Wednesday, May 6, 2009

When It Rains... it Pours...

I used to always joke about how when it rains... it pours... except applied to men. I'm not alone in that saying because how many times do all the guys start calling when your heart has begun to settle on one? How many times do all your ex's seem to be interested in reconnecting when you have just started seeing someone? How many times do random guys ask for your number when you're taken but nobody even looks your way when you're not?

Well, the saying hasn't diminished much and the same holds true but instead.. I can now apply it to the adversary. In laymen's terms, the adversary is everything going against me, also known as oppossition. And first opposition starts out as a trickle--that bit of rainfall that you can wipe off your forehead without so much as a bit of a smudge. But almost within seconds, picture that precise moment when you tilt your head upwards to look into the sky and all of a sudden, the tiny cute raindrops have manifested themselves into humongous raindrops attacking your face with each splatter that engulfs your face, soaking it until you are struggling for air.

Temptation overwhelms me daily. I'm too scared to admit it's the adversary or Satan... I prefer to think it's just the temptation of the world trying to coax me back towards where I was. And where I was.. was not bad. I just choose to avoid those same temptations in order to be happier because this makes me happier and I have no judgment towards those who don't consider what are temptations to me, temptation.

The biggest misconception with religion are the things that religion makes someone do. Religion does not MAKE me do anything. I CHOOSE to live my life according to His commandments. I CHOOSE. Nobody MAKES me. Living by these commandments is a process, not an event. So yes, maybe I falter. Please don't point your finger and call me a hypocrite right away. It's the process of continual repentance which is not just knowing I did someting wrong and asking for forgiveness, but sincerely committing to avoid making those same mistakes again.

I'm sure my non-LDS friends are wondering... so I will take this time to answer. Yes, I do miss alcohol at times. And yes, I do think about cracking open a bottle of wine and drinking it by myself. But then I think...and then what? Start blogging about everything that is sad in my life by spinning humor on it and make someone else laugh while I have a pity party for one? No thank you. Misery loves company.. but I prefer to be the company for happiness because that's pretty awesome as well. I do also think about the times when I'm with friends saki bombing or just having a sip of wine over dinner and those times are so great, I am confident it is the same with or without the wine. I can be buzzed over the greatness of being with great people instead of losing my judgment and drunk dialing or texting random people.

And yes, there is a little bit of every Sex and the City character in me who will slowly wither away and as prudish or unfun as you may think that is... I think it's pretty amazing. The inappropriate Samantha, the confused Carrie, the by-the-rules to get married Charlotte and the professionally focused Miranda are and will always be a part of me... but my city is now sexless and promises to be committed, worthwhile and emotionally fulfilling.

Some might call it a coping mechanism. When it pours, floods come about and coping is not enough. I can't just tread water for a couple of minutes and hope the water dries out. I don't want to swim around aimlessly until I'm too tired to move. And I definitely don't want to drown. I want to float. I want to live... and live happily. So I call it the living mechanism. My living mechanism is through Him and I do not choose to call upon Him only in my time of need. I call upon Him everyday and ask for His blessing and strength and continue to strengthen my faith in Him.

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