Monday, April 27, 2009

Maybe...Maybe Not...

Maybe it was hormonal.
Maybe it was something I ate.
Maybe it was environmental.
Maybe it was a chemical imbalance.
Maybe it was pyschological.
Maybe it was just a fleeting moment.
Maybe it was nuerological.

Maybe not.

It was overwhelmingly coincidental, emotionally touching and shockingly alarming.

The first time I felt it.. what Mormons call the Holy Spirit or Ghost... was all of the above and more. It's an uncontrollable swelling in your chest, a large sigh of *crap, is this really happening and just pure insanity. I actually prefer to call it the Holy Spirit because Holy Ghost just sounds scary...although I suppose that's the best description --scary. It's amazingly, surprinsingly and completely scary and it touched me and changed me.

At first.. I told myself maybe. Maybe I just needed it and was making it up. But that's if it happened once. Maybe twice. And this was definitely more than once or twice.

As I began investigating the Church (Mormons call us "investigators"), I was told of the Holy Spirit's power and how "by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things" (Moroni 10:5) which baffled me. In fact, I think I thought WTF. Yes.. there's a curse word in that acronmyn. What do you mean pray to know and find out for myself? Aren't you supposed to tell me what to believe? Nope. Mormons don't tell you what to believe. They teach you about their Gospel, their doctrines and then... it's up to you to pray about it and find out for yourself.

So I did that.

I prayed.

And I prayed.

And then sometimes I forgot... but then when I remembered, I prayed some more.

And it wasn't immediate.

It wasn't consistent.

But it happened.

I got an answer. Not a literal God's almighty voice appearing in the flesh in front of me.. but I got my answer. Or answers. Because.. if you know me, you know I'm full of questions.

1 comment:

grosven said...

I like this! Reminds me of my own story!