The Fine Line Between Good and Bad

I've been thinking a lot lately about that delicate balance of being a happy and frustrated mom.  On one hand, there's the knowledge that silver linings, tender mercies, and gratitude help to shape a much more delightful experience, attitude and overall perspective.  On the other hand, being cautiously realistic and pessimistic, groaning about the woes of motherhood seem to provide ample opportunity for bonding with other parents since we're all in essentially the same boat and relieve ourselves from feeling alone in tough situations.

I've been trying to balance between the two, because I don't want to only make light of difficult situations, but I want to also be positive and lead my children by example (cuz even though I want to whine, I really hate it when my kids do...).  I also don't want to perpetuate a vicious cycle of settling for kids who don't listen and me as a screeching yelling upset and overworked mom.  I don't think it's just a stage, I think there is a way to happiness, or being better, it just takes some humble hard work and change, something that is never comfortable or welcoming, but often key.  And yet I have to be careful that I'm not too chipper, too excited about every chore and task I have on my long list because if I'm truly frustrated, I want to express that and show my kids that we can work through our emotions, even the hard ones, and more importantly, I don't want to be fake and just say it's okay when it isn't.  I want my kids to learn that being an adult and parent is hard, but we can work through it.

I want to whine to my friends, but then I want to brainstorm with them how I can be better.

I want to talk about those moments of frustration when I can't believe I made it through and just wanted to curse really loudly because nothing could free me from the situation at hand, but then I want to laugh about it and put it behind me.

I want to be a happy mom, but then I want my kids to contribute to that by helping out around the house and doing what they're asked to do in a timely manner.

I want to value the good in every situation, but then I don't want it to always be because things could be worse.

I want to laugh out loud with my kids, so hard that I am snorting and wheezing with tears streaming down my eyes, but then I want to be serious when we're doing homework or practicing and developing good habits to arm them for the future.

I want to be positive with every bad meal I cook, shrunken clothes I've washed and messy drawer that becomes, but then I want to look towards the next opportunity I have to overcome my own shortcomings.

I want to be of joy.

I want my kids to love me, not because I'm their mom and it's a default emotion, but because they genuinely love being with me and learning from me, and can't wait to spend more time with me.

I want to take those not so great moments of parenthood that I often gripe about and turn them into a learning experience where I can slowly survive... quickly continue... and hopefully consistently thrive.

I want to be better.  For them.  And who am I kidding.. for me too.