Qualified to Succeed

Contrary to what my mother has told me from the beginning of my life, I feel completely not-special. Ever since arriving at the Keck School of Medicine, I have been accompanied by this strange thought that I am out of my league.

I am not one of the younger students, and yet everyone seems to have more relevant experience than me. I studied Psychology, not a hard science. I am from Utah, not from California (not that there is anything wrong with that, just that I have no idea where I am at all times, and have to start completely over with social things). I just finished my undergrad this last spring, not a couple years ago. I don't ask super-intelligent questions each lecture. And the list goes on...

After getting to know a few other students in my class of 168, I expressed how I was beginning to wonder why Keck even let me in. Some expressed feeling the same way, and everyone reminded me that I was admitted in, therefore qualified, that no mistake was made, and that the administration believed in each of us.

On occasion I have felt the same way in life. Everyone else has a better grip on life than me. Everyone else gets more out of Church than I do. Everyone else understands the Gospel better. I am the only one succumbing to the wiles of Satan. The journey is just too tough for me, and I am not equal to the task.

In those moments I am grateful for the hymn which teaches that I am a child of God. Just like the reminder that I was accepted to the school and therefore qualified, I occasionally need the reminder that before this life we all lived with God as His spirit children. We all have this opportunity on this earth because we promised we would do our best to learn of Him and to follow Him. We were qualified to come to this earth and fulfill our purpose in finding happiness, and we all have the capacity to return to live with Him. It is one of the simplest truths of the Gospel, and yet brings peace and direction in so many complicated situations. Simply put, knowing that I am a son of Heavenly Father helps me to remember the unlimited potential within me.

Where did Sophie go?

For the past 5 weeks of my life, I have had the choice opportunity to see this beautiful face almost everyday. Now instead of getting to be a manny for her I get to pack my bags and head onto USC to start medical school. Yippee.

Since Sophie's departure for San Francisco, I have realized how amazing that little booger is at bringing joy into the lives of those around her. It doesn't matter how many times I have seen her respond to inquiries about the location of her belly button; each time she lifts up her shirt to point at it, I bust up laughing. No one else does it quite the same. In fact, just showing her my belly button would be enough to get a laugh out of her.

Now, if for some reason my midriff is showing, no one is there to point and smile at my belly button. Saying dog to those around me when I see one just doesn't have the same effect without Sophie around. No one smiles. Making fun of Chinese accents would probably be offensive if I wasn't at least half Chinese. The big underbite smiles I occasionally flash just get me weird looks. Last month I felt like I was funny. Now I have just realized that Sophie was lending me the spotlight.

It's interesting how little kids are so much better at cheering the sad then we ever could be. Even with my psychology background with the extensive understanding of human nature it gives me (uh... possibly overstated), there's no way that I could light up a room like Sophie can. For Sophie, all it takes is a hearty laugh, a huge smile, a hug or kiss, or even just reaching her arms towards someone, and the recipient of her actions has never seen a brighter day. The more I ponder her ability, the more I recognize I could learn from her simple actions. What's more interesting is the insight that can be found in learning from the recipient of Sophie's love.

Hip-Hop for Good

Music is a powerful medium. Like most things, it is not inherently good or bad. Depending on one's agenda, music can uplift and inspire change, or degrade and tear down.

Ever since I popped in Jurassic 5's EP cd in my car, I have been addicted to hip-hop. Over the years I have learned that much of hip-hop, especially the mainstream hip-hop, avoids the opportunity to inspire and uplift. At best, it simply focuses on girls, cars, and money (not the best, huh?); and at worst demonstrates how music can tear down, degrade and offend. But dig a little deeper into the hip-hop scene and some good wholesome music can be found. Braille is an artist who believes in Christ, and that belief is apparent in each of his albums. One song he talks about learning from the past and starting anew. Another drives home the point time is precious, and we must make good use of it. One is basically him pleading to God to help him always recognize the ways in which he can better glorify Him. The chorus (from Everything Changed on the Box of Rhymes album):

"…if there’s darkness in my heart

please reveal it...

if I’m blind to your truth

help me see it...

if I’m numb to your love

help me feel it...

never lose the feelin’ never forget when...

everything changed.”

Another artist, Rhymefest, collaborated wtih Citizen Cope to do Bullet and a Target, which is one of my favorite songs. The song tells three different stories, all driving home a point. A Tribe Called Quest would occasionally mock some of the tough guy attitudes, which I believe they did to deter people from petty violence.

The most powerful hip-hop song that I have come across is Constance, by Mr. J. Medeiros. The lyrics carry a powerful message against pornography, and the music video helps drive the message home. If you take the time to watch it, pay close attention to the lyrics. It tells both sides of the story; how pornography ruins the lives of those exploited to produce the filth, and how the filth corrupts the lives of those that come across it.

(The video is in the post below.)

Here's Constance

Mr. J Medeiros - Constance
Free Music Videos at www.blastro.com

I'm a manny!!!

I am back at my sister's place in San Francisco. I went to church today with her and her family and was introduced in Priesthood as Sophie's manny for the next 2 weeks. I'm not sure if everyone laughed because of the witty "manny" comment of Jeff or because I'm a nanny. Both are quite comical, I guess.


Anyways, it has been an amazing week. Only one poopy diaper on my shift. If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is! Besides opening up a diaper free from feces, one of my favorite part of each day is the bike ride I get to take with Sophie. She loves looking around at nature (especially when we see a dog) I get to exercise and get tan. What more could you ask for? This last Friday, before our daily bike ride I uploaded this series of talks onto my ipod. My Stake President recommended them to my Bishop, and my Bishop (my pops) mentioned they were insightful. So I got myself a copy and finally got around to listening to it. The series is called For all eternity, by John Lund. The Stake President prefaced recommending it to my pops by saying that no marriage counseling should be done before understanding the principles within these talks.

So as I was cruising along the canal that runs along Tammy's house, I was learning what it means to be able to communicate clearly, or as John Lund puts it, to be a "content communicator." Basically, he teaches to "own our words," which can be done by being held accountable for the words we say, opposed to the way in which we say it, or the other subtle hints that we may think we are communicating (but get lost in translation). Wise counsel.

In light of my new day job, I have learned another important lesson about communication. Sophie is, as of a couple days ago, 15 months. Her hearing comprehension is limited, and her speaking ability is even more so. But over the past few days, I have learned to understand her the majority of the time. It requires a little extra effort in listening in new ways, and a little patience on her part, but it has worked so far.

Seeing Sophie succeed at communicating really makes me wonder about all those times where I had misunderstandings with those around me. I can't really see a way to avoid responsibility for any miscommunications after what Sophie has showed me. Now if I could just remember this lesson the next time it happens...

The not so little ones...

I just got home from a stinkin' awesome trip. It started with a road trip with my parents, Jen and Jordan up to Seattle to attend Justin's wedding. Seeing as my bloggin' buddies have done an ample job of reporting on the happenings in Seattle, I will refrain from expounding too much. However, I would like to add that with all the fun that was being had in Seattle, the highlight of the weekend had to be the Temple wedding. To see Justin and Jessica, two people who I love, take the first steps towards an eternal family was a sweet experience, to say the least. I wish them the best of luck!

After Seattle, my parents and I drove north of the border to visit my mom's brother and his family in Vancouver. I was excited for the visit to Vancouver for the promise of good Chinese food that little Hong Kong offers, the good golf, but more so the opportunity to visit with family that I had not seen in nearly 6 years. In fact, the last time I had seen the family the kids, Natalie and Aaron, were just 9 and 12 years old. For some reason I was still expecting to see two little ones that I could throw around. That idea was dashed soon after we got to their house and I saw Aaron come down the stairs. All remnants of that idea were destroyed when we saw Natalie awhile later. She met us at the dike, proceeded to jump out of the car, ran up, and bent over to give my mom a hug. She only bent over a quarter of an inch, but still...

Vancouver is a neat city, with a number of cool touristy spots. However, the highlight of the trip had to be Natalie and Aaron. They basically gave us a 4 day long talent show, and I am pretty sure that was just the tip of the iceberg. Aaron gave us a glimpse of his hip-hop and R&B dance moves, showed us how to ace cumulative tests without studying, and owned everyone on the Wii. Natalie did a terrific job of humbling me, by playing just a couple of songs from her vast piano repertoire. And as ironic as it is for a Chinese girl to do traditional Irish dancing, she sent wood chips flying on her home made dance floor in the garage. In addition to that, she played some Chinese harp thingy, kicked my butt in badminton, and played the violin. Whatever they feed those kids up there, I need to find me a stock supply of that when I start my own family.

We were set to leave on Thursday morning, and as Wednesday night rolled around, I could not help but to think the Lo's had just given to us the entire week. Regina and Freddy, fought with my parents over every bill, and I think with my parents' not having any Canadian cash on them, won the majority of the battles. Aaron and Natalie gave us performance after performance, and were even willing to share their rooms with us. Thankfully, late Wednesday night, after all the parents were asleep, Natalie and Aaron snuck over to my room to chit-chat. Over the course of our conversation I was grateful for the chance to give a little back, as I was able to share my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. After seeing how much those kids have accomplished, it was probably the only thing I had to offer them, but if there was only one thing which I could share, it would be that.

During the long drive home, I reflected upon the experience and recognized that as small and simple as my testimony was, the Spirit was present. I kept thinking how I could have explained more, or answered more questions, but I was reminded that it is through small and simple things that great things come to pass. Seeing as those two are no strangers to great things, I can only imagine what's in store.

Overcoming the Shanks

Tonight I was reminded the beauty of hitting golf balls in the evening. After a full day of running errands, the sun was still up, so I ran over to Cascades to hit a bucket of balls. I have been struggling with my golf game quite a bit lately, so in addition to the relaxing effect of hitting balls, I was hoping to get my game moving in the right direction. I stretched and hit the first few balls decently. I then proceeded to shank a couple of 8-irons. For those of you who do not know what it means to shank an 8-iron, feel free to check out this video.

Shanks, unlike its depiction in Tin Cup, is a lot less of a psychological problem as it is a slight movement of the head forward on the downswing. When your head moves forward, the club does as well, and instead of catching the ball on the clubface, you catch it on the hosel, and the result is quite despicable. Anyways, after shanking a couple, it became quite obvious that I was not keeping my head still. So for the next couple of shots, my swing thought was to see the ground after the ball had been struck. Simple enough, right? With that swing thought I was started buttering the ball. I do not think I have hit one shot all year as well as I hit some of the balls tonight.

When I got back in my car, I was pretty frustrated. This whole golf season, I have struggled to put together a decent round. I worked on my swing plane, adjusted my set-up, checked my shaft positions, and yet consistent ball-striking continued to elude me. All I had to do was focus on one simple thought that could be heard anywhere someone is learning to play golf: “keep your head down.” In fact, even people who just start golf give that advice to others who can not seem to make solid contact. And here I am, someone who shot 70 a couple times just last season, thinking that I am somehow above focusing on the most basic principle of good ball-striking. Funny thing is that one numerous occasions this year I have recognized head movement during my swing. Instead of focusing on redeveloping a good habit of keeping my head still, I just tried a quick fix that would always work for a shot or two, just long enough for me to think that I resolved the problem, and mis-attribute my next bad shot to something else.

Seems like in life Satan is pretty good at getting us to avoid the basics, and look beyond the mark. Instead of just focusing on faith in Jesus Christ and repentance, Satan gets us to be more concerned with irrelevant, and often times unanswerable questions. In the process, we miss the mark, stumble, and wonder how that can be when we are trying so hard. When we are finally able to see, we recognize the simplicity of the answer; and at least for me, the feeling is one of frustration at all the lost time when the solution was so simple. But seeing as life is a learning process, as long as we learn our lesson, it is not lost time, but valuable experience.