I Can't Sleep!

I can't sleep lately, my mind has been a whirlwind of new information and the adrenaline of processing and analyzing all the new terminology, scheduling, and homeschooling process as we attempt to do it through a public charter school which supports us, provides accountability and guidance, and most importantly... funding... is absolutely insane and wonderful all at once! 

I spent a few days just reading and reading through the MyTechHigh parent link, absorbing all the information, and then really trying to understand how the entire process works.  I joined facebook groups, read through posts and comments, and then did a bunch of research on my own online, talked to friends I have who homeschooled, and friends who were also planning to make the switch.  It's a new community I've suddenly become a part of and it's exciting, and scary, and fun - all at once!

It made me realize, I probably need to go back to work once my kids are done with school.  Or have a side hustle.  Or invest in a bunch of new hobbies.  Even though I have looked forward to the future two years ahead when I'd be able to leisurely dine with girlfriends over slow relaxing lunches, I hadn't really thought about the rest of my day, and what that might look like.  I've dived straight into maintaining our household routines and finances, but that only keeps me occupied for part of the day.  There's something magnetic and thrilling about this new adventure of homeschooling that has kept me awake at night (literally) and it feels like I'm pumped with caffeine (even though I don't drink any caffeine, not even diet soda). 

I have finally begun to use some of my abandoned skills from my working days in coming up with class descriptions for custom-built courses I am doing with my kids.  I have been trying to figure out a better excel workbook to track all the expenditures as well as the reimbursement and receipt process.  I have been joining zoom calls with Q&A, feeling like I'm in the work place again, and realizing I made a much larger sacrifice than I originally thought when I became a SAHM.  I do not have any regrets regarding my decisions, but I miss the high energy, demanding schedule and budget demands of my prior life.  Of course there's as balance, and I also don't miss the political drama or late nights, or when I messed up at work.  And I do love being able to sit in my pajamas until I feel like it, put make-up on whenever, take a nap here and there, clean my kitchen and watch my kids, etc. 

Perhaps I always was a bit curious about homeschooling, but never brave enough to attempt it.  The Covid-19 situation has really provided me with a new opportunity to try it, even if for a year, and I have no idea what will happen.  I may go insane the first day or week of homeschooling.  I may love AND hate it, which is the likely outcome, but I am super excited, as if I'm starting work at a new company, for the first time, so at least there's that. 

A New Normal and Adventure: Homeschooling

Perhaps I stopped blogging a while back because I became more active on Instagram.  When new ways of journaling pop up, the old ways seem to take a back seat.  My husband also invested time and money into videotaping all our adventures, and so our historian duties quickly transferred to him.  And I seriously have too many Chatbooks that making more seems more of a problem finding where to put them than making a significant historical impact.  But now a new journey has taken over our lives, and I want to capture it, and so I've returned.

We've decided to homeschool our children.  Given the current climate with covid and the restrictions placed on our kids with so many unknowns about how long all of this may last, I reluctantly revisited an idea I've always been interested in, but always a bit fearful to approach.  I am 100% a mask wearer and supporter, but even after donning a mask on for a quick grocery store trip, I am nauseous and my head hurts from the mask.  I had to wear one yesterday on an Uber ride home from the car dealership where service was looking at my broken sliding doors (which magically worked 100% throughout the day while being diagnosed, of course) and the car was a cocktail of Lysol that nauseated me for hours after returning home.  I just can't imagine my children being able to effectively learn Chinese (when you can't even see the teacher's mouth moving) or anything else.  The Chinese immersion program we had been a part of was so amazing, but when distance learning hit in March, my kids were trying hard to just maintain what they had learned, and definitely didn't learn anymore.  And yet I can't fault the teachers, they're all struggling as much as the next person with their kids suddenly home and trying to find curriculum to put online and learn new technology for this new normal.

I had always wanted to homeschool, but truth be told I was afraid of the stigmatism surrounding it.  The old "your kids will be so socially awkward" myths, the dilemma of how to "socialize kids normally" when they're home with you all day (I'm pretty cool, if I do say so myself), and the constant responsibility and workload of having kids with me 24/7 -  I mean I am two years away from having my kids all in school and being able to take adult lunches with adults.

But what ultimately me convinced me was the combination of the temporarily unknown as we navigate the new normal, and the ease of doing it based on all the tools now available as more people lean towards homeschooling.  Homeschooling isn't what it was 10 years ago, much less 20 or 30 years ago.  The industry has grown with attempts to help guide children to grow and learn, and if I ever wanted to homeschool, this is the time to do it when they're all relatively young and I can't screw them or their education up that much.  I'll have three kids in school: a kindergartener, second grader, and fourth grader, and one three year old just around for kicks and giggles.

I've found a charter school that keeps me accountable and provides funding as I approach my first efforts.  I've been pouring over the guidance and scouring the learning options, and I plan to attend a live session tomorrow for Q&A.  I've also been talking to friends who have homeschooled before, picking everyone's brains, and managing my own expectations as I predict I will go crazy a few times throughout the year with my kids home so often.

It's not what I expected.  It's not what I planned.  But it seems like the best option given I am already a SAHM.  It is an investment, a huge responsibility, and something I'm not quite ready for, but am prepared to learn and try my hand at.  I'm not sure what will happen, if my kids will love or hate this upcoming year, but either way, it would have been a weird year anyway.