Lately, I've been worried whether my doctor gave me an accurate date or not. In the beginning, she would make comments about how changing the date would only be a few days here or there, so let's just stick with May 15th. However, had I know then what I know now, I would have inquired, is it a couple of days earlier?.. and if so, can we change it?! You see, maternity leave takes effect immediately after the baby is delivered and the month prior to the due date only counts until the baby comes.
So even though I only have five more days of work left, if the baby comes early, not only will I be jipped, I might not have time to finish all I have left to do! But so is the case with life.. which is why I hate procrastinating and usually aim to be ahead of the game. However, given the amount of work that has surfaced onto my plate, it seems any effort I should have made, would have been thwarted.
It makes me think about life and how we can never really plan. Plans are good, being organized is great, checklists make me excited, and that's the point of a goal right? However, should things get in the way of our plans, if something should scatter the set order, if checklists end up being scribbled and not checked off, and if a goal is not met... we have to just rethink it, right?!
And then there are things we can make a routine part of our life and plan around it instead of changing those plans. Simple and small things like prayer, scripture study and being nice.
Being nice? Yes - being nice! Smiling at a random stranger as you make your way into work, offering to help whenever possible, holding the elevator door open when you hear someone fumbling to get in (knowing it's just an additional 10 seconds you'd be waiting), saying "thank you" or "excuse me" or "bless you," saying "good bye and have a nice night!" or "good morning" to the elevator man who checks your badge when you walk in and out of the work elevators, being patient when the post office line is long and someone with a large package is confused, not getting flustered and maintaining your cool while saying "it's okay" when the sandwich girl messes up your order and you're asked to repeat it two more times, and nicely correcting someone when they mispronounce your name, and even being kind to the outsourced Indian folks who can't seem to understand your problem as they scour their manuals to figure out how to respond.
These are but small things that can make or break your day.... if you choose to let it. Don't be a pushover, just be nice about it. There's a nice way to give meaningful and timely feedback to help, and then there's the way that is smeared with negativity and annoyance. It's often hard to choose the former, but why not try it first.
At least that is what I have been thinking about as of late. I can't control what sort of stuff gets thrown my way... I can't control who irritates me or how quickly my hormones react to someone in a short period of time on the inside, but I can choose how I am responding on the outside - hormones and everything! I can choose to smile instead of grimace... to laugh instead of an eye roll, to be uplifting and positive - in light of all the things I have not done, have yet to do and might not be able to do....
And then - of course, the prayer and scripture study comes in handy as my ultimate shield with my positive attitude as my light saber.
Five more days left of work!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
I'll Say a Little Prayer for You...
Please say a lil prayer for me... I will need it this week!
2 more weeks until I'm off on maternity leave
93 steps I went up this morning before I lost count trying to focus on my breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth
4 times I got up in the middle of the night to pee
1 quality review that will most likely kill me this week
121 jobs to sort through in my team's portfolio before I leave
9 open staffing needs that are impossible
117 people on my team to service
5 pairs of shoes in my cabinet that are all too stuffy for my swollen feet now
But who's counting? Power of prayer will help me through. That I do count on.
2 more weeks until I'm off on maternity leave
93 steps I went up this morning before I lost count trying to focus on my breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth
4 times I got up in the middle of the night to pee
1 quality review that will most likely kill me this week
121 jobs to sort through in my team's portfolio before I leave
9 open staffing needs that are impossible
117 people on my team to service
5 pairs of shoes in my cabinet that are all too stuffy for my swollen feet now
But who's counting? Power of prayer will help me through. That I do count on.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What's It Like?
I always ask Andy what it was like growing up in the Church. I wonder if he was distracted during Sacrament meeting. I wonder if he was disruptive during Sunday School in primary. I wonder how he felt during his baptism or if he even remembers it. I wonder if he volunteered for the prayers at home. I wonder what he felt like when he got to pass the Sacrament for the first time. And since our semi-annual Church Conference that is 2 hours in the AM and PM of both Saturday and Sunday were of interest to him as an adult, I wonder if growing up, he sat obediently and watched all two hours, if he was off playing with some toys, causing trouble, or if he slept through it all.
I guess that's part of the wondering I have often because I didn't grow up in the Church. I always wonder how it would have been to grow up in the Church. Would I have been able to sit quietly for an entire hour and ten minutes of Sacrament meeting? Would I have been able to say a prayer for the family? Would I have been able to understand who Jesus Christ is? Would I have appreciated going to Church in my teenage years? Would I have enjoyed the young women's program?
In many ways, it makes me feel very unprepared. I don't know any of the children's primary songs. I barely just learned the names of each primary group (they sort it by age) and how will I relate to my kids when they are going through the church programs as they grow up?...
In other ways, it is very exciting to me. True, I know very little about how all the church auxiliaries work, but they get to have that knowledge so much sooner than I had it. They get to be born in the covenant - and whether or not they choose to accept the gospel in their lives is still up to them. All we can do as parents is guide them and encourage them - share with them our testimonies until they gain their own and help them to do good things as to invite the Spirit into their lives. I sometimes wish I had found the gospel as a kid, but I know there is a time and place for everything and maybe I wasn't ready for it - or maybe it had to happen this way. Whatever the case, my children will have what I did not have and that is comforting to me.
I do know one thing.. the understanding of who Jesus Christ is, the Atonement and the restored gospel will make a good person better and a bad person good... so really, no matter what my kids are like - what my soon to be here kid will be like - he will be better off having been taught these things and having the opportunity to choose for himself.
I guess that's part of the wondering I have often because I didn't grow up in the Church. I always wonder how it would have been to grow up in the Church. Would I have been able to sit quietly for an entire hour and ten minutes of Sacrament meeting? Would I have been able to say a prayer for the family? Would I have been able to understand who Jesus Christ is? Would I have appreciated going to Church in my teenage years? Would I have enjoyed the young women's program?
In many ways, it makes me feel very unprepared. I don't know any of the children's primary songs. I barely just learned the names of each primary group (they sort it by age) and how will I relate to my kids when they are going through the church programs as they grow up?...
In other ways, it is very exciting to me. True, I know very little about how all the church auxiliaries work, but they get to have that knowledge so much sooner than I had it. They get to be born in the covenant - and whether or not they choose to accept the gospel in their lives is still up to them. All we can do as parents is guide them and encourage them - share with them our testimonies until they gain their own and help them to do good things as to invite the Spirit into their lives. I sometimes wish I had found the gospel as a kid, but I know there is a time and place for everything and maybe I wasn't ready for it - or maybe it had to happen this way. Whatever the case, my children will have what I did not have and that is comforting to me.
I do know one thing.. the understanding of who Jesus Christ is, the Atonement and the restored gospel will make a good person better and a bad person good... so really, no matter what my kids are like - what my soon to be here kid will be like - he will be better off having been taught these things and having the opportunity to choose for himself.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
It's Never Too Late!
My daily newsletters kindly informed me that I might get carpal tunnel syndrome - temporarily of course, but due to the hormone infusion in my body from the baby. Of course, I thought I was so lucky not to have any such symptoms. My daily newsletters also kindly informed me of swollen feet, another temporary symptom that I was lucky to not have encountered.
Alas, it's never too late. Just like it's never too late to repent, just like it's never too late to pick up a new hobby, just like it's never too late to eat something foreign to you, just like it's never too late to change... it's also never too late for those pregnancy hormones to kick in!
At lunch yesterday, I could barely hold my fork with my right hand. In fact, it was sore just holding it - as if I had worked out my hand (is that possible?!), then it was just sore, and then, it was tingly when I woke up. Having a hypochondriac for a husband medical student, I can attest to the fact that tingly in the hands is not a good thing.
At work lately, my poor feet have been struggling to fit into my work shoes. When I started with the Firm, the strict dress code was no open toed shoes, however, with time, the code has relaxed a bit and luckily, this means a little bit of breathing room for my feet - or as much as a peep toed shoe can offer. However, my toes have not simply swollen, the entire foot has and thus even this tiny hole provides no comfort for my feet to breathe. Add to that the 100+ steps of Angel's Flight I walk up and down everyday to get to my office equals a very unhappy, huffing and puffing, pregnant me.
But I'm outside of my body. As painful as it is becoming, I am striving to make it to the due date because I selfishly want all of my paid time off from the state of California and the Firm. My body is a temple that is baking a baby and the change in my body is a constant reminder that it's indeed never too late - never too late to do good, never too late to change for the better, never too late to start feeling way prego. Yikes!
Alas, it's never too late. Just like it's never too late to repent, just like it's never too late to pick up a new hobby, just like it's never too late to eat something foreign to you, just like it's never too late to change... it's also never too late for those pregnancy hormones to kick in!
At lunch yesterday, I could barely hold my fork with my right hand. In fact, it was sore just holding it - as if I had worked out my hand (is that possible?!), then it was just sore, and then, it was tingly when I woke up. Having a hypochondriac for a husband medical student, I can attest to the fact that tingly in the hands is not a good thing.
At work lately, my poor feet have been struggling to fit into my work shoes. When I started with the Firm, the strict dress code was no open toed shoes, however, with time, the code has relaxed a bit and luckily, this means a little bit of breathing room for my feet - or as much as a peep toed shoe can offer. However, my toes have not simply swollen, the entire foot has and thus even this tiny hole provides no comfort for my feet to breathe. Add to that the 100+ steps of Angel's Flight I walk up and down everyday to get to my office equals a very unhappy, huffing and puffing, pregnant me.
But I'm outside of my body. As painful as it is becoming, I am striving to make it to the due date because I selfishly want all of my paid time off from the state of California and the Firm. My body is a temple that is baking a baby and the change in my body is a constant reminder that it's indeed never too late - never too late to do good, never too late to change for the better, never too late to start feeling way prego. Yikes!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Baby Photos
My brother's taking me to lunch but he's not here yet and I'm too hungry and pregnant to focus on work, so I've begun my lunch break already.
Do you think the baby will look like me....?
or Andy?
I hope our baby looks like Andy cuz he was so cute! I'd rather have our daughter look like me...
Do you think the baby will look like me....?
or Andy?
I hope our baby looks like Andy cuz he was so cute! I'd rather have our daughter look like me...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Life's Tough as a Party Girl But Someone's Gotta Do It!
Two parties in just one weekend and though I was only hostess to one, I am only halfway through my thank you cards since the first party was for me, but relaxing after a well done team effort to clean up after the second party with the husband. Life's tough as a party girl but someone's gotta do it! I'll gladly be that someone.
Party number one was a baby shower thrown for me by two girls I met through Church. Now, when Andy and I first started going to the new "married" people Church that we were reassigned to (in our Church, when single from 18 - 31, you are assigned to a "Singles Ward" and ward is just another word to designate between the different demographic or language split ups for when we meet at Church), never would I have imagined nine months later, I would actually have friends to throw me a baby shower! Nor would I have imagined having more than 5 people show up because let's face it, it's hard to make friends! Add to that the fact that everyone seems to already know each other and I'm not a dental school wife (huge contingency of dental students at our married people Church) and I can come across as shy/mean/witchy/ snobby when you first meet me (been told by many at work)...
Miraculously, with a little bit of prayer, and a lot of blog stalking (on my part), I not only began to feel comfortable in our new ward, I also began to realize why our Church is set up with structure the way it is and that part of the problem was me and my lack of action to meet and make friends. You see.. one can only enjoy blog stalking for so long- one needs friends in real life too. One can continue going to Church alone (Andy had a lot of calls), feel the Spirit, understand dedicated attendance at church meetings are important, sprint out of Church immediately when it ends so many times before one feels lonely and in need of company. A lot of ex-Mormons poke fun about our Church's monthly home and visiting teaching program* and how we may all grief over getting it done the last weekend of the month. They make it sound like it's useless but we do it because we follow blindly. Too bad they can't realize the beauty of the organization that has been restored for us that helps us when we're in need.
I guess I never had to worry about making friends at Church because from day one of showing up at Church, I had been the "investigator" and then the "recent convert" whereas in the new ward, I was no longer the new investigator that everyone went out of their way to meet. I was no longer the recent convert that everyone was trying to fellowship. I was just another somebody.. Who felt like a nobody. And don't think anybody cared. Except Him. Heavenly Father had my back.
Not only did I have a baby shower - I had one of those cute ones that I admire from afar online with matching everything, themed something, delicious yummies and uber cute games and prizes.
"It's a Boy!" banner that will be re-used and hang over the baby's crib. Love Martha Stewart poms!
I'm just bananas over the theme!
Love the color combo - not your typical baby blue!
Pancakes, Croissants, Fruit, Spinach Salad, Cupcakes - miam!
in case you missed the theme!
the best part about the deco? will be worn by our boy later! that lil monkey!
Group Shot
a palette of baby food!
being served on a silver platter!
stinky poop on a diaper
but it's really just chocolate
Loveeeee the banana gummies
These girls planned the whole shin dig!
Andy is going to build a shelf to put these blocks on in the study/baby's room.
Stop monkeying around and check out dem cupcakes!
Party number one was a baby shower thrown for me by two girls I met through Church. Now, when Andy and I first started going to the new "married" people Church that we were reassigned to (in our Church, when single from 18 - 31, you are assigned to a "Singles Ward" and ward is just another word to designate between the different demographic or language split ups for when we meet at Church), never would I have imagined nine months later, I would actually have friends to throw me a baby shower! Nor would I have imagined having more than 5 people show up because let's face it, it's hard to make friends! Add to that the fact that everyone seems to already know each other and I'm not a dental school wife (huge contingency of dental students at our married people Church) and I can come across as shy/mean/witchy/ snobby when you first meet me (been told by many at work)...
Miraculously, with a little bit of prayer, and a lot of blog stalking (on my part), I not only began to feel comfortable in our new ward, I also began to realize why our Church is set up with structure the way it is and that part of the problem was me and my lack of action to meet and make friends. You see.. one can only enjoy blog stalking for so long- one needs friends in real life too. One can continue going to Church alone (Andy had a lot of calls), feel the Spirit, understand dedicated attendance at church meetings are important, sprint out of Church immediately when it ends so many times before one feels lonely and in need of company. A lot of ex-Mormons poke fun about our Church's monthly home and visiting teaching program* and how we may all grief over getting it done the last weekend of the month. They make it sound like it's useless but we do it because we follow blindly. Too bad they can't realize the beauty of the organization that has been restored for us that helps us when we're in need.
I guess I never had to worry about making friends at Church because from day one of showing up at Church, I had been the "investigator" and then the "recent convert" whereas in the new ward, I was no longer the new investigator that everyone went out of their way to meet. I was no longer the recent convert that everyone was trying to fellowship. I was just another somebody.. Who felt like a nobody. And don't think anybody cared. Except Him. Heavenly Father had my back.
Not only did I have a baby shower - I had one of those cute ones that I admire from afar online with matching everything, themed something, delicious yummies and uber cute games and prizes.
"It's a Boy!" banner that will be re-used and hang over the baby's crib. Love Martha Stewart poms!
I'm just bananas over the theme!
Love the color combo - not your typical baby blue!
Pancakes, Croissants, Fruit, Spinach Salad, Cupcakes - miam!
in case you missed the theme!
the best part about the deco? will be worn by our boy later! that lil monkey!
Group Shot
a palette of baby food!
being served on a silver platter!
stinky poop on a diaper
but it's really just chocolate
Loveeeee the banana gummies
These girls planned the whole shin dig!
Andy is going to build a shelf to put these blocks on in the study/baby's room.
Stop monkeying around and check out dem cupcakes!Second party was our first ever real adult party. Meaning, there were kids there too (a bit of a paradox). All together, we had 13 adults, 6 kids and 1 baby. Just another typical Sunday potluck with friends who also live atop the hills in our little tucked away corner of Los Angeles, except it's not so typical and the only thing typical about it was our constant mentioning of how we should do it for the last 6 months. Finally, I took charge, sent out an evite and Andy and I opened our home for a Texas style BBQ potluck (only two families showed up according to theme and Andy wouldn't put on my authentic Texas cowboy hat so we failed). We had pulled buffalo chicken sandwiches, corn on the cob, cheesy biscuits, guacamole and chips, lemon bread, cookies, strawberries, lemonade and punch (forgot to take photos.. bummer) but the best part was having 5 kids run around playing hide n seek, loving their corn on the cob, and daring each other to get in the dryer (I monitored them and saw one of the girls scold the others with, "Come on guys, this is not something to play around with!" as she closed the dryer and ended their dialogue of who would go in first). After everyone left, we spent a good forty-five minutes cleaning up, but it was great and totally worth it! I'd do it again in a heartbeat because opening our home up to others every now is oodles of fun and it helps train us for when we'll get to open our home for the family to come for Christmas!
Life's a ball when you're just partying it up. I had a great weekend and should consider going into the party planning business. I'm not as good as the ladies who threw my baby shower, but I'm sure I'll have lots of practice over the years with kid birthday parties, a bridal shower for my BFF coming up! and hopefully, some baby showers for my own friends once they are prego! Excited for the opportunity and looking forward to it!
Friday, March 25, 2011
The "Chinese" Ways
When my mom found out I was pregnant, she immediately began updating me on the things I must do to maintain a safe pregnancy. Among those, were Chinese "ways" meant to be strictly adhered to since my Chinese body was weaker than that of any white woman.
Here is some of what I hear.
No watermelon - too cold.
No coconut juice - not good for you.
No pineapple - cuz the Cantonese friend told her so.
No scissors - you will cut into your baby's life or something like that.
No hammering in the house - you will hammer something bad into your baby's life.
No furniture rearrangements - not good for the baby's peace.
Eat lots of fruit so baby's skin will be white and healthy!
This only encompasses the pregnancy. Once you give birth, you are...
Not to wash your hair for a month (gross!).
To eat fresh chicken soup to replenish the lost nutrients (sounds okay).
Shave the baby's head at 100 days (to help it grow more).
None of the recommendations provided above have really impeded my lifestyle. Watermelon is out of season (won't lie, ate some during the first trimester); coconut juice continues to be a staple in my fridge as of late; pineapple is a Cantonese rule and I'm Mandarin; I don't get the scissors thing - isn't a knife just as bad?; I haven't had to hammer anything (but Andy has!) and what momma don't see with the furniture, don't hurt momma! And the fruit just means my dear mother delivers fruit to me once a week - usually an assortment of oranges, strawberries, berries and apples. I can't complain about the latter.
When it comes to the suggestions for post prenatal time, I'm a bit more hesitant. I have spoken in depth with my hair stylist who is Taiwanese and very traditional, who claims the purpose behind not washing your hair is to avoid getting a whiff of the cold while showering. Easy solution - have rugs on the cold tiles and dry your hair completely before coming out of the bathroom. The baby's head shaving is the biggest point of contention because while I believe my beautiful, full head of hair is a result of my own head being shaved at 100 days, nobody else seems to buy it - especially my husband and his side of the family. Since we're having a boy, it doesn't really matter, but once we have a girl, what will we do?! Or will the Lord only bless us with boys in order to avoid the decision? Guess only time will tell.
In the meantime, the only thing that matters is knowing the Lord will guide us and doing those small things that matter even when I am big, uncomfortable, hormonal, migraine-ish... when my heart is burning, I'm constantly peeing, wanting to waddle and oh, by the way - I'm also oddly itchy, swollen, full of dandruff on my head and slowly beginning to have slight back aches. It's difficult to remember that I must continue praying for help from the Lord for more guidance, more faith, more patience, more optimism, and more humility. But if I do these things, the minor traditions being instilled - sometimes imposed - upon me will not phase me, I will not lose my temper when talking to my mother about why these archaic customs are silly, and I will have my head on straight when approaching the "Chinese" ways with her. It's not an easy conversation - she believes with all her heart that it's true - just like I believe with all my heart and mind that the things I know are true of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. So all I can do is be patient... be positive... and pray that the Spirit will guide me through these conversations, that I may remain calm, composed, and not insult my mother and her "Chinese" ways.
Here is some of what I hear.
No watermelon - too cold.
No coconut juice - not good for you.
No pineapple - cuz the Cantonese friend told her so.
No scissors - you will cut into your baby's life or something like that.
No hammering in the house - you will hammer something bad into your baby's life.
No furniture rearrangements - not good for the baby's peace.
Eat lots of fruit so baby's skin will be white and healthy!
This only encompasses the pregnancy. Once you give birth, you are...
Not to wash your hair for a month (gross!).
To eat fresh chicken soup to replenish the lost nutrients (sounds okay).
Shave the baby's head at 100 days (to help it grow more).
None of the recommendations provided above have really impeded my lifestyle. Watermelon is out of season (won't lie, ate some during the first trimester); coconut juice continues to be a staple in my fridge as of late; pineapple is a Cantonese rule and I'm Mandarin; I don't get the scissors thing - isn't a knife just as bad?; I haven't had to hammer anything (but Andy has!) and what momma don't see with the furniture, don't hurt momma! And the fruit just means my dear mother delivers fruit to me once a week - usually an assortment of oranges, strawberries, berries and apples. I can't complain about the latter.
When it comes to the suggestions for post prenatal time, I'm a bit more hesitant. I have spoken in depth with my hair stylist who is Taiwanese and very traditional, who claims the purpose behind not washing your hair is to avoid getting a whiff of the cold while showering. Easy solution - have rugs on the cold tiles and dry your hair completely before coming out of the bathroom. The baby's head shaving is the biggest point of contention because while I believe my beautiful, full head of hair is a result of my own head being shaved at 100 days, nobody else seems to buy it - especially my husband and his side of the family. Since we're having a boy, it doesn't really matter, but once we have a girl, what will we do?! Or will the Lord only bless us with boys in order to avoid the decision? Guess only time will tell.
In the meantime, the only thing that matters is knowing the Lord will guide us and doing those small things that matter even when I am big, uncomfortable, hormonal, migraine-ish... when my heart is burning, I'm constantly peeing, wanting to waddle and oh, by the way - I'm also oddly itchy, swollen, full of dandruff on my head and slowly beginning to have slight back aches. It's difficult to remember that I must continue praying for help from the Lord for more guidance, more faith, more patience, more optimism, and more humility. But if I do these things, the minor traditions being instilled - sometimes imposed - upon me will not phase me, I will not lose my temper when talking to my mother about why these archaic customs are silly, and I will have my head on straight when approaching the "Chinese" ways with her. It's not an easy conversation - she believes with all her heart that it's true - just like I believe with all my heart and mind that the things I know are true of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. So all I can do is be patient... be positive... and pray that the Spirit will guide me through these conversations, that I may remain calm, composed, and not insult my mother and her "Chinese" ways.
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