanted to.."

Challenge someone to quit smoking and piece of cake! Bet is on! ...That is, until they cease to quit. "I'm not a quitter!" some say... or "I'll quit until I feel like smoking again..." So in other words, you didn't really quit, you just took a break.

Moreover, nobody likes to admit they rely on anyone.

We are a strong species known as arrogant, pompous, self-righteous and downright cocky. Humble we may aim to be but shortfall we likely encounter. Moral we may claim to reflect but justification we likely retort.

Society teaches us to be self-reliant, independent and strong. Effective habits are derived from within and despite the fact that environment and interactions with others eventually impact us... it all seems to start from within. Our most important relationship is with ourself because that is the only person we have at the end of the day.

But what if yourself is just not enough?

A couple months ago, I went on a short term assignment to Northern California. I was excited for the opportunity to reconnect with all my friends who lived in the bay and start a new project with a new group. The change was going to be refreshing, invigorating and exciting!

It was there that I learned the true art of independence. Because as much as I loved my friends, especially the ones who made me genuinely laugh until my cheeks were sore from over-use and the ones who would listen to me moan and groan about life and offered meaningful advice for change no matter how many times my complaints seem to repeat prior complaints...-- they weren't always around. In fact, most of them were in serious relationships, separated from me by distance, occupied by work or married.

And as much as I loved talking to my family everyday...about how the dog was lying in a weird position and making the cutest sound ever, how happy the new home was making them or how exciting film school was along with the Big Apple...the rents and the bro weren't around when I felt like grabbing a movie last minute, eating dinner with company or going to the gym for a work out.

So alone, I learned how to cook and the art of using tupperware for my leftovers. Alone, I skipped to the gym and didn't feel guilty about working 10 minutes or 90. Alone, I went to the movies and sat by couples, laughing and enjoying the movie (where you can't really talk to anyone anyway) whilst having a blast myself. Alone, I lived my life and loved it.

But something was missing. Something was empty. It was just me .. and it was great, yet it wasn't. What was I missing? A new outfit? A new haircut? A new boyfriend? A new apartment? A new job? And with those thoughts... I started wondering if there was more to life than the happiness I had so far. And somehow, those wandering thoughts, that curiosity for more.. led to me going to Church.

Me? Religious? Never! Having grown up in a family where religion wasn't present but principles, values, culture and tradition were heavily emphasized through actions more than words (no TV on the weekdays, family dinners were a must, filial piety was expected-not encouraged, and consideration for others came before your own needs), I never questioned what was right or wrong and welcomed debates with others to discuss the different outlooks, society's interpretation and the steady decline our morals seemed to have taken lately. I admired those who were religious but did not ever wonder what it was all about. In fact, after having a stint with attending Church every Sunday for a year in high school and subsequently witnessing the hypocritcal nature of religious college students who did not come across as "good" people which thereby lead me to stop going to Church, I could safely say I had tried it.

And then, against everything I knew and believed in... I was introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints. And that... that began my journey of not just me. I would soon get to know someone I had known all my life, but somehow forgotten. I would soon get to know the truth. I was ready and He knew.

Today is the day of miracles

I had to wake up at 6:30 this morning; a Sunday morning mind you. Those who know me well, know that isn't early. I thought I would try and elicit sympathy from those who don't know me well.

There are certain events that regardless of what time I have to rise from bed, I will do so with a smile on my face. Golf is one of those such occasions. Playing with Sophie would be another... unless she's poopy. Then I would wake up at any time after Tammy changes her. Priesthood meetings are another, and that is the reason I arose early this morning.

I left the house with plenty of time to get to the church and relax before the meeting started. However, when I turned my car on, I couldn't shift it out of park. Regardless of what I did, the car would not cooperate. I have had that happen before, and tried all the tricks that worked in the past. Nothing. I said a quick prayer. Nothing immediate. I called my mom. She told me to try the tricks I had already tried. She then said she would help me get in touch with my pops. We hung up and I had the distinct impression to lift upward on the brake pedal and then try again. I followed the impression. I ended up making it to priesthood before the first speaker had started.

No mountains were moved, no angels were seen, no voice was heard. But I know that I saw the hand of the Lord in my life this morning. Such events happen daily in my life. Recognizing them is something that helps me remember that the Lord is on my side, and that He cares enough to be a part of my life. Without a doubt, if you too have sought help from your Maker, if you look with spiritual eyes, you will notice the miracles that have happened in yours.

A little experiment

Below I have posted one of my favorite quotes. As you read it, pay attention to how you feel. Read it a few times and ponder it for a moment, being sure to stay focused on listening to your heart.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

If you had to describe what you felt, I would imagine words like love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, warmth, or hope come to mind. Such feelings are bound to fill our hearts when we are engaged in good works; other activities are bound to cast them out. The key to a happy life would be to learn to do that which invites such feelings, and to avoid the things that drive them away.

Almost sounds too simple to be true. Try it for the next two weeks. You'll find that through small and simple means, great things can come to pass in your life.

Since I'm without a valentine...

On my couch the past two nights has been sleeping one of my good friends. In my dictionary I define good friends as someone who helps you to reach your full potential: I have realized that my life has been full of such people.

I started my life being born into a household of friends. Friends who fed me, cleaned my diapers, and helped my learn the fundamentals of life. They taught me how to make more friends. They taught me everything I have ever needed to know to be happy. They have always been there and will continue to be there for me.

I then began making friends who weren't obligation to love me. Friends who helped me learn to share. I had friends who showed me what it meant to develop talents, by outworking me. Because of them, I tried to do the same. I have friends who showed me what it meant to be a friend, when they would stand by me, when I didn't deserve it. Friends who turned the other cheek as I failed at trying to do the same for them. I have friends who I saw stand up for their beliefs, their standards when it would have been easy to cave. They made it easier for me to do the same. I had friends who helped me decide to go on a mission, because they never wavered in their desire to go. How could I not dedicate two years, when they who had so much more to lose were so steadfast in their decision?

And most importantly, I have a Friend who came into this life, born in a manger. He lived a perfect life, and He was mocked, spit upon, lashed, and eventually crucified. A Friend who bore the weight of all my sins; who gave a sacrifice so great, that if I become a better Friend to Him, He will help me become like Him.

Stake Conference

Stake Conference only comes around twice a year. I can not help but think that that's not enough. The messages that were shared were inspired, and the Spirit that I felt was just what I needed to keep plugging along. One of the themes that stood out to me reminded me of Elder Oaks' talk, The Challenge to Become.

I was reminded of the fact that we are not on this earth to complete some sort of checklist; we are here to become something more. It is not enough to do a good deed daily, we must become charitable. It is not enough to have faith, we must become faithful. It is not enough to know Christ's teachings, we must become like Him.

As I sat listening to the speakers, I couldn't help but wonder what it is I'm becoming...

Resolute in our Resolutions

Where has 2008 gone? It seems just yesterday that Quinn and I were getting pumped up to start a blog as one of our resolutions. We had visions of changing the world with our bi-monthly posts of wisdom. Ironically, I feel the person who has benefited the most from "phil good" has been myself.

In addition to fulfilling my resolution to start and continually contribute to this blog, I succeeded in other goals that I set for myself at the beginning of the year. I failed in many others. With the start of 2009, I must admit I am excited to ponder upon the ways in which I can make much needed improvements in my life. As I was studying resolution making this past week I came across a few principles that I believe will help this year's resolutions make a greater impact on my life. First, the importance of goals. Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don't set goals in our life and learn how to master the techniques of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life.

I am not Elder Ballard, and therefore do not know what principles of goal setting he was referring to, but here are some principles I have come across.

Proverbs 29:18 states "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." By beginning with a vision of the desired outcome, we can begin to form goals that are the stepping stones which lead to a fulfillment of that vision.

By having a clear vision, goals become more than something to give us short-term feelings of accomplishment; they give us purpose and direction in the present. In the past I have failed at goals, not because I gave up or did not put forth effort, but because the goal itself was lacking. I have found that quality goals have certain attributes. Quality goals are:

1. Specific
2. Realistic
3. Challenging
4. Measurable

If the goal is too general, we are unable to focus our efforts. If the goal is unrealistic, giving up becomes an easy rationalization. President Ong taught me that you should achieve your goals 50% of the time. If you accomplish your goals 100% of the time, they are not challenging enough and you could be growing more; less than 50% of the time, the goals may begin to be discouraging. Finally, if our goal is to be more humble, but we have no concept of how to measure it, we are unable to judge how our progress is going.

Although I am not sure what my 2009 resolution list will include, I hope that each of my resolutions encompasses these principles so that my efforts to fulfill them will lead me closer to fulfilling the vision I have for myself.

The Holiday Crescendo

I find it interesting how the Birth of Jesus Christ is celebrated on December 25th. Biblical scholars around the world debate the actual birthday of our Savior, with little agreement except as to the fact that it was not on the 25th of December. Even though the current day set aside to mark the anniversary of the birth of the Messiah is not correlated with the actual event, the timing of the Christmas celebrations seem to have meaning nonetheless.

In my humble opinion, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season. The fourth Thursday in November marks a day when families join together, play football, prepare a feast, eat great food, enjoy company, and most importantly give thanks for the many blessings in their lives. Without the emphasis on giving thanks, Thanksgiving becomes just a day where people gather to eat fancily prepared food. However, with the emphasis on gratitude, people's attitudes shift. By being grateful, people become more aware of their inadequacies, recognize their reliance on others and God, and their attitude becomes more focused on "haves" instead of the "have-nots." As people make effort to count the blessings in their lives, they are often suprised by the sheer number and quality of the tender mercies they find.

As Thanksgiving ends, a more humble people (assuming that thanks was given) moves forward in life with Christmas just around the corner. For Christians and non-Christians alike, the Christmas season leads people to be focused on giving. For some, the giving is of the service type, seeking out those who are in need, and attending to those needs in the best available manner. For others, the giving consists of gifts, whereby people seek to find gifts that are able to somehow express the love they have for the recipient. For many, it's a combination of the two. Regardless of the means of giving, people find a way to look outside themselves and lift the burdens of another; such acts are chalked up to people being overcome with the Spirit of Christmas, which is actually the Spirit of Christ.

Christ came into the world, born in a manger. He was the Son of God, and yet His birth was without fanfare. The Creator of us all, He who stood at the right hand of God, was born in the most humble of circumstances. Those who know very little about the Lamb of God often know of His birth and His death; each event being an epitome of sacrifice. However, as one studies His life, it becomes apparent that His life itself was the essence of sacrifice for loved ones. Through His sacrifice He gave us all the ability to overcome death and sin; the former a free gift given to all, and the latter an opportunity for us all to take, if we so desired. Those who desired would need to develop faith in Christ, repent of their sins (or change from their sinful ways), be baptized by one with authority, receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost and endure to the end.

The humility that accompanies Thanksgiving prepares people for the giving of Christmas. When someone recognizes how much of the good in one's life comes from another, the desire to give and serve others grows. By acting on that desire, one follows in the footsteps of the Savior, bringing about a faith in Christ. That faith leads to repentance or change, which we all strive to accomplish with something known as New Year's resolutions. I find it amazing that over the course of a few months, people, as a whole, begin walking in the path that Christ outlined for us in His gospel. Many people's resolution to change fail them, and goals which were so passionately decided on fall by the wayside. But for those who resolutely move forward their lives become better; they experience to a small degree the joy of the atonement of Christ, as they change their nature and fulfill more of their God given potential.

So although Christ's birth occurred on April 6th, the sandwiching of Christmas between Thanksgiving and the New Year's allows for a perfect holiday crescendo, which will hopefully carry us upward as we continue our journey into 2009.