I've been trying to balance between the two, because I don't want to only make light of difficult situations, but I want to also be positive and lead my children by example (cuz even though I want to whine, I really hate it when my kids do...). I also don't want to perpetuate a vicious cycle of settling for kids who don't listen and me as a screeching yelling upset and overworked mom. I don't think it's just a stage, I think there is a way to happiness, or being better, it just takes some humble hard work and change, something that is never comfortable or welcoming, but often key. And yet I have to be careful that I'm not too chipper, too excited about every chore and task I have on my long list because if I'm truly frustrated, I want to express that and show my kids that we can work through our emotions, even the hard ones, and more importantly, I don't want to be fake and just say it's okay when it isn't. I want my kids to learn that being an adult and parent is hard, but we can work through it.
I want to whine to my friends, but then I want to brainstorm with them how I can be better.
I want to talk about those moments of frustration when I can't believe I made it through and just wanted to curse really loudly because nothing could free me from the situation at hand, but then I want to laugh about it and put it behind me.
I want to be a happy mom, but then I want my kids to contribute to that by helping out around the house and doing what they're asked to do in a timely manner.
I want to value the good in every situation, but then I don't want it to always be because things could be worse.
I want to laugh out loud with my kids, so hard that I am snorting and wheezing with tears streaming down my eyes, but then I want to be serious when we're doing homework or practicing and developing good habits to arm them for the future.
I want to be positive with every bad meal I cook, shrunken clothes I've washed and messy drawer that becomes, but then I want to look towards the next opportunity I have to overcome my own shortcomings.
I want to be of joy.
I want my kids to love me, not because I'm their mom and it's a default emotion, but because they genuinely love being with me and learning from me, and can't wait to spend more time with me.
I want to take those not so great moments of parenthood that I often gripe about and turn them into a learning experience where I can slowly survive... quickly continue... and hopefully consistently thrive.
I want to be better. For them. And who am I kidding.. for me too.