Monday, November 17, 2014

Premie Baby Club

For reasons unknown to the medical professionals who have assisted me during my second and third pregnancy, I am officially part of a very important club known as the "Premie Baby Club."  Being part of this club means I had my third child early, after having my second child early also.  And because of that, I came home after giving birth without a baby, I pump every three hours, make multiple visits to the NICU whenever I can, and am once again with dry hands and a hopeful heart.

The sounds of the NICU are so familiar to me.  The beeps and alarms that go off, the constant humming of the monitoring, the little shriveled up cries from the babies lying all around, and the shuffle and hustle of the nurses that take care of these little angels.  The sting of the dryness that has become my hands have become numb as I am eager to wash my hands, the first thing I always do before signing in and going to see my baby girl.  But the trips have become increasingly painful as the wait to bring her home becomes more drawn out each time.

At first, the emotional and hormonal whirlwind of just giving birth had me sometimes crying about the fact that I didn't have my baby girl with me.  Thoughts and confusion about why me, or what had I done to, repeated themselves over and over again in my mind as I reviewed all the events leading up to my hospitalization and then labor before the medication had sunk in (magnesium and steroids).  Why was I stuck with such a cruddy cervix?  Could I even have another child knowing they might be stuck in the NICU again?  Perhaps this is how most people think when hardships are upon them, wondering why me, but I've learned it's not helpful.  It's really damaging and useless to think about such things.  Instead, turning to the silver lining, being grateful for all that you have, a baby girl albeit it in the NICU, but healthy and coming home eventually, family and friends pouring out support and love, a hospital nearby, technology for my to be hands free during pumping, and the financial means to pay for this very expensive but necessary hospital stay.  I am indeed grateful.  It's just so easy to forget when in the midst of something difficult.  But this too shall pass.


Lex-a-roo said...

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and know that heavenly father knows you and loves you. He sent this angel to you because he knew you could do it.
Sending you hugs and prayers in your behalf.

James Wynder said...

Our prayers are with you, your family and your precious baby girl! I also echo Lex-a-roo's beautiful words: your Heavenly Father does love you and your precious baby girl, just coming down from Heaven to your family.

Larry Williams said...

So sorry your having a hard time. We wish you all the best and will pray for your little girl. I'm sure there's no better mother this little girl could come to. Thanks for posting!!

Purcell Family said...

Hi, you don't know me, but your post was forwarded to me by Lex-a-roo. I too am a member of the Preemie baby club. I have had two preemies, one at 26 weeks and one at 31. It is a tough road when you are in the NICU, and the babies are special. They have these spirits that are strong, powerful and they fight for their lives sometimes. These personality traits carry them throughout their lives. As a Mom who has been there, I wish you the best in your NICU roller coaster ride. May your little one come home soon and stay healthy. Feel free to contact me, because I have been there. Hugs!

Mariana Cruz said...

Hello. It's my first time here on the blog. I am a Brazilian Mormon blogger. I've been through what you are going through now. Our heart as a mother is very tight for having to leave the baby in the hospital, but you're always focusing on see how blessed for everything that happens around you. This is important. Have faith. Everything is moving according to the will of the Lord. Kisses.

Lauren said...

Oh, Daisy! I remember when I had London she had to stay an extra day and when they told me I burst into tears. I can't imagine the pain and frustration of having to go through so much more multiple times. You are so right on with the way you ended though; focusing on the positive and being grateful makes the burden lighter. And when we have given our all, the Lord is there to pick up the slack.

I know you posted this awhile ago, so I hope things have improved. Good luck on your adventures as mom of 3! (So crazy and so awesome!!)