It seems like I only gave birth yesterday. It seems like we only just brought Jordan home yesterday. It seems like I barely just fed him. It seems we barely just changed him. Oh wait - that last part is true - we did just barely feed and change him. ... hAHAH!
Time doesn't mean much these days, just another continuum of measurement that I'm unable to grasp. The weekend feels just like the weekday. The nights feel just like the days when the day is overcast. With Andy working from home most days on his research rotation and our nights and days still blurred by objective but defined more by the sun peeking in from outside, I can't seem to figure out when I am supposed to be doing what besides feeding and changing Jordan, and trying to snap some photos here and there (which I suck at by the way!).
I've wanted to clean the toilet, clear the dishes, fold the laundry and vacuum the floor but I've only been able to do tidbits of any of these while acknowledging I do desire some sleep. I've never had an inkling for sleep the way I do now, but at times, I do still find myself online, browsing facebook or blogs - doing nothing meaningful after a feeding, except wasting valuable sleep time.
During the day, I try to get at least one nap in, and upon successfully doing so, I am helping my BFF plan her engagement party, scouring ideas for birth announcements, trying to surpass the halfway point and finish a 560 page biography of Gordon B. Hinckley (one of the former prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), attempting to get Jordan added to my insurance plan (what a nightmare!), doing my daily scripture study, trying to take care of my birth wounds, budgeting our monthly expenses, reading more about baby care through my plethora of newsletters and still trying to learn how to sew (there are only so many youtube videos I can watch).
Jordan, on the other hand, is sleeping, eating, peeing and pooping and getting more adjusted to being outside of the womb everyday (though he still loves a good swaddle). He grunts when he's pooping as he sleeps and the grunts have become increasingly more emphatic with zest! He has managed to pee while we change his diaper on average of 2 times per day, but his poop missiles have stayed constant totaling about 4 times (one of which I believe hit my face - imagine raising his legs and tilting his butt too high so that when the poop comes flying out, it hits your face which is not that far away observing this phenomenon). On occasion, he poops right after we change him, but who can blame him as pooping in a clean diaper trumps pooping in an already dirty one.
While grubbing, Jordan likes to do a number of things with his tiny mobile hands. Sometimes, he crosses them into each other as if contemplating the taste of his food. Other times, he has a loose fist by his ears as if to drone out the sound of anyone interrupting his feeding time. And of course, there is the sprawled out hand that is relaxed and when I put my finger underneath it, he will grab on, as if recognizing that I am his source of food and he does not want me leaving him. His eyes are still mostly closed during feedings but lately, he has been unlatching himself (instead of falling asleep) and pushing his head back , eyes closed and lips smacking as if to declare, "I'm wiped!" before he drifts off into baby dreamville. His feet haven't grown much but were quite large to begin with and he likes to kick his way out of a swaddle and cross his legs while eating.
He is also taller than before! When sitting in his carseat now, his head reaches the headrest where he once needed a supplemental blanket to pad. His cheeks are also puffier than before and he's starting to fill out his 0-3 month clothes a lot better than before (he was sporting the off the shoulder look prior to lately because the clothes were mostly all too big).
Photos to come...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Dixie Cups... Pee Tents?
It's common knowledge that little baby boys often will instinctively pee if their pee pee has been exposed to the open air for too long. It is one of those things all mothers of little baby boys can relate to.
Our son's first experience was immediately upon exiting the womb and into the cold air of the hospital room. Tucked away on the cleaning table with the kind nurse, he greeted her with his pee. We laughed at the immediate reality of the pee pee.
Our first experience with pee pee in the air was just as memorable. Jordan had just gotten circumcised and the nurse instructed us to leave on the gauze which was wrapped around and some additional disposable wash clothes that she had slathered with A&D ointment and put as a barrier between his pee pee and the diaper for 24 hours. We could change the wash clothes with new ones when we changed him but we should attempt to keep the gauze as clean as possible.
After our first night with Jordan, his bilirubin levels were high and therefore, Jordan was deemed a jaundice baby. For the other night and time we were at the hospital, he was kept at the nursery under the UV lights and only brought to us for feedings. And because of that, we did not change him more than the couple of times from our first night with him.
Fast forward to a couple of hours before discharge. Jordan was with us because his jaundice bilirubin levels had decreased and since we heard and smelled him pooping, we thought we'd change him before his ride home.
Upon opening his diaper, the gauze that was supposed to stay on for 24 hours slipped off, and his diaper was oozing with mustardy poop. The smell did not faze us, but the immediate fear of what to do about the gauze that was off his healing wound immediately sent us into a frenzy as Jordan cried and cried and eventually was wailing as loud as he did when he first came out of my stomach. What do we do?! We were not prepared for this! The gauze was supposed to stay on!
Before we could think of a solution, Andy screamed, "he's peeing!" and out came a small trickle of pee up that was small but strong. So strong, that it hit Jordan in the face, and his eyes shut as his wailing continued but somehow more voluminous than prior. We quickly called the nurse, pleading her to come assist us asap and we attempted to assist her before she politely asked if she could just take care of it herself. We tried to tell Jordan it would be okay and watched attentively as the nurse put a new gauze on his pee pee and finished cleaning him up. On the bright side, we were now prepared in the situation that his gauze came off again before 9 AM the next day. The nurse gave us an extra gauze for this purpose. Too bad we didn't think of asking for more than one. Amateurs.
That first night home, we did our best to keep his gauze clean from poop. I can't lie - there was definite trepidation with each opening of the diaper during every single diaper change that night. Behind the walls of his cushioned diaper was the possibility of a gauze slipping off and us faced with putting on a new one as he cried in pain. We both noted he was more fussy than normal, but then concluded, what did we know since he hadn't been with us since the first night?
At 6 AM the next morning, Andy was off to work and I was faced with a diaper change and a feeding on my own for the first time. Only 3 more hours until the gauze could come off and I could stop worrying. As Andy said good-bye and shut the door behind him, I was standing at the diaper changing table about to open his diaper. At the precise moment when Andy shut the door, the gauze came off and I was faced with a repeat of the day before, only this time - no nurse and no Andy. I found the gauze and unwrapped it as quickly as I could and immediately noticed it was to be unfolded before I could wrap it around him. As I tried to do this and maneuver his legs out of the way, he cried and all of a sudden, he was pooping. Pooping! I had already cleaned him up and put a new diaper underneath him and instead of waiting for him to finish, I quickly moved the now stained diaper out of the way, to find he was still pooping! The diaper changing table is only so big, so now covered with baby, basket of diapers, ointment, cotton towelettes and wipes, soiled diapers and a screaming baby, space was running out quickly! Then, to make matters worse, the time with his pee pee out in the open had now been longer than normal and out came his trickle of pee all over his stomach (at least not his eyes) and I also noticed that he had not only continued to poop while I was trying to change his gauze and diaper, but his poop now covered his clothes as well.
Through the poop that kept coming, the eventual four soiled diapers piled around his diaper changing pad and now dirty outfit he was wearing and towel that we had laid over the diaper changing table, all I could do was remind myself that there is no commandment that I cannot do if given to me by the Lord, and as I repeated this scripture from 1Nephi3:7 to myself over and over and pleaded for help.
I did somehow make it through. The gauze got wrapped around. The diaper got changed. The baby got changed. And my mind whirled about whether we should try those dixie cups or pee tents that I had heard so much about.
I retreated to bed after feeding him and the rest of the morning was surprisingly uneventful compared to the morning and around 11, I received a text from Andy that he was coming home after lunch (his attendee told him to take off since he had just had a baby, how nice!). We later googled (you know you do it too!) what was the proper solution for baby boys peeing while getting diaper changed and the obvious and overwhelming response was - get quicker at it.
And so we have been working on our speed. We still get peed on but we don't fear it as much as we did and without the circumcision gauze to taunt us, it's just a bit of pee that we can wipe off easily. We will continue to get quicker and hopefully before his trickle turns into a geyser.
Our son's first experience was immediately upon exiting the womb and into the cold air of the hospital room. Tucked away on the cleaning table with the kind nurse, he greeted her with his pee. We laughed at the immediate reality of the pee pee.
Our first experience with pee pee in the air was just as memorable. Jordan had just gotten circumcised and the nurse instructed us to leave on the gauze which was wrapped around and some additional disposable wash clothes that she had slathered with A&D ointment and put as a barrier between his pee pee and the diaper for 24 hours. We could change the wash clothes with new ones when we changed him but we should attempt to keep the gauze as clean as possible.
After our first night with Jordan, his bilirubin levels were high and therefore, Jordan was deemed a jaundice baby. For the other night and time we were at the hospital, he was kept at the nursery under the UV lights and only brought to us for feedings. And because of that, we did not change him more than the couple of times from our first night with him.
Fast forward to a couple of hours before discharge. Jordan was with us because his jaundice bilirubin levels had decreased and since we heard and smelled him pooping, we thought we'd change him before his ride home.
Upon opening his diaper, the gauze that was supposed to stay on for 24 hours slipped off, and his diaper was oozing with mustardy poop. The smell did not faze us, but the immediate fear of what to do about the gauze that was off his healing wound immediately sent us into a frenzy as Jordan cried and cried and eventually was wailing as loud as he did when he first came out of my stomach. What do we do?! We were not prepared for this! The gauze was supposed to stay on!
Before we could think of a solution, Andy screamed, "he's peeing!" and out came a small trickle of pee up that was small but strong. So strong, that it hit Jordan in the face, and his eyes shut as his wailing continued but somehow more voluminous than prior. We quickly called the nurse, pleading her to come assist us asap and we attempted to assist her before she politely asked if she could just take care of it herself. We tried to tell Jordan it would be okay and watched attentively as the nurse put a new gauze on his pee pee and finished cleaning him up. On the bright side, we were now prepared in the situation that his gauze came off again before 9 AM the next day. The nurse gave us an extra gauze for this purpose. Too bad we didn't think of asking for more than one. Amateurs.
That first night home, we did our best to keep his gauze clean from poop. I can't lie - there was definite trepidation with each opening of the diaper during every single diaper change that night. Behind the walls of his cushioned diaper was the possibility of a gauze slipping off and us faced with putting on a new one as he cried in pain. We both noted he was more fussy than normal, but then concluded, what did we know since he hadn't been with us since the first night?
At 6 AM the next morning, Andy was off to work and I was faced with a diaper change and a feeding on my own for the first time. Only 3 more hours until the gauze could come off and I could stop worrying. As Andy said good-bye and shut the door behind him, I was standing at the diaper changing table about to open his diaper. At the precise moment when Andy shut the door, the gauze came off and I was faced with a repeat of the day before, only this time - no nurse and no Andy. I found the gauze and unwrapped it as quickly as I could and immediately noticed it was to be unfolded before I could wrap it around him. As I tried to do this and maneuver his legs out of the way, he cried and all of a sudden, he was pooping. Pooping! I had already cleaned him up and put a new diaper underneath him and instead of waiting for him to finish, I quickly moved the now stained diaper out of the way, to find he was still pooping! The diaper changing table is only so big, so now covered with baby, basket of diapers, ointment, cotton towelettes and wipes, soiled diapers and a screaming baby, space was running out quickly! Then, to make matters worse, the time with his pee pee out in the open had now been longer than normal and out came his trickle of pee all over his stomach (at least not his eyes) and I also noticed that he had not only continued to poop while I was trying to change his gauze and diaper, but his poop now covered his clothes as well.
Through the poop that kept coming, the eventual four soiled diapers piled around his diaper changing pad and now dirty outfit he was wearing and towel that we had laid over the diaper changing table, all I could do was remind myself that there is no commandment that I cannot do if given to me by the Lord, and as I repeated this scripture from 1Nephi3:7 to myself over and over and pleaded for help.
I did somehow make it through. The gauze got wrapped around. The diaper got changed. The baby got changed. And my mind whirled about whether we should try those dixie cups or pee tents that I had heard so much about.
I retreated to bed after feeding him and the rest of the morning was surprisingly uneventful compared to the morning and around 11, I received a text from Andy that he was coming home after lunch (his attendee told him to take off since he had just had a baby, how nice!). We later googled (you know you do it too!) what was the proper solution for baby boys peeing while getting diaper changed and the obvious and overwhelming response was - get quicker at it.
And so we have been working on our speed. We still get peed on but we don't fear it as much as we did and without the circumcision gauze to taunt us, it's just a bit of pee that we can wipe off easily. We will continue to get quicker and hopefully before his trickle turns into a geyser.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How's It Feel to Be Parents?
The nights are the hardest. Between falling in and out of sleep with Jordan still feeding, the minutes have lapsed into dreamlike moments of flashbacks and a muddle between reality and the sleep we both yearn for. On multiple occasions, Andy and I have both awakened with a startled jolt, flipping through the bedsheets wondering if we've suffocated Jordan on the bed from falling asleep while holding him then dropping him between the ruffle of blankets. Luckily, each frightening flip out moment has been a mere lapse of judgment between being awake and asleep and in actuality, he is safely sleeping in his pack n play every time.
We forget that we've put him down. We forget how many minutes he's been feeding. We forget how long it's been since we last slept through the night.
We are quicker at changing his diaper and he is not as unhappy when we do. Daddy has figured out that talking him through the process helps to calm him. The pee pee into the air moments have decreased in occurrence. The poo poo missiles have only appeared twice. The changing pad cover has been shielded from poop overflow with different towels (we have gone through about five in nine days) and I intend to make some more diaper changing pad covers with the leftover blue minky when time permits (not for a while).
Morning comes. The sun peeks through our curtains. We are able to fully enjoy his company void of the sleep deprivation we feel nightly. We can stare at him for hours, still in shock that we brought this sweet spirit into the world. We wonder if he sees us when his eyes are open and looking out into the world in front of him. We talk to him. We sing to him. We tell him we love him. We shower him with kisses but all he wants are the boobs. We rock him to sleep. We swaddle him to safety. We love him with all our might.
It feels pretty dang good. They weren't lying when they said the love you feel is priceless, intangible by words, and endlessly overflowing. They weren't lying when they said you can better grasp the love Heavenly Father has for you as infinity beyond what you feel for your own children.
We are learning everyday. We are trying everyday. We are getting a bit better everyday. We are stumbling everyday. We are grateful everyday. We are doing our best everyday. We are parents and it feels... pretty dang good.
We forget that we've put him down. We forget how many minutes he's been feeding. We forget how long it's been since we last slept through the night.
We are quicker at changing his diaper and he is not as unhappy when we do. Daddy has figured out that talking him through the process helps to calm him. The pee pee into the air moments have decreased in occurrence. The poo poo missiles have only appeared twice. The changing pad cover has been shielded from poop overflow with different towels (we have gone through about five in nine days) and I intend to make some more diaper changing pad covers with the leftover blue minky when time permits (not for a while).
Morning comes. The sun peeks through our curtains. We are able to fully enjoy his company void of the sleep deprivation we feel nightly. We can stare at him for hours, still in shock that we brought this sweet spirit into the world. We wonder if he sees us when his eyes are open and looking out into the world in front of him. We talk to him. We sing to him. We tell him we love him. We shower him with kisses but all he wants are the boobs. We rock him to sleep. We swaddle him to safety. We love him with all our might.
It feels pretty dang good. They weren't lying when they said the love you feel is priceless, intangible by words, and endlessly overflowing. They weren't lying when they said you can better grasp the love Heavenly Father has for you as infinity beyond what you feel for your own children.
We are learning everyday. We are trying everyday. We are getting a bit better everyday. We are stumbling everyday. We are grateful everyday. We are doing our best everyday. We are parents and it feels... pretty dang good.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Mums In Me Life
I don't think I ever truly valued or respected the role of motherhood as much as I do now, having recently joined the club. I always knew mothers were important, mothers were crucial in influencing and teaching correct principles, nurturing and loving us, but I can truthfully say, after giving birth to a lil one of my own... the love that you feel, the sacrifice that you make, it is just way more than you ever imagined it would be.
As I recover and am in my postpartum state of being, I have been able to receive even more love and service from the mums in my life on a daily basis.
Beginning with...
my own mum.
She's been swamped with work lately, but despite her load of meetings, clients, and houses to sell, she was at the hospital quickly after my delivery (they came while I was in labor but then left and came back) and quickly devoted her time to cooking all those Chinese healing foods that I needed. She brought me fish soup (a Chinese thing for immediate recovery the day of labor), black chicken with spices (another Chinese herbal thing to assist with a speedy recovery), grapes (to help you bleed less) and fried rice the first day Andy and I were back home. She has called me everyday to ask what other food I might need next and has been coming by every 2 days to replenish my Chinese food and fruit supply. Sometimes, she overwhelms me with the list of requirements I must adhere to during my one month of recovery (another Chinese tradition) but she means well and loves me and Jordan and only wants what's best and I admire her persistence and patience with me.
my mum in law.
She flew down to help us out this week since Andy still had a big test on Friday and baby feedings are every 2-3 hours for 24 hours. I'm not sure what we would have done without her! She was with me through many nights, as I tried to figure out this whole feeding thing, she helped feed him with the supplement formula, helped me with laundry, dishes, and had a magic touch to help put Jordan to sleep way quicker than Andy or I could. She's also cooked some wonderful meals for us, helped me finish my carseat cover, and made my breastfeeding cover (all these things that were not completed since Jordan came early and all easy-peasy for an expert like her). I love hearing her stories about Andy as a kid and I know she raised a wonderful young man (no, Andy doesn't have any brothers - haha) so I aim to learn from her continually.
my cousin's mum and my gu-ma (dad's sister).
She is an amazing cook. And all night Sunday, she stayed up to cook me a special healing soup (which was actually very delicious!) with some type of chicken liver and ginger - it sounds gross but it was really good and sweet of her to devote all her time Sunday (she had work Monday) to ensure my healing soup was complete.
my other cousins' mum and my yi-ma (mum's sister).
She came to see me in the hospital and then cooked Andy and me dinner, taught us how to swaddle our baby with a stocking (much better though more ghetto), continues to check up on me everyday and sent us loads of swaddle blankets, washclothes and baby towel/robes after noticing we did not have many. A former nurse, my yi-ma quickly taught us a lot about what makes baby happy (he likes being swaddled and held upright when awake) to calm a very unhappy baby when she first met him (he was just crying and crying and crying... and was fed and clean.. so we were so confused).
my nieces' mum (my sister-in-law)
I call Tammy all the time. She is probably wondering why I'm calling again, but I feel completely comfortable asking her for advice on anything and everything. She is a wonderful mum to two beautiful, polite, creative, and wonderful girls and I am always taking notes on how to be as amazing of a mom as her. She is also always looking out for me, telling me when I need to calm down, stop reading all this baby info, and reassures me that everything will be alright when I am clearly freaking out. I can't wait for her to come and meet Jordon the weekend of Memorial Day!
Mums are amazing and the mums in me life are even more so. What mums in your life are you thinking of today? Mums out there - you are all extraordinary beings and motherhood is truly insane, challenging, hard, and rewarding. I hope you all realize how truly exceptional you are on this special day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mums!
As I recover and am in my postpartum state of being, I have been able to receive even more love and service from the mums in my life on a daily basis.
Beginning with...
my own mum.
She's been swamped with work lately, but despite her load of meetings, clients, and houses to sell, she was at the hospital quickly after my delivery (they came while I was in labor but then left and came back) and quickly devoted her time to cooking all those Chinese healing foods that I needed. She brought me fish soup (a Chinese thing for immediate recovery the day of labor), black chicken with spices (another Chinese herbal thing to assist with a speedy recovery), grapes (to help you bleed less) and fried rice the first day Andy and I were back home. She has called me everyday to ask what other food I might need next and has been coming by every 2 days to replenish my Chinese food and fruit supply. Sometimes, she overwhelms me with the list of requirements I must adhere to during my one month of recovery (another Chinese tradition) but she means well and loves me and Jordan and only wants what's best and I admire her persistence and patience with me.
my mum in law.
She flew down to help us out this week since Andy still had a big test on Friday and baby feedings are every 2-3 hours for 24 hours. I'm not sure what we would have done without her! She was with me through many nights, as I tried to figure out this whole feeding thing, she helped feed him with the supplement formula, helped me with laundry, dishes, and had a magic touch to help put Jordan to sleep way quicker than Andy or I could. She's also cooked some wonderful meals for us, helped me finish my carseat cover, and made my breastfeeding cover (all these things that were not completed since Jordan came early and all easy-peasy for an expert like her). I love hearing her stories about Andy as a kid and I know she raised a wonderful young man (no, Andy doesn't have any brothers - haha) so I aim to learn from her continually.
my cousin's mum and my gu-ma (dad's sister).
She is an amazing cook. And all night Sunday, she stayed up to cook me a special healing soup (which was actually very delicious!) with some type of chicken liver and ginger - it sounds gross but it was really good and sweet of her to devote all her time Sunday (she had work Monday) to ensure my healing soup was complete.
my other cousins' mum and my yi-ma (mum's sister).
She came to see me in the hospital and then cooked Andy and me dinner, taught us how to swaddle our baby with a stocking (much better though more ghetto), continues to check up on me everyday and sent us loads of swaddle blankets, washclothes and baby towel/robes after noticing we did not have many. A former nurse, my yi-ma quickly taught us a lot about what makes baby happy (he likes being swaddled and held upright when awake) to calm a very unhappy baby when she first met him (he was just crying and crying and crying... and was fed and clean.. so we were so confused).my nieces' mum (my sister-in-law)
I call Tammy all the time. She is probably wondering why I'm calling again, but I feel completely comfortable asking her for advice on anything and everything. She is a wonderful mum to two beautiful, polite, creative, and wonderful girls and I am always taking notes on how to be as amazing of a mom as her. She is also always looking out for me, telling me when I need to calm down, stop reading all this baby info, and reassures me that everything will be alright when I am clearly freaking out. I can't wait for her to come and meet Jordon the weekend of Memorial Day!Mums are amazing and the mums in me life are even more so. What mums in your life are you thinking of today? Mums out there - you are all extraordinary beings and motherhood is truly insane, challenging, hard, and rewarding. I hope you all realize how truly exceptional you are on this special day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mums!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Remember the MySpace Days?
When I used to have a myspace, when I used to be cool, when I used to waste a lot of time online (wait.. has that changed really?), when I used to be younger, when I used to love broadcasting my life online, this is what I would do.
Make slideshows of my outings, sometimes I'd even put captions.
Given the fatigue and nap I'm about to take, I opted out of the latter. Enjoy the bit of photos below. Yay!
Make slideshows of my outings, sometimes I'd even put captions.
Given the fatigue and nap I'm about to take, I opted out of the latter. Enjoy the bit of photos below. Yay!
Motherhood is to Audit as.....
Motherhood ....It's not what I expected- of course it's only been a few five days, but so far it's hard, but not that hard, but wait - it's still definitely hard! So what I mean is.... well, err..... umm..
Don't get me wrong, my nipples are destroyed, I'm seriously sleep deprived, I am still healing down under, and I feel the void of human interaction that once came with my job and the freedom of maternity leave (and am so grateful I at least still have Andy and my mother in law here to talk with!) but the real reason I feel less intimidated is really because, sadly, when compared to audit, it ain't so bad (sorry to any potential auditors out there!).
Like we say in audit, the light is at the end of the tunnel - his feedings will become less, the diaper changing is easier every time I do another, and his smiles will become real (not just random sneaks I get that are meaningless for a few more weeks). Yes, it does suck to consistently sleep and get up and sleep and get up - just like an audit that goes longer than expected and you leave at 3 or 4 AM and then back to work at 8 AM (don't forget the long drive and loneliness once home, having to shower, sleep and wait-realizing you have not much time to sleep before you get up and do it all over again - ugh). It's a bit like getting up every 3 hours to feed Jordan. The difference is - my job as an auditor was never as rewarding as it is to see Jordan's little face light up when he is getting fed (the few times his eyes are open). Though I was never hormonal while auditing, only one client, to this day, has made me cry (but it was brief and he was a big dumb jerk!). Meanwhile, the daunting task of motherhood, if I'm getting it right, why I can't seem to calm him but my aunt and mother in law quickly can, the frustration of not being able to appease him combined with the fatigue and self imposed pressure to continue checking things off my list of "to-do's" has made me break down a few times, unsure why I'm crying except that sometimes it just feels good to let it out.
I guess the audit job was never as emotionally uplifting or challenging as the mom one. I guess there is truth to the fact that challenges faced not only build character but are so much more meaningful when overcome (not that I have overcome any of it so far). I guess my time in audit was actually helpful to my role as a mom now. I guess the time auditing was not an ultimate waste!
A co-worker told me being a mom is ten times more difficult than being an auditor. But I didn't trust his opinion, because what do men know about motherhood? jk...hahaha.. well, he was right and I'd agree. But the mom part is so much neater than a good review, at least so far it has been. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Who knows what the next feeding may bring? Guess 2 more hours will determine that.
Bundle of joy. Nipple annihilator. Cutie patootie. Poop specialist. Apple of my eye. Monster eater. My son.
More pics to come.. dunno where they are stored on the comp and I needs must sleep!
Don't get me wrong, my nipples are destroyed, I'm seriously sleep deprived, I am still healing down under, and I feel the void of human interaction that once came with my job and the freedom of maternity leave (and am so grateful I at least still have Andy and my mother in law here to talk with!) but the real reason I feel less intimidated is really because, sadly, when compared to audit, it ain't so bad (sorry to any potential auditors out there!).
Like we say in audit, the light is at the end of the tunnel - his feedings will become less, the diaper changing is easier every time I do another, and his smiles will become real (not just random sneaks I get that are meaningless for a few more weeks). Yes, it does suck to consistently sleep and get up and sleep and get up - just like an audit that goes longer than expected and you leave at 3 or 4 AM and then back to work at 8 AM (don't forget the long drive and loneliness once home, having to shower, sleep and wait-realizing you have not much time to sleep before you get up and do it all over again - ugh). It's a bit like getting up every 3 hours to feed Jordan. The difference is - my job as an auditor was never as rewarding as it is to see Jordan's little face light up when he is getting fed (the few times his eyes are open). Though I was never hormonal while auditing, only one client, to this day, has made me cry (but it was brief and he was a big dumb jerk!). Meanwhile, the daunting task of motherhood, if I'm getting it right, why I can't seem to calm him but my aunt and mother in law quickly can, the frustration of not being able to appease him combined with the fatigue and self imposed pressure to continue checking things off my list of "to-do's" has made me break down a few times, unsure why I'm crying except that sometimes it just feels good to let it out.
I guess the audit job was never as emotionally uplifting or challenging as the mom one. I guess there is truth to the fact that challenges faced not only build character but are so much more meaningful when overcome (not that I have overcome any of it so far). I guess my time in audit was actually helpful to my role as a mom now. I guess the time auditing was not an ultimate waste!
A co-worker told me being a mom is ten times more difficult than being an auditor. But I didn't trust his opinion, because what do men know about motherhood? jk...hahaha.. well, he was right and I'd agree. But the mom part is so much neater than a good review, at least so far it has been. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Who knows what the next feeding may bring? Guess 2 more hours will determine that.
Bundle of joy. Nipple annihilator. Cutie patootie. Poop specialist. Apple of my eye. Monster eater. My son.
More pics to come.. dunno where they are stored on the comp and I needs must sleep!
Monday, May 2, 2011
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