Move 'Em On Out!

Our house has been driving me crazy lately.  The dishes are a never ending cycle that continue to perpetuate into a pile of disgusting need to wash even though we eat at my mother-in-laws at least two to three times a week.  It's completely baffling to me.  The crumbs that have manifested itself on the floor everywhere, poke me and actually hurt me sometimes.  We try to vacuum once a week but apparently that's enough when you're not able to put your foot down and the kids go running with their food towards the carpeted living room.  The toys are categorically placed into different bins, supposedly making it easier to clean up at night, but none of this matters when friends come over and the game always seems to be "let's take out EVERY SINGLE TOY he has and then see what we want to play with."  My kids love this game, it's not one they're allowed to play often.  The only thing I've been able to get under control is laundry, and right when I think I've got it down by doing only one load a day - from start to finish - the boys' room stares back at me taunting me, telling me to dare to fit more junk into those trunks.  What I really need is to invest in some transparent bins and store up all our winter clothes, making room for the summer ones - and I really need to find out if #3 is a girl or boy because then I can either put away some of these boys clothes until the next son comes along or what I'd really like to do is take my chances and trash 'em with the thought that I'll only have daughters here on out.  The reality is, we've got a room with a pretty good closet, jam packed with clothes from newborn to 3T and it's starting to get insane.  We also have an entire closet of Church dress shirts in itty bitty toddler sizes that are wrinkly and finally got hung up by Andy (I left them in a pile, telling myself I'd iron them one day... that day has not come yet nor will it ever...)  Can someone start inventing some iron-free toddler dress clothes already?!

I try to keep our bedroom toy free.  And I try to keep my desk clutter free.  I learned from my college roommate that a desk without much on it - really feels clean and good.  Instead, my desk is overflowing with bills I'm behind on (I missed my CPA renewal AGAIN .. dang it), photos I printed and am not sure if I should trash or keep, and ticket stubs for Jet Blue because my reward account is still under my maiden name (yet another task to do.. ugh).

So since we moved into our new home, I had been sharing my office space with the boys as their playroom.  The intention is to clean up the playroom every night before bed.  Of course, the reality is this doesn't always happen and most days, mom and dad are cleaning it up so mom can be sane.  I don't even care if it gets messed up right away the next day.  The bigger problem I noticed was that my desk was always gross.  My kids decided they wanted to work at my desk, color at my desk, and basically take over my desk.  And then I never really actually work at my desk.  I take conference calls from our bedroom so the boys can't break in while I'm on the call and the sitter can keep them occupied.  I rarely work in the designated office desk because it's easier to have the comp out in the living room while they play if I have to send an email and really, I try not to work unless I have to when they're around.  So what's the point right?

Except my sanity!  So... after having a really messy dining room cluttered with stuff we'd just throw when we got home and a really messy playroom, I made an executive decision to move their playroom to the dining room.  Let the mess be contained and let me have some sanity in my workspace.  I still need to get some type of shelf for a bunch of files that now sit neatly on the sides of the wall, I need to put up some frames (a year later and counting) and I need to pay my overdue bills... but it feels good to look around and not see any toys (okay.. there's a stuffed animal and a helicopter).  So I basically moved 'em on out.

Jordan asked me, "who's room is this gonna be now?"  I said.. mommy's work room and maybe baby?  And he asked, "but baby isn't gonna share with Bubba and me?"  So cute.  If we can fit em, I'm sure they will all share a room... especially since I often have an inkling that it's another boy.  Only time will tell!

Utah Things

I feel pretty at home at Utah.  We have a lovely home, my kids, husband, and husband's extended family is mostly here, and I've learned the roads and freeways (sorta) enough to get by and am slowly learning the areas (North Salt Lake = Davis County, Lehi, American Fork, Draper, South Jordan are all out towards Provo but not quite yet.... Brickyard, Midvale, Cottonwood Heights, Holladay, etc.).  But I still find it absolutely fascinating when very what I'd like to call "Utah-esque" things happen.  I've compiled a few that come to mind.

1. When I'm asked... "to stay or go?  - in California, NOBODY says that.  I believe the correct phrase is "for here or to go?" but everybody in Utah loves the word "STAY" and I can't help but smirk everytime I hear it.

2. Fry Sauce - dude, I hate to break it to you Utah but it's basically mayo and ketchup, add some relish and it's called THOUSAND ISLAND and you seem to want to put it on everything.  Hahahaha.  I personally prefer ketchup over fry sauce, but I am simply fascinated by how ubiquitous it is around here.  They even have it pre-packaged with bold "FRY SAUCE" letters all over.  The state is pretty dang proud of it.

3. No hard alcohol is sold in any grocery stores.  When Andy told me the alcohol laws had changed recently, I assumed he meant hard A and beer.  I've seen beer everywhere in grocery stores so I didn't think much of the missing Grey Goose bottles with the stringent black protective locks on 'em.  And then I started wondering what people did in this "liquor stores" that are not like your average California small ghetto liquor stores - no, these are LARGE and in CHARGE and usually have an entire parking lot to accompany it.  And then I realized... no hard alcohol is sold in grocery stores.  I think the same for wine, but I'm not sure cuz I haven't needed it yet (you know, for cooking cuz I've been sober since 2009 baby!) but now that I think about it, I haven't seen two buck chucks the few times I've been to the Trader Joe's so maybe not...?

4. Momo mommy bloggers - did you know they sorta all started in Utah?  And a lot of them show up on local KSL morning show All Things Utah or something like that - I've only seen it a couple of times but Asians in Arcadia is to Momo Mommy bloggers in Salt Lake (and greater Salt Lake which I've learned is NOT Salt Lake).  They're everywhere!  It has become fun to start following some of them on Instagram and realize they go to the same places I go to - but without traffic, everything seems much closer and the chances of actually running into them are much greater than any bloggers in LA.  They are a range of bloggers too - food bloggers, how to save money, crafty ones, how to raise kids (cuz Momos have a lot of 'em so advice is much appreciated) and then a bunch of fashion and lifestyle bloggers.  Okay, side rant - bloggers just crack me up period cuz they post photos of what they eat (okay, I do that too but it's still funny to me cuz they're not Asian and it's more hip than a way of life their parents taught em from childbirth - yes my dad still takes photos of all our food before we eat it just cuz...), where they go, what they wear, hahahaha.  My question is, who takes these photos for them when they're not obvious selfies?  Do they have remote controls for their phones?  Hehehe.  I laugh but I still follow.  The commentary is mostly silent.

5. Everyone has family from here - no, seriously - everyone.  Or at least everyone we seem to meet, mostly because we meet a lot of Momos and since Salt Lake is the Momo capital - everyone we meet seems to have family here - somewhere somehow.  I've met quite a bit of non-Momos from the neighborhood, most of them don't have family from here but if they're Momo, they usually have some family connection here.  We're part of that statistic but it's still just fascinating to me!

As you can see, little things fascinate me.

Jordan Our Lil Singer

Jordan loves singing.  His favorite song from our vacation was Best Day of My Life of American Author, he can sing the entire chorus, and hums along with it and got so excited everytime it was playing, followed up by confusion about why we can't play it again (we tried to explain it's on the radio.. he's not quite getting it yet).  My favorite part is his "life ah-ife-ife" part.  It's so funny.  Of course, he also roars along with Katy Perry's song.  And his favorite kid songs are Nothing Can Stop Me Now from the Planes soundtrack and Let It Go from the Frozen soundtrack.  Recently, he started saying "all my friends...." and I immediately thought oh no, is he singing the first line from Sleeping With a Friend - Neon Trees?  I haven't listened to the lyrics close enough but I assume it's talking about sleeping with a friend.  Can't be good right?  Hahahaha.  This morning, while lying in bed with Bubba and me, he said - clap your hands and say yeah! And then proceeded to clap his hands and say yeah.  Yes, that Indie band title is quite unique and appealing to children.  He kept trying to get Bubba to clap his hands and say yeah, but Bubba could only muster a tiny yelp of a "yeah."  Then at breakfast, Jordan kept telling me "we're safe and sound!" and then humming the chorus to the Capital Cities song that we love oh so dearly.  What a riot.

Bubba

It's crazy to think this time last year I was on bedrest, watching Parenthood.  Once I was done with that show, I would go onto Revenge.  I had never seen both shows and I managed to make the most of a boring time in the hospital by watching my shows, napping, and looking forward to eating breakfast, lunch (normally with Andy or he'd drop off something) and dinner with Jordan and May.  Time flies by so quickly but it isn't until you're at the point of now looking back that it feels super fast.

I'm grateful that I'm going to bed at 11:35 tonight just across the room from my two healthy boys.  I wish I could go back and tell myself a year ago that everything would work out, not to worry, and all that despite the hard road ahead that would be the month Bubba was in the NICU.

Jordan-isms

Jordan is such a fun age... at 35 months, he is just full of things to say and input, and if you're in the car talking to someone - whether it's on the phone or in person, he will say, "I want to talk too!" as he really does want to be part of the conversation.

Lately, he's had some hilarious Jordan-isms.

The other day, he walked over to where I was in the restroom on the toilet (sorry TMI), and said, "Mom, you're beautiful!" and then he proceeded to turn the door inward - since there's a mirror on the outside of it - so that the mirror was facing me - I could see myself on the toilet - not a sight most people want to see, and he said, "see?"  I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic (too young for sarcasm) but it was hilarious.

Lately, he's picked up his pre-school teacher's tendency to say "that's perfect!'  I'll tell him we're going to have lunch and then go out, and he'll respond with, "Oh mom, that's perfect!"  I love the enthusiasm.  Other times, it's, "Oh!!  That's just perfect!"  So funny to hear him assert himself so positively.  I love it.

He also still doesn't understand that he can be something besides Jordan and a big boy.  We played a game today while perusing through Costco where I'd ask him if he was a burrito?  or a rice cake?  or a sushi?  or a chicken stock?  or a jelly bean?  He would say "No!" loudly to everything except big boy and Jordan.  If I asked if he was a big brother, he would say "No-es" - after realizing Mom had tricked him, but other things like my son - a kid - none of those would get "yes" responses - only, "No!  I'm a big boy!!"  HAHAHA.

He also loves to recap whatever you told him.  He loves repeating what he hears, our Church had a conference this weekend where we watched the broadcast online and he would mimic what he heard, word for word, almost entire sentences.  It was quite impressive.

But of course, as the first born, he's also quite bossy and will tell his baby brother what to do.  But most of the time, he will catch himself now if he's being mean and say, "Oh, I'm sorry Bubba!"  it's so funny to hear him apologize without me prompting him.  A few times he has done the same to me too.

He also loves to say, "that's awesome Mom!" and I think it's cuz we do say it a lot haha.  He is currently a little slow with all his colors and numbers but that's okay, because we're also working on them in Chinese.  We just started having a Chinese tutor who comes once a week and helps me reinforce speaking Chinese with him more (it's always better with someone else)  He seems so much more open speaking it with anyone but me!  Hahaha! We're learning our colors together (me the characters that go with each, him the pronunciation of each) with fun apps (check out Fun Chinese if you have a bilingual Chinese speaking kid) and trying our best to learn some songs too - Chinese and Church because he absolutely loves singing.

That's it.  I just wanted to record some of what is going on as most of my free time (when I have it) has been dedicated towards working on my book.  It's such an arduous process, I've only got 17 pages written so far.  It's going to be a long time before that thing sees the end of the tunnel hahaha.  

Being a Mom

I’ll never forget the time my mom asked me for a bite of my Mickey mouse ice cream on a stick and I refused.  She took the ice cream right out of my hand, took a bite, and proceeded to eat the rest of it while I threw a mighty of all tantrums on the hard wood floor, pounding my fists in revolt and anger, yelling at the top of my lungs and crying out for mercy. 

To this day, I have never forgotten to first offer my mom a bite of anything I am having as long as she is nearby.  Ever.  A little bit out of respect.  A little bit out of fear. 

And now as I am in a similar stage of motherhood, trying my hardest not to yell and scream and demand why my son has decided to poop in his pants when he knows very well how to make his way to the toilet, I wonder in retrospect, why I can’t seem to be a bit more calm.  I wonder why I can’t remember I am damaging a bit of his self esteem with my over zealous yelling and I wonder why I can’t recall the calm composed nature I told myself I’d be when the day started. 

I’ve never been an emotional crying type of mom.  While other moms were basking in the cuteness of their firstborns, I was wondering when I would fall in love with this little wrinkly being that kept crying and pooping.  Motherhood wasn’t natural to me, in fact it was overwhelming, uncomfortable, and suffocating at times.  Instead of feeling sad when my kids cried themselves to sleep, I wondered how long it would take, only seeming to have a bit of compassion when my husband was nearby and even more strict than me.  Instead of crying when my kids got their monthly shots, I logically tried to explain to them that the pain would go away shortly (my oldest never seemed to care, my youngest had his face turn beet red everytime).       

And now that I’m almost three years into it with two kids, I seem to have softened and feel this thing called love a lot more consistently towards my own kids.  But now, now I  have to remind myself to be more patient.  To be more loving.  To be careful when I am teaching with a disapproving taint.  It’s a hard balance between disciplining and loving, establishing rules and principles, enforcing them, and also being the loving mother that I want to be. 

Nobody likes to fail.  I sure don’t.  I’m pretty sure my son doesn’t either.  And yet as I think back to that moment tonight when I was just so angry, yelling, questioning him about why he had decided to poop a nasty diarrhea consistency blob of a poop in his undies (which also transferred to his pants and all over the bathroom floor as he made his way out of his clothes), all I can see is my anger and his sadness.  I’ve read all the articles about how to control your anger with kids, how to commit beforehand not to get upset and plan for how you’ll react.  But you know what?  Easier said than done.  Because in the moment as I was scrubbing away stinky poop and telling him he should not be doing this, I couldn’t for the life of me fathom how to lovingly help him and be more nurturing and positively reinforce his potty training abilities.  All I could do was err in anger and apologize later, tell him I’m sorry and hope he’ll forgive me and not remember his mother as the scary demon who would put on her angel halo after all the steam had cleared.  And the other part of me is wondering if I should have just stuck to my guns and been the mean mom to help him remember it more. 

I’m not quite sure. 

Motherhood is so incredibly hard sometimes.  Tonight seems to be one of those nights.  As soon as I cleaned the poop up… my other son peed all over the carpet for the millisecond he was naked between diapers, and then proceeded to poop right after (his third poop of the day).  Someone please tell me, when is this poopy stage of motherhood over?  And why does it all have to happen the one night my husband is working late?! 

He Makes Me Do Things!

Disclaimer: Sappy post to follow

I'm not a huge fan of bucket lists.  At the same time, I am so excited about doing so many new things in my 30's and most of the reason for that is my perfect husband.  Okay, so he's not really perfect but his mom might disagree and I might as well.  HAHA.  He inspires me to be better, to do new things, he's patient and positive and absolutely the best life coach one could have.

When I was a kid, I wasn't always allowed to go hang out with my friends on the weekdays.  The rare times I was allowed to go hang out, I was always a crappy roller blader.  A bad bicyclist.  A horrible basketball player.  Kids can be inadvertently cruel with their not always harmless teasing and joking around, but no positive impact was ever had.  I just got more insecure and wanted less to do with those things that I sucked at.  Instead, I devoted my time to reading a lot and doing my homework.  I was pretty good at those things.

At 28, I went snorkeling and camping for the first time.  At 31, I learned how to ski.  With skiing, it's mostly because Andy pushed me - I would have been fine giving up after the first time (and I only fell a few times too...) but I'm glad he made me stick with it because this past weekend, I got to ski alongside Jordan and it was the best ever.  No more fear of falling off the ski lift getting on or off, no more falling, and it was actually exhilarating and awesome!  With camping, I'd probably be okay never going again - I'm not a huge camping enthusiast, but it's also not enough of a deal breaker that I can't just go along and try to have some fun.  And some fun I have had, it's especially fun with lots of family members who bring amazing food and stuff.  With snorkeling, I was beyond scared to go - but glad I tried it and am not afraid anymore.  And it was pretty neat seeing all the different fish in the water.  I'd do it again.  Sure!

And because I haven't posted about our awesome vacation to the Bahamas yet.. here's just a few photos.  I want to go back!!!