Sunday, June 30, 2013

Lofty Aspirations Gone Astray

You didn't think you'd make it through night float?
You didn't know how you'd pack up everything?
You were supposed to report on Day 7 but you don't even remember what happened anymore?

A week has gone by since our big move from Spokane to Salt Lake.

The drive itself over was really quite pleasant.  Bubba was a champ, he slept while we drove, we woke him up to feed him, and then he went right back, only spitting up a bit along the way (as compared to his normal).  Jordan enjoyed his snacks, the iPhone, and the little stops we made along the way for gas and food.  He started to despise his car seat around the last 30 minutes and kept telling me he had pooped just so I'd take him out and change his diaper.  He is the boy who cried poop and in the end, he really did have a tiny little nugget of joy which we discovered upon arriving in Salt Lake.. but that little nugget was nowhere to be found the first time I believed him and went to change him.  He also kept saying "hold you" because he's still confused about his pronouns and because we normally ask, "do you want me to hold you?"

Our stuff didn't get unloaded until Monday night after the end of business day when manly men who would help us move would be off of work.  We stayed at Andy's parents house the first night... intending to go to our home Tuesday to unpack and settle in.  Tuesday became Thursday and currently, we have our window treatments up, cable and Internet, food in the fridge, and a lot more to unpack and organize.

My lofty aspirations of painting our room a soft taupe, our sons' room a sky blue, and the office den a gray have quickly dissipated into distant memories.  I have come to appreciate my friends who have beautifully decorated homes with cute coordinating walls, furniture and window treatments.  As for us, functionality is first and anything above that feels like too much effort as we live among boxes and boxes.  Even though I enjoy browsing through Pinterest dream home ideas, I am seriously too tired to think of what to do for our own home besides unpack it!  After multiple trips to Bed Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, and Ikea, I am very content with our super long one day I intend to hem 'em but will just safety pin 'em for now Ikea curtains and we went with the wood colored because you had to custom order the white Home Depot install it yourself blinds.  I fell in love with some curtains I found at Home Goods but am hesitant they don't match much of anything in our living room.  But then again, what really matches a mismatched combo of couch, blinds, and wall anyway?  Andy is supportive and says he likes them, and this is when I realize what a great match we are.

Alas, I am sooo happy with my kitchen.  It is a big one!  We have enough room to put a dining table and a kids table in there!  And, I have so much storage space that the only thing on my counters is our knife set.  Boo ya'll!

It's been a long week but we're still not quite done yet.  My parents come to visit next Tuesday and they'll help me continue unpacking, organizing, and my mom will most likely help me decorate a bit and figure out where all the photos and wall art will go.  Fortunately, since she's a realtor who dresses homes up quite a bit, she has some good suggestions.  Unfortunately, since she's so busy all the time, she hates when I buy something without fully committing knowing that I can return it (she says time is money and you can't waste it) and she would be judgmental about all the returns I have made lately.  Ha!

Tonight, my goal is to prep the den for when my parents arrive and that includes assembling an Ikea desk.  Andy has low expectations but when I really want to get something done, I won't even feel tired.  So I'll just work until I'm feeling like it's time for bed.  The only awful thing is that I now also have dishes to do.  Boo.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Day 6

Day 6 started off with a morning call for me that lasted a lot longer than I expected (since the normal weekly one was cancelled and this was something else all together).  After the normal feeding, changing diapers, pumping, and getting the diaper bag ready with extra clothes, washcloths, diapers for both boys, snacks for the big one, and wipes galore, we headed out for lunch at Mickey D's for the big 3 year anniversary with the whole fam bam!  Woo woo.  And a big deal is the fact that instead of both forgetting our anniversary this year, we both made sweet homemade thoughtful gifts for each other.

Andy extended a poem he wrote for me for Christmas when we were dating and I made him a slideshow of the last three years with only one rule: that we both were in the photo.  Turns out , there is only one photo with Bubba in it.  How sad is that... we need to start taking more family photos with the four of us.

After yummy ice cream at Mickey D's and buy one get one free quarter pounders with fries, we ventured off to track down a man we met at the Golf Travel Show a few months ago to buy some green turf stuff for Andy to make a putting green for the boys' room.  I fell asleep in the car with the boys while Andy was getting the order at some dude's home in Spokane Valley (definitely more ghetto than South Hill in Spokane).  We had to drive from a house to a warehouse to get the actual piece of green but it was close so I continued to nap and only came out of my groggy state of being to ask Andy if we were done yet and to remind him I had to go home to pump!

I was awakened from my nap by the giddy school boy sitting next to me in the car after he got the green.  His eyes were wide with excitement and I asked him if the putting green was for Jordan and Bubba or him.  He said it was for OGO, him, Jordan and Bubba.

The night was a little tough because Bubba decided to wake up promptly every three hours to poop or eat or both, but I can't really complain since I have for the most part, had someone helping me from 5 PM - 10 PM every night, which has made it a lot easier than if it were just me. Last night, I discovered that I had been overlooking Shelby's true asset as the key person to put Jordan to sleep instead of me.  He went down at 9 PM instead of the night before's 11 PM or the night before that which was 10 PM.  I also have noticed my milk supply going down.  Part of the reason is because I am too lazy to pump at night (or in the early morning really).  In trying to get my milk supply back, I've been up for the last three nights with each feeding pumping for 15 minutes.  To stay awake, I go to the living room where I watch something on TV after feeding Bubba who then just lies next to me in the wannabe boppy.

One more day.  One more night.  Then we will have made it through seven straight nights without Andy.  Three of which it was just me and the boys.  Four of which Shelby was here to help out often (in the mornings when I had calls and from 5PM - 10 PM).  All of which I missed Andy so so much! And then we have Friday to pack and finalize, Saturday morning help comes to move everything into the truck, and hopefully not all of Saturday will be spent cleaning the apartment.

Here's to the last day of night float.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Day 5

It's kind of freaky how fast time is flying now!  We're past Andy's work week's hump day.  Past the middle.  Two more days and no more night float ever again and two days to get us all ready for the big move and very exceptionally long drive Sunday!


We took Jordan to gymnastics yesterday but there were so many older girls tumbling and doing gymnastics stuff that he was hesitant to run around per usual.  Instead, he kept wandering up the stairs to the viewing area where Bubba and I were hanging out.  There are a bunch of toys up there for other siblings who go with their folks to view, and he seemed quite content with that.

After Andy left for work, our night was uneventful.  I wanted to take Jordan out but he wanted to be home, so after a long timeout which convinced me no more raising my voice when upset (so horrifically hard), he took a bath and calmed down.  Bedtime was a struggle once more but he went to sleep at 9 PM instead of the previous night's 11 PM bedtime.

We need to pack more today.  AhhhhHhHhhHhhHhHhhhh!!!  I wish we had movers.  Alas, it is just Andy and myself.

One year flies.  So do three years.

Today marks our three year anniversary.  Wowsers!  To celebrate, let's revisit the wedding video my brother made for us and witness how awkward we are when we first exit the Temple as a newly married couple.  My favorite part is how we can't decide if we should keep holding hands, let go, walk or what.  If you watch carefully, you'll notice one of my bridesmaids is limping and doesn't jump for the group shot.  This is because our special day was also the same day she ate it running across the parking lot at the Temple.  When I say ate it, that is an understatement beyond belief.  She was a wreck on her knees and it was really sad and bloody and some of our family members witnessed her fall before recognizing she might be in our wedding party as she was dressed in purple.  Eeek.  Thanks Annie, for being a trooper on our big day and so sorry your knees were tarnished from running in an attempt to be on time when we exited the Temple.

Here's to being married to my best friend and a wonderful and surprisingly quick but awesome three years.  To infinity and beyond.

Andy & Daisy from Ray Chou on Vimeo.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Day 3 and Day 4

Since Andy had such a great night, Father's Day was quite pleasant for all of us!  We got Andy a golf grip and oreos (mint and cream, one from each boy) and I made him a card on Photoshop (so much fun).  Jordan took a long bath after Andy went to work, came out a raisin, and stared at his hands, unaware of why they had turned into prune fingers.  It amused me so.  The night shift was tiring, Jordan still isn't turning into bed until around 10 PM.  It's a constant battle.  First I put him in his room, tie the door with a tie down rope used for moving.  He loosens it by tugging at the door for a few minutes, then he sticks his tiny little fingers and says "Mommy?"  Then when that doesn't work, the waterfall comes.  And once he starts to cry, his nose will get runny and he'll ask "Wipe nose?"  It's so miserable to hear and even more miserable to see the real honest tears streaming out of his big eyes because all he wants is "sleep mommy bed."  So I throw in the white flag of defeat and let him come to my bed.  This gives him a jumpstart, a reinvigorated sense of being and he refuses to sleep.  Instead, he jumps on the bed, asks about Bubba.  When I yell at him, he laughs.  When I raise my voice, he thinks it's hysterical.  After a few time outs, a few escapes into the living room, he eventually falls asleep in the middle of whatever he's doing.  One night it was holding onto his paper airplane.  This night it was in the middle of talking to himself about something important, no doubt.  Bubba continues to eat every 3-4 hours and giving me one long stretch before Daddy comes home.  But when he's refluxing, it can take him a while to go back to sleep.  The last feeding of the night usually ends up being difficult for him to go back down so he ends up on me sleeping until Andy comes home to find me in bed with both boys.

Monday was fun.  My call was cancelled in the morning so I worked on Bubba's announcement.  Now all we need are cute photos to put into it.  We attempted some with our nice camera, but as you can see .. we are not photographers.  I have a friend who is taking photos of Bubba once we get into Utah, but I'm just afraid he'll be even bigger by then! We went to the Par 3 golf course together as a family and Jordan, Bubba, and I made it through about six holes before Bubba was hungry, Jordan was tired, and boy was it hot.  82 degrees yesterday!  I don't know how anyone plays golf in the heat.  I had my umbrella open for one hole before realizing I couldn't walk around with it.

Last night was rough.  Bubba is on a monitor that rings like a smoke alarm loud if his heart rate goes down or if he stops breathing.  Well, more like if the monitor thinks these two things has happened.  Tired and listening to the thunderstorms outside, all I remember was staring at the blinking green lights, making sure they were there.  Once a green light stops blinking, the red light comes on along with the BLARING sound of the alarm which startles only me apparently.  Jordan, the best sleeper once asleep, has not waken up ONCE from the many alarms going off, Bubba crying or me moving him back to his side of the bed.  Maybe that's why he resists sleeping as much as he does... he gets good solid sleep so doesn't need much of it?  Bah.. go figure.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day!

By now, everyone reading our blog is thinking.. wow, these two really love blogging.  I just told Andy about the "scheduling" your posts option.  He feels kind of silly.

It's Father's Day!!  Time to celebrate amazing dads everywhere!


Day 2

Amidst the chaos that is our living quarters composed of improvised furniture made of boxes, clean but unfolded clothes strewn atop the couch, the remainder of Jordan's toys all over the floor, and a kitchen covered with bottles and nipples, there is a looming anticipation and excitement for our big move.

Yesterday morning, we got a taste of moving day when people from CraigsList came to pick up the bedroom set and living room table set.  Jordan was so excited, walking back and forth, watching them move the furniture, taking a breath of the fresh air outside, and loving the space the furniture now gone created.  He is going to love next Saturday while we are going to be chasing around, trying to make sure he's safe.  It was a nice foreshadowing of our upcoming weekend.

At night, I decided to take that first trip out with two boys on my own.  Mostly it was because I'm an idiot and forgot to get the one thing I made a trip out to Wal-Mart for earlier... Enfacare for Bubba (which strengthens his ability to grow when added to my milk).  So like a rookie who forgets to save a file worked on for hours, I realized I had to amend my own wrongdoing by sucking it up and getting it done.  I went to the store with my two sons on my own for the first time.

I figured it'd be easy enough to get Bubba into the basket of the cart, Jordan into the front and be in an out in less than 5 minutes.  I just had to park near a cart.  Of course, by the time I got everyone loaded into the cart, I realized the seatbelt was broken.  Oh well.  It'd be a quick enough trip and I'd keep an eye out on Jordan at all times.

Next, we ventured to the hospital to have dinner with Andy.  Well, we would have dinner and he would accompany us because he actually ate earlier just in case we didn't make it before the cafeteria closed for the night.  I specifically wanted to go on a weekend because I knew the parking lot closest to the cafeteria would be free on the weekends (NICU experience taught me all the lots are free on the weekends).  I carried the diaper bag, Bubba's carseat and his monitor, Jordan's bug case filled with bath toys, and with my free hand, clutched onto Jordan tighter than a pair of spanx because lately, he thinks it's fun to run off and has no concept of parking lots no matter how much we emphasize it to him.  It's all a big fat game to him.  We got to the doors and I told Jordan to go push the handicap button to open the door for us.  He ran to it, hit the button, and into the hallway in front of the elevators we were.  He pressed the up button and in we went.  Everything went smoothly on our walk to the dining hall but once there, Jordan told me how hungry he was when he asked "eat?" and "Daddy, where are you?"

It was a little bittersweet to be eating at the hospital one last time (I don't imagine we'll be going again) and to witness Jordan completely aware of the familiarity of the hospital dining hall.  We normally tried to make it out there when Andy was working a night shift on weekends, which he had to do throughout the year.  I was also surprised that the staff recognized us, implying that we are actually there quite often (might be true).  The girl who scooped up my Fall salad asked me if I was married to that handsome doctor.  "Which one?" I asked, because I'm not really good at receiving compliments about how handsome my husband is.  She then told me what a great accomplishment it was and congratulated me for supporting him.  The girl at the checkout lane recognized Andy as my husband when he was walking towards us and told me, "here he comes" as Jordan was so hungry, we went to grab the food and were just waiting at the register for Andy to come swipe his card.

We came home, Jordan had trouble sleeping again but like always, around 10 PM, was ready to sleep.  Should I change his bedtime to 9 PM?  That hour is so nice to have though.....  Or maybe shorten his naptime to 2 hours or 90 minutes?  Some days, he can go for three hours!

The night was uneventful.  Everyone slept well, including me as I told myself I'd wake up in ten minutes at 5:30 AM to pump, but ended up waking up at 6:30 instead.

Andy came home around 7 AM and told us he also had an uneventful night which means he got to sleep a little.  He told me his wife interrupted him the most.  Touche.

Happy Father's Day!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Leaving Spokane

Clearly I am waxing somewhat sentimental. Two posts in one night? There may be a third coming, and it may have more to do with needing to accomplish a goal, and not wanting to procrastinate to the end, when I'll be moving, and super busy.

Living in Spokane this past year was amazing. Why you ask? I'll give you 50 reasons:

1. My fam bam came with me. That really is the only requirement to making any location an amazing place to live, so the list could stop there.
2. The residency program lived up to its billing of being family friendly, meaning, lots of family time!
3. Made a lot of good friends, albeit mostly within the residency program.
4. We lived on a golf course. Literally, 100 yards to the driving range.
5. Subsequent to #5, my firstborn loves golf, and is pretty darn good at it!
6. Referring to Jordan as my firstborn is now acceptable, as we have 2 sons now! Adam will forever be a native Spokane-ite.
7. My residency program provided me with a meal stipend and I didn't gain weight. Amazing!
8. We lived in close enough proximity to Portland to justify a trip to the Nike Employee Store. I hope to be frequenting the store more in the future.
9. We got to go to Seattle to visit friends, family, and eat some Paseo Caribbean sandwiches... MMMMmmmmm
10. We got to visit family up in Vancouver and eat a bunch of Chinese food. And the good kind of Chinese food.
11. Eagle Ridge par 3 golf course. Longest hole 100 yards. Cheap, close to home, and was even able to get Daisy to play it a few times with me.
12. The Red Wagon Slide.
13. A river that runs through the center of Downtown. It's gorgeous.
14. No traffic!
15. A short, consistent commute (see #14)
16. Great calling - see last post about Boy Scouts
17. Only got stuck in snow once! Was expecting a lot more, living on the hill we do.
18. Walmart was only 7 minutes away.
19. Lake Coeur D' Alene was just down the freeway, where there are a ton of neat shops, a great park, and some beautiful scenery.
20. Family came to visit us multiple times
21. We discovered USA network. Big fans of Suits, White Collar, and now Graceland
22. Learned how to take apart and build golf clubs - at least started to learn.
23. Bought our first home while here!
24. Discovered the comforts of the Sperry Topsider. Both Daisy and I did. Can you say twinners?!?!?!
25. Interview dinner stipends to take out interviewees on nice dinners around Spokane.
26. Passing step 3! I can now become a liscensed physician!
27. Ward basketball happens here.
28. Splash pads are plentiful and fun.
29. County fair with first rodeo? Check.
30. Pig out in the park, with a ton of food trucks in one place!
31. Pumpkin donuts. 'Nuff said.
32. Greenbluff, where you can pick your own fruit. Although we need to learn how to judge how many pounds we be picking.
33. Great health insurance. Much needed.
34. Good NICU staff.
35. Living less than 20 minutes away from a state park. Jordan loves the wilderness.
36. Spokane Chiefs hockey games on dollar dog night. I think I am still recovering from the 4 doggies I ate.
37. Jordan's first movie, Wreck it Ralph. Stayed to the end like a trooper.
38. People here who will buy your furniture so you don't have to move it.
39. The Elders in our ward, who invited an inebriated potentially homeless man to our Christmas dinner party, and asked us to pick him up from the coffee shop. After dinner he was passed out on the couch, and would not wake up despite my finest efforts of shaking him.
40. Our halloween tradition of having bomb costumes continued.
41. Jordan met Finn.
42. Jordan learning that nursery with Finn is fun, and we got to experience 2nd and 3rd hour of church again.
43. Our many vacations out of Spokane. Gotta have a break.
44. Halloween up at Green Bluff. J Denny rode a pony, we ate more pumpkin donuts, and rode in a little cow trailer. I think my back still hurts from that ride.
45. Spokane Gymnastics. Jordan is pretty close to doing somersaults all by himself, loves jumping on the tramp, and is following in daddy's footsteps.
46. The carousel at Riverfront Park has little rings that you grab as you go around. If you get the brass one you win a free ride. I won a free ride! Booyah!
47. All the transitional residents had thanksgiving off, and we had a delicious turkey dinner together.
48. I discovered And their classified section. Amazing.
49. Getting to REI at 4:30 in the morning for a ding and dent sale hoping for a dirt cheap bike or double stroller bob, and leaving with a camelbak insert and bike headlight.
50. We are leaving in 1 week!

Scout Campout

I am one of three 11 year old scout leaders. It has been a blast of a calling. We have a pretty decent sized troop, as we are a combination of two wards. The boys are a great group of boys. They are as well behaved as a group a boys their age can be, and do a decent job of listening to the short lessons we have each week.

Over the course of the past year, we have gone on two camp outs. For whatever reason, each time we have a trip planned, I am the only leader available to go. The first time, it was in the middle of November, we were hoping for some decent weather, and instead got a huge snow storm. Huge may be a bit of an exaggeration, but snow fell the day we went up. Thankfully, I had a father go with us, and nobody froze. We just went up to a camp ground real close to town, called Bowl and Pitcher. Did the usual camp out stuff, and in the morning played a wicked game of capture the flag. It was a lot of fun.

Last night, one of the other leaders changed his mind at the last minute and was able to go. It was a huge multi stake event, and it was well done. We had a program last night with a fire juggler, and then today there were a bunch of different stations for the boys to go around to in order to meet requirements. The fire juggler was super talented, not only did he juggle fire, he also sang camp songs, and gave a short message. He shared a couple of great stories, the one I liked the best was about while he was in film school up in Toronto. He mentioned the school being quite in tune with the Hollywood culture, and how it wasn't easy living the standards he wanted to, in particular, avoiding unwholesome media, as during classes they would "study" films that often depicted things he wanted to avoid seeing.

He was a gunner of a student, and would always sit in the front row, and had a friend who would let him know if there was anything that he wouldn't want to see in a clip during class who sat on the back row. Everytime the teacher would line up a new clip, he would turn around and his friend would either shake his head (telling him to leave the room), or nod, indicating he could stay. Eventually, the entire class would nod or shake their head when he turned around, and by the end of his training, the teacher would just say "John Doe, you might want to step outside for the next 10 minutes." There were a few faculty who were resistant to his belief system, but the majority respected him. I was most definitely impressed with his example.

The food as usual was delicious. We do food right in our troop. Other troops had microwaveable burritos, wrapped in tin foil, thrown on the fire. We had hashbrowns, ground beef, seasoning, carrots, peas, and green beans in ours. Then for breakfast we made some killer breakfast burritos, although we forgot to bring the salsa. So much for the motto to "Be Prepared." All in all, it was a great night. I slept in my usual place, the back of the van, on a nice cushion. It was fantastic. As great as it was, I can't wait for the times when I get to head out on campouts with Jordan and Bubba. Although, when they are old enough, I'm going to have to give up my van bed for a tent.

Day 1

I have just finished day one of the seven night stretch leading up to the end of night float and our transitional year and the beginning of a long move to the next four years of residency in beautiful Utah. This morning, as I sit here typing away and eagerly awaiting Andy's return from Scout Camp, the morning light is shining through the blinds and both my children are peacefully sleeping at 8:30 AM.  Unlike yesterday's disaster of a morning, today is calm and oh so nice. Granted getting here was a rough patch last night from 8 PM until 10 PM of Jordan not wanting to sleep, turning on the lights, and crying when I got fed up and took him into his room (the only room that locks around here), locked the door, and lay in the bed next to him as he cried for who knows how long.... we all eventually ended up in my room with Bubba in the pack n play and Jordan in bed next to me.

Today is nice.  Sooo nice.  If I were a reality show, there'd be awesome music playing nice.  I nursed Bubba throughout the night in between bottles, and woke up not feeling quite the cow I did yesterday.  It is tricky with Bubba because of his premie status, every doctor and nurse warning us to add more nursing sessions slowly as he grows.  At 9 lbs, I think that means I can try more, yet I'm always afraid and hesitant since he does start to gasp for air (even though the monitor says he's still breathing) and tires out a lot quicker than Jordan did.  Slowly, we'll get there.  

Today I am reminded of the sweet love my oldest has shown towards our youngest so far and the serenity and pure joy that comes from having two cutie patooties to love.  At 7 AM, when Bubba was crying, Jordan woke up in a hazy daze and said "Bubba cry" and then rolled over and  grinned a silly one as he closed his eyes and grabbed his blanket to return to sleep.  Jordan is absolutely enthralled with his baby brother.  He will tell us "Bubba drip" if Bubba spits up or is dripping milk from his mouth, tells us "Bubba play" when he wants to bring his toys over to play with Bubba (which we have repeatedly tried to tell him hard toys are not okay because who knows when he'll throw something his way!), and he'll ask "Where are you Bubba?!" when he wakes up in his own room (rare form these days).  Today, as we were moving more stuff, he found two of his Disney Cars cars and as I was changing Bubba, he decided to give Bubba his blue car.  When Bubba did not grasp for the car and lay there as a baby ought to, he changed his mind to red car, and wanted to see if Bubba wanted that one instead.  Bubba did not.  But soon, I told Jordan.  Give him some time and I'm sure he'll want it.  That, or they both will be screaming "MINE!!!!" ...

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Joys of Motherhood With Two

All my friends who had two kids all warned me how tired I'd be.  Fatigue beyond belief.  But nobody ever warned me about those ultimate defeat moments.

Let me try to shed some light on one recent ultimate defeat.

This morning.

Bubba is hungry and I awaken to his screaming hunger pains to find my shirt is drenched with milk from my cow udders that have gone for 4.5 hours without being milked.  I am alone with my 2 year old sleeping next to me, sprawled across the bed really, because my husband is working nights at the hospital and it's just too hard to put him to sleep in his bed when he can open doors, run out, and well.. yes I gave up and let him sleep in my bed.  It's been 4.5 hours since I last was up, in a daze of half awake, half asleep, changing and feeding Bubba.  He is a sweetheart of a baby too, letting me sleep from 2 AM until 6 AM when he decides he's had enough.  I stick a binky in it.  Seems to do the trick.

Nope... spoke too soon.  He looses his binky.  He yells.  Screeches really.  I run out to the kitchen as soon as the binky is in and warm up a bottle for him, all while dripping all over our rental apartment's carpet (another reason I tell my husband we need hardwood floor in our future house.. the milk just settles into the carpet and you can sniff your way to it.. but it's hard to clean if you don't quite know where it is).  I run back to the room to pump, getting all my parts together, only to see my two year old is now sitting up in bed, staring out the window, still half asleep but on his way to fully awake.  Mommy is engorged beyond belief and probably should have set an alarm to get up earlier..what can I say.. I chose sleep over pain.  Hoping my two year old will be oblivious to my pumping antics, I gear up and think I've got it under control.  Two year old is in a haze of trying to wake up and the one month old is happily sucking on his binky and I am about to pump.

Then in a blink of an eye it all changes.  Bubba's binky falls out yet again.  Jordan's decided he wants the "purple iPhone" to play with.  He also tells me "Bubba cry" everytime the binky falls out.  It seem sto happen a few times.  I've only been pumping for five minutes, but that's exactly when one side overfills the now tiny 2 oz bottle catching the milk.  I lean over again and again to put Bubba's binky back in, drip a ton of milk on self and carpet, hear Jordan whining for the iPhone and decide fine - and hand it over to him reluctantly.  Get a few seconds of peace while Jordan is playing before he tells me it's broke because it's out of battery.  I'm sorry, I tell my son.  Maybe you can just play with something else or go back to sleep?  "No sleep!" he tells me.  He peers over at the bottle catching my milk and tells me, "milk all gone" because the new bottle I just snapped on isn't full quite yet.  Bubba begins to yell.  He's lost his binky and is arching his back, trying to explain how uncomfortable he is.  I unhook the pump pipes, run out with the rest of the pump stuff still on me, run to the kitchen to grab the milk for Bubba, and run back to feed him, all while still hooked up to the pumping shields and milk. Jordan realizes he now wants milk.  Begins asking for it nicely with a lot of pleases.  Elevates it to a simple demand.  Can you wait just a little while I feed Bubba?  "No Bubba milk!" he tells me.  I'm still dripping, I haven't pumped enough, but I decide to just feed Bubba while pumping.  I don't even feel how disgusting I really am at this point, I am just trying to make it through the next five minutes.  There's milk on my lap, on my shirt, on Bubba, and it is not a pretty sight.  Jordan seems to have calmed down and I secretly pray he isn't pooping.  Right as I'm thinking that, he points to his very exceptionally full crotch of a diaper and tells me "I pooped."  I tell him calmly that I will change it as soon as I finish feeding Bubba.  "I pooped!" he tells me again and again with an escalating louder voice, as if to ensure he makes himself heard because he senses a barrier of communication.  No son, no barrier of communication, just barrier of opportunity really.  I don't have enough hands!  I try to explain things to him, but he keeps persisting and I end up just asking him how he can fix the broken purple phone instead.  This seems to work temporarily.  Meanwhile, I finish feeding and burping Bubba, unhook all the pumping parts, and run out to get Jordan's milk and tell him as I'm doing it so he will remain calm.  I'm hoping nothing happens with Jordan and Bubba unsupervised while scanning my brain for any hard toys in the room that Jordan might throw (he's into throwing everything lately and we've had multiple teachings with him about hard versus soft or ball versus not ball).  I decide in that moment that I cannot wait an additional minute to warm up his cold milk and pour in the freshly pumped milk into his bottle.  I run back to give it to him, and then proceed to change his diaper (only wet) while he eats, and relax as everything seems to be peaceful now.  And then Andy comes home.  And right when everything seems dandy and I'm ready to lie down next to my husband who is holding our newborn and our toddler who is tucked right next to them, I find that the bed is soaked.. but this isn't milk.  No... this is much more .... pissy smelling.  Pee.  That really full diaper of Jordan's?  It didn't hold much this morning.

Oh the joys of motherhood when it's not just one.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Tiny Apartment Living

As if 980 sq ft weren't small enough, we've managed to decrease our living space with boxes upon boxes upon boxes.  We're about 80% done with packing with the remainder as kitchen stuff, some toys, clothes, bathroom items and our electronics.  I'm looking forward to being done.

15 days until our big move to Salt Lake City.

15 more days until we have a garage, a backyard, and space!

15 more days and we can graffiti our sidewalks with an assortment of colored chalk.

11 more days of work for Andy, including his last stint which is a straight six days.  Ugh.

Among all of us, Jordan seems to be enjoying Daddy on night float the most.  He has no reason to leave Daddy alone when he's sleeping in bed, thinks it's amusing, and then gets Daddy before and after his nap.  Once Daddy's gone for work at 5 PM, he only has a few hours before bedtime and then when he wakes up, Daddy's back soon after at 7 AM!

I, on the other hand, am not a fan.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Endure to the end...

I am currently on night float, which means that Sunday night through Thursday night, my work day starts at 5:30 PM, and ends the next morning at 6:30 AM.  I am constantly confused as to what day it is, because it's odd to start the work day on one day, and finish it on the next.  We always have to ask patients if they know the date, to make sure they are oriented, but since starting nights, I basically accept getting the right year as oriented to time, otherwise I would need to be admitted to the hospital.

Anyways, every morning I think - just X number of days left.  I just need to endure this for x number of days, and then I will be completely done with medicine for the rest of my life, and can focus on radiology.  One of the really nice things about the whole medical training process is that every 4 weeks or so, you finish a rotation, and then start a new one.  During medical school and my residency, that often brings a stark change in the type of work, the people I take care of and the schedule.  During radiology residency, there will still be rotations every 4 weeks, with new people that you work with, but the work/schedule will be much less variable than it has in the past.  Without the change, I think I would go crazy.  Just about at the end of every rotation, I am begging for something new.  On my mission, I had a similar experience, but my time frame of needing a change was about 18 weeks, instead of 4-6.  By the end of 3 transfers, I was ready for a new place, as I felt I had the weight of the area on my shoulders, and the new area would always reinvigorate me.

However, when it comes to the gospel, there's no transfer possibility every 6 weeks.  There's no new rotation every 4.  In fact, I was recently thinking about what endure to the end means, and I am not sure there is an end.  Death?  But that is certainly not the end of our agency.  If we believe the gospel can be preached to those in the Spirit Prison, and they can repent, then certainly, we could err.  The millenium?  Satan will be bound for those thousand years, but then will be released for a time.  Exaltation?  The Book of Mormon teaches that even God can "cease to be God" if He stops making choices congruent with eternal laws.  So about that end...  

I figure if I can just endure to the end of night float, that will be good enough for now.