I used to laugh when I watched television shows where women planning their weddings would blow up at silly things and drama ensued. I used to laugh at the concept of these girls who would let the littlest things get to them while planning their wedding.
... and then... I got engaged and started planning a wedding. And though I refuse to consider myself a bridezilla.. it's kinda funny when things don't go your way and you think .. shucks.... or man! or ... *sigh. kinda like a passive aggressive Bridezilla....?.... maybe not... but it definitely is a catchy blog title!
It's not hard to plan a wedding. It's actually really easy. I'm not being sarcastic. I actually really like the planning aspect of it. I really enjoy researching different vendors, talking to different ones, and then doing my best to find a reasonably priced caterer, picking out cute, colorful and cheap bridesmaid dresses that actually WILL be worn again, selecting a theme of style, motif and incorporating elements and styles of us, choosing my centerpieces, room decorations and flowers, finding a cheap but good Chinese cake, designing the invitations and figuring our the best way to compile a list for the addresses (google documents does wonders), etc.... I mean, seriously, I could get into event planning and have a ball! But.... the hard part, for me at least, is the realization that ... I just can't do it alone because when it comes down to it...I'm kinda part of the actual day.
In the past, whenever I've planned corporate events from team dinners to market team happy hours, it's consisted of researching venues, booking a place, selecting a menu or setting up a contract, sending out invites, sending out reminders and then getting to the event early and well, making sure nothing goes wrong through the event. I've enjoyed myself every time but come to think of it... I've never stopped checking up on things or stopped communicating with the restaurant contact on what we need next.
So naturally.. when it comes to the wedding... I guess ... I really can't expect the same...
Gulp. BIG gulp.
I have problems delegating. I am the worst leader. Good leaders know how to lead by example AND delegate. I can only do the former. And...I have a fear of delegation. I know - it's synonymous with micromanagement. But the first step towards improvement is acknowledging the flaw.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not a perfectionist. I know things will go wrong and I'm not expecting everything to be perfect. But ... at the same time... if something happens that could have been prevented had the person in charge been more responsible and aware, that will irk me. Not being able to be the person in charge to prevent that sucks big time.
The only thing that doesn't suck... is the realization that when I can.. I should offer others more help. My service should be offered to others whenever possible because in those instances, I can actually help.
You won't always have the capacity to serve others, even if you want to... and that reality is a bit awful. But if someone needed help sewing together table linens... I wouldn't be able to help them. No matter how much I wanted to offer them my help, I'd be helpless. If someone needed help playing the violin, I'd also be useless because I quit playing after a year and a half. BUT, if they asked me to help them with their resume... I'd be right on it! If they asked me how to organize a budget, I'd be all over it!
Right now, I can't serve myself and it's a really uneasy thought that I do have to learn to trust others and ask for help. But more importantly, in the meantime, I can service others to the best of my ability. I can continue to fulfill my visiting teaching responsibilities, I can make sure I'm reaching out to my co-chair and we're planning FHE for our Ward timely and I can ensure I am sharing knowledge with others at work. So far.... I've shared all my wedding spreadsheets, commonly visited websites and other ah-ha! moments with other brides to be in my ward and even though I know they can get the same advice anywhere but me... it feels nice sharing. I hope I can always look to the good moments of being a bride to be and stop having any semi Bridezilla moments and instead, just enjoy the journey leading up to the wonderful day and adventure I'll have for all time and eternity.
sharing is caring.. even for bridezillas.