Contrary to what my mother has told me from the beginning of my life, I feel completely not-special. Ever since arriving at the Keck School of Medicine, I have been accompanied by this strange thought that I am out of my league.
I am not one of the younger students, and yet everyone seems to have more relevant experience than me. I studied Psychology, not a hard science. I am from Utah, not from California (not that there is anything wrong with that, just that I have no idea where I am at all times, and have to start completely over with social things). I just finished my undergrad this last spring, not a couple years ago. I don't ask super-intelligent questions each lecture. And the list goes on...
After getting to know a few other students in my class of 168, I expressed how I was beginning to wonder why Keck even let me in. Some expressed feeling the same way, and everyone reminded me that I was admitted in, therefore qualified, that no mistake was made, and that the administration believed in each of us.
On occasion I have felt the same way in life. Everyone else has a better grip on life than me. Everyone else gets more out of Church than I do. Everyone else understands the Gospel better. I am the only one succumbing to the wiles of Satan. The journey is just too tough for me, and I am not equal to the task.
In those moments I am grateful for the hymn which teaches that I am a child of God. Just like the reminder that I was accepted to the school and therefore qualified, I occasionally need the reminder that before this life we all lived with God as His spirit children. We all have this opportunity on this earth because we promised we would do our best to learn of Him and to follow Him. We were qualified to come to this earth and fulfill our purpose in finding happiness, and we all have the capacity to return to live with Him. It is one of the simplest truths of the Gospel, and yet brings peace and direction in so many complicated situations. Simply put, knowing that I am a son of Heavenly Father helps me to remember the unlimited potential within me.
7 comments:
it feels good to know that i'm not the only one who doesn't feel special 24/7. but i hope you know how amazing i think you are...
I just found your blog through tammy's today and thought i would post a comment. Anyways, I was watching you at the family reunion this year thinking,'wow that kid excells at all he does' So even though I know just how you feel. (Try being a stay at home mom in a world that kind of tries to minimize the importance of that job) I hope you don't feel that way to often 'cuz I think your awesome. But, thanks for sharing because it makes me feel a little more normal :) Sorry I deleted the first one, I'm a terrible speller and noticed all my mistakes. Hopefully this one is better!
Andy!! you can do it. beginning of school years are also overwhelming and scary. you'll do just great. hope life is treating you well!
andy! you seriously rock! i wish i had your skills! you are going to do so well in medical school! :)
I have no idea how you feel. I have always felt really special. That song you are referring to - "I Am A Child of God" - where might I find that? Never heard it.
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