A Week of Maternity Leave...Almost Over!

How did time go so fast? Next thing you know, I'll be with baby, he'll be walking, then talking, then he'll be a teen, then off to college, going on his mission, getting married - I can hardly believe how fast time goes by! I'll be a grandmother in no time!

This week has been full of many adventures! Lunch and boba with family (cousins, brother, mother), errand running at Target and Costco, paperwork at home, laundry, dishes, baby prep, car stuff and many phone calls. Oh yeah, and freak out moments galore. Hehe. I am getting more and more emotional, after watching a ParentsTV video about how to give your baby a bath, I got teary eyed. Ha!

Tomorrow, I'm returning back to my hometown for some lunch, shopping, and hanging out with my mum and brother. I don't think my brother's too excited about being an Uncle, at least he doesn't seem it thus far. Maybe it's the age difference, but hopefully one look at the baby, and he will melt!

On the downside, one disappointing thing about maternity leave so far is that Andy got sick. So what little free time we have together, he is resting and recuperating. But we're still treasuring the moments we have together and excited for our life to soon morph into baby life!

The Special Pregnant Lady at the Gym

I think everyone is scared of me at the gym because of my big belly. But I rather enjoy going every now and then (about once a week before maternity leave, maybe 3 times now?) to use the machines - particularly the elliptical, the treadmill and the stationary bicycle. At first, my stomach was safely concealed in my college sweatshirts and it was only after I took it off that the stares would come my way. It made me feel special, noticed, and well... pregnant, but happy pregnant. Like.. HAHA I'm working out at the same speed as you sucker!! Lately, I'm so big that even a sweatshirt won't hide the bump, so upon checking in, I always get at minimum, a stranger commenting on how dedicated I am or the front desk clerks telling me congratulations and asking me when I'm due. It's kind of nice to be the special pregnant lady at the gym and I will be a bit bummed when the baby is just a layer of fat waiting to be shed off.

Today, I was not just the special pregnant lady at the gym. Today, I was the special pregnant lady at the gym who rode her bicycle so fast and hard while finishing up the second book of the Hunger Games - Catching Fire. I won't lie - I already knew the ending - I couldn't wait to get my hands on the book during Thanksgiving when I read the first one so I googled the synopsis for the second and third books. I tend to do that a lot - I ruin the ending by googling it first (did it for The Next Three Days and Taken - both highly recommended action thriller movies). I guess I like to know what to expect.

... which would be why I have overdone myself with indulging in pregnancy info. I know things never go as we expect - but you can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst, 50% effort 50% opportunity, but I still like to be as prepared as possible. It's why the husband and I have been purchasing gallons of water every week and some extra can fooded items from Costco. We want to not only heed the Prophet's warning about proper food storage, but also, just be ready for if disaster should ever strike. I wish I had stored up on gas with the rising prices these days. Yikes!

Maternity leave has been awesome so far. I get to be the special pregnant lady at the gym more often, I get to cross things off my list, and I get to enjoy the time when Baby goes with me everywhere and anywhere with minimal effort (cuz he's still in my tums). My bedtime is 11 PM and tomorrow I'll be venturing off to Manhattan Beach for some errands and the coastline. It will be nice! I like maternity leave and I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone!

Can you tell I'm preggers? (if you look closely at my "WOW" photo - you'll notice my husband is just a "WOU" - go figure...


How about now?

Okay fine.. but now you really can!

I Admit.. I Am Not a Pleasant Pregnant Woman Right Now

I didn't think it was necessary to really start packing a hospital bag - it was on my list of 35 things to do while on maternity leave, but in terms of priority - it was pretty low on the totem pole. And then, two of my subscribed pregnancy newsletters shocked me with a Have You Packed Your Hospital Bag alerts this morning. Eek! No.... I have indeed not!

Scrambling, I quickly pulled out a piece of paper and starting making a list. Andy came home from his 5 AM - 8 AM shift around 9:30 AM and instead of greeting him with a hug, a kiss or even a smile, I tersely demanded, "What hospital snacks do you want?" He pondered it for a while... and in my inpatient pregnant mode of attack, I demanded to know and repeated myself with, "What hospital snacks do you want?!" He sensed my urgency (or my hormones acting up) and responded happily with, "Tostitos!" So I continued, "and what kind of drink?" to which he casually replied, "Any drink will do," ........ "Can you please just pick a drink?" I begged. Maybe he could sense my desperation. "Gatorade," he said. He definitely couldn't. "What color Gatorade?!" I asked.... "Umm..... Gatarade or Spirte," hmmmm maybe he wasn't getting it. "Red Gatorade!" he declared, fine - good, now it is written down except I scribbled Red Gatorade/Spirte. "And sweet snacks?" I persisted, "Ummm... oreos!" Without even realizing it, I retorted with "Ewww" and he said, "Well, put something you would like too like Nila Wafers." That's better, except it won't matter because I can't eat them. Apparently, in labor, I'm only allowed ice chips, apple juice, orange juice, cranberry juice, or water. Delicious! But I suppose I can eat something after - though I'll most likely be making food requests from outside of the hospital especially since Saladang is nearby as is 21 Choices. *trickle tapping my fingers together mischievously like Mr. Burns in the Simpsons.

So far, I've packed my toiletries, the Flip, the digital camera, and a pack of cards. I will still have to gather some change of clothes for me, the baby and Andy, get some missing toiletry items like lotion and chapstick that I prefer (if there's time), a fan?, some bed pillows, a list of those I have been instructed to call while on the way to the hospital, get started on my playlist of music and Conference talks, and create a DVD list for Andy. I guess that means one of us is bringing our computer (there's free internet in the rooms!). I am also going to follow my sister in law's advice and get a cheap terry cloth dress from Target that I can wear while in the hospital, because the blood will most likely destroy everything and probably some cheap comfy slippers that I won'tcare for afterwards. Do I need to bring a towel, shampoo, a loofa and some body scrub? Am I even allowed to shower in the hospital or do I even want to? I have not a clue.

Meanwhile, I can't figure out my insurance options, which means I can't pick a pediatrician which means my birth plan is still incomplete and I do not even want to deal with my CPA renewal stuff until later but I've also been advised I am required by policy to sign up for the AICPA, yet another thing to add to my list, but if the baby comes, I won't have time to do this later!! I still have to get the car maintenance, the cars washed (not in this gloomy overcast weather though) I'm still waiting until next week for a haircut and pedicure (if our budget allows), and I still have to change my name on a ton of accounts. Instead, I really just want to do the fun stuff like making the wall decor for the baby's room or planning my Easter Sunday dinner menu.

So I'm all in all, not a very pleasant pregnant woman right now. Which makes me think... if this part is already difficult, how much harder will the baby in my life be? Will I be able to do it? Won't it just absolutely suck for a while? Will I break down and just cry for no reason? What if I get post partum depression? What if?

I guess the what if's don't matter because this is. Like it or not, he's coming soon and like it or not, I do not know how much time I have until he comes - so until then, I will just keep on trucking, and in the meantime, remember to be of good cheer. Other people have had it worse. Jesus had it a lot worse and this Easter weekend reminds me that even though he was scorned, laughed at, mocked, and betrayed, he is our Savior and he made the ultimate sacrifice for us. Andy and I have been studying the Old Testament leading up to his Resurrection and it makes me so angry and sad that he had to go through that. I have to remember when things get tough for me and when I'm the unpleasant pregnant woman, that Jesus knows my pain, he suffered so he could know and he will help lift those burdens above me if I persevere, am faithful and do those simple and little things that help me be of good cheer.

Honesty is Always the Best Policy

Or is it? Andy and I noticed a fairly larger direct deposit in our checking account from work back in January that was inconsistent with our normal earnings. Upon looking into it more, we realized there was a mistake. We did not deserve this money. We received way more than we should have! Could it be a blessing from the Lord? Could it be a tender mercy? Or... could it be a simple mistake?

We decided it only made sense to report the over earning that was not rightly ours. So with that decision, I moved forward to call and report the overpayment. After numerous long and very excruciating phone calls to the Shared Service Center, I was advised that I owed the Firm more than just the overpayment. They were wrong. I looked at the info over and over and no matter how many times I reviewed it, reconciled it and analyzed it, they were wrong. Determined, I called Shared Services back and reported THEIR error. Three calls later (and three months also!), they finally concluded that they did not have enough information and would need my HR representative to call in with more details.

Now normally that would not be an issue and I would not hesitate. But there is one time during the year when HR is overwhelmingly busy and that one time, for almost every HR person that exists... is annual performance review time. And guess what time period we are in right now? So now, I've created more work for my HR on top of her already very demanding schedule and tight deadlines and she is asking me.. "how did this come up" while I try to explain I was just trying to be honest. ..... ... ...

So is honesty always the best policy?

I tend to think yes because as horrible as the situation has become, as much as I did not want to punt the problem into her court, the commitment to be honest builds character and lends to a routine lifestyle of integrity.

There's often a debate that small white lies meant to protect everyone, are simply harmless. I would generally disagree. Those lies are just perpetuating a cycle of justification, a means to help us convince ourselves that our less than honest response was okay. And then we continue onto other larger, but still small white lies. And soon, we are tangled in a web of dishonesty, unable to break away from the mastery of deceit we have created for ourselves!!! Okay.. maybe I'm exaggerating just a little. ...

But, I will give one example I heard at Church today.. one example of a "gray" situation where lying was described as an okay response. The story goes like this: For one lady's job, she was in charge of determining whether the temp would be hired for full time after an initial time commitment. She decided one temp candidate would not be a good fit and was not intending on hiring her. She then received a call for a job application this temp was applying for elsewhere and was struggling with whether or not debrief on the temp's characteristics which contributed to her own decision not to hire her. She was relieved that she was not asked if she would recommend this person for hire, and instead spoke only to her positive attributes (which she subsequently gave light on the fact that the over abundance of her quiet and reserved manner made her hard to work with on a team and an unfit leader for the group - but only to us, not to the reference seeker). But, she concluded, she did not lie, and, she continued, she helped the temp get a job and simply only spoke to the truths that she knew of.

Let me just say - sometimes when you hear things you disagree with - you have to quickly decide whether to comment or to just digest it. I personally.. was shocked. That, in my book, is a complete and absolute lie. And maybe because I am dealing with difficult staff, feedback and performance issues on a daily basis, and maybe because I myself am trying to hire more capable candidates for my team and maybe because if I were in the shoes of the person calling, I would feel - quite frankly - manipulated. So maybe I'm a lil closer to her example than most people, but I think it's fair to say, leading people in any way to believing something that is not true, is dishonest and in this particular situation, I think she was dishonest and I do not think it's a gray situation. I am not one to stay quiet, and had there been enough time, I was about to make a comment (even at the risk of offending this nice woman) but I decided I'd rather get out of class on time (it's hot, I'm pregnant, I need to pee ALWAYS, you get the point).

But this is what I wish I would have had the patience and courage to say. I would have recommended her to give the inquirer the positive attributes she noted, and then comment that in full disclosure, these attributes did not help her succeed in this particular environment but given some coaching and help, she may have had the potential opportunity to demonstrate she could have been better. I don't know the entire situation - maybe they did try to help her and she failed, but I do know that in her perspective, she has helped this temp obtain a new job. Yay! One that if she is not a good fit for, she will loose eventually. Boo! Get my drift?

It's hard to have a difficult conversation with someone telling them that the job just ain't cut out for them. Trust me.. it's my job and it ain't easy. I have to daily tell staff that frankly, their work is not consistent with the expectations, give them meaningful but hard feedback and tell them if they've been kicked off a job and to shape up or get out. I have had to tell staff that they are unfortunately, dressed unprofessionally or not developing relationships the way they should be in order to succeed. Nobody likes hearing they suck. But who likes thinking they're the best when in reality, everyone thinks you suck? Which would you prefer?

Let's face it - there are a ton of situations that are hard to be honest in. When my mom asks me if I've eaten any watermelon, it's a lot easier to lie that I have not! When my good friend asks me if I like her new purse that she spent a lot of money on that I am quite frankly not a fan of, it's a lot easier to say, "How cute!" And when I spend all day cooking a new dish and Andy rates it as a mediocre dish, it is hard! And it should be - telling the truth is hard sometimes! But there is a benefit to it.

Before we think that we are the exception every time and justify to ourselves why our little white lie is harmless, we should think of how we would feel given we were in the shoes of the person we're about to white lie to. My mom will have to understandably acknowledge that I can't follow every single piece of advice she gives me, even if in her mind, it is for my benefit. My friend has to respect that our tastes are different, and if she likes the purse that her hard earned money went towards, who cares what I think?! And, I'd much rather know Andy is not a fan of the dish so I won't make it again and can try other things. But the truth is, honesty is always the best policy, we just have to be cognizant of how we deliver the truth, how we approach it, and make sure that we are striving to be more honest.

Part of that is learning to be pure in thought. You can't just confuse being honest with being blunt, and criticizing others for every wrong you see, ever disagreement you have. It's sort of like training our minds not to criticize in a mean manner so that when someone asks us what we are thinking, the truth is not some harsh reality of how mean we are. So .. almost as if your thoughts are pure and loving, not bitingly sarcastic and hurtful so that being honest about who you are is not a difficult thing to do.

Early on in the pregnancy, when we had not told a soul about the baby growing inside my tummy, my brother-in-law sensed something was up. We were with the family getting ice cream when he boldly demanded, "Are you guys pregnant?" and my cute husband, shocked and unable to tell even a small white lie then, just stared with his deer caught by a headlight gaze while I blurted out, "No, of course not!" It was so easy for me to tell that white lie while Andy just gave it away with his face and continued eating his ice cream. That incident made me think about the little white lies that we tell so easily without thinking there is any harm. And really, there won't be sometimes! But we should at least consider the potential of both sides before we do tell a lie because honesty is always the best policy! Yes, even the best of policies are broken for special one time circumstances - just make sure your exception makes sense before you do so. I know all I can do is make sure the Spirit is with me when I am the exception and aim to make honesty a habit.

I Need a Big HAT for Easter!

My family doesn't celebrate Easter. The most we ever celebrated was a trip to the Santa Anita Race Track for some free Easter giveaways and an Easter Egg Hunt in our backyard one year. Beyond that, the neighbors would always give my brother and me cute lil Easter baskets, goodies or gifts - but after about 3 years, they stopped. In my 20's, Easter meant cute floral Spring dresses with a big hat and maybe an Easter day brunch. No Church, no Saviour, nothing beyond cute, fun and maybe some Easter eggs or bunnies.

Last year, Easter was the same weekend as General Conference and Andy's family was visiting. We were still engaged, but I got to spend both days with his family watching Conference, hanging out, enjoying all the Easter goodies (I even made an Easter bag of fun for my now nieces and cousin-in-laws), watching my now niece run around the house looking for princess Easter eggs, and most importantly, remembering the significance of Easter.

This year, the only family we have nearby is my family and they don't celebrate Easter. We won't be seeing Andy's side of the family and well... that means Easter with just the two of us?

Maybe.. maybe not.. but as Andy and I were discussing what to do for Easter, I exclaimed, "I need a BIG hat for Easter!" You see, it had become such a staple of my Easters before that I said it so naturally as if it was just another item on my checklist for Easter. When Andy asked me why, I stammered to attempt to explain that that's what Easter meant to me for a long time - big hats (and mimosa brunches).

Well, I don't know what exactly we're doing yet. I don't know who we'll be spending it with besides each other... but I do know I'd like to attempt the following menu;

Sparkling Mango Lemonade
Deviled Eggs
Grilled Rosemary Lamb Chops
Mango Chicken Salad
Honey Lemon Carrots
Creamy Sweet Potatoes with Marshmellows on Top
Carrot Cake

Looks like we might have to invite some people over huh? And maybe we can have a WASPy theme - of big HATS, floral dresses, seer sucker suits, Brittany Spear hats, suspenders, bow ties, and polka dots!

Alas, as long as we remember what the importance of the day is. Not bunnies, not eggs, not big hats.. but the Savior, his resurrection and eternal life. I'm sure it will be hard to teach lil Jordan this when all his eyes will see are the easter eggs, treats and bunny... but lucky for us, we will have more than just a day to teach him about it. We will have Family Home Evenings to teach, to talk about the meaning of Easter, and for myself this year, I can try to prepare all the yummy food before Sunday so we are focused in Church and can come home to a wonderful Easter meal to celebrate our Savior and remember him.

A Glimpse of My Prego Life

I started my day with a bowl of Fiber One, a recent purchase due to the increased constipation as of late (it comes with the hormonal changes). I then worked from home (thank goodness for a job that allows me to do so) and met my mom for lunch at Chipotle. It was her first time at Chipotle so I offered to order for her but after sitting and staring at the menu for a while, she ran to me and let me know she wanted a steak salad and we both ate every single bit in our bowls and I got a to go burrito for Andy. During lunch, she reminded me of the chicken I would have to eat after giving birth. She then reminded me of all the protein I was to eat and offered to bring me some peanut and walnut soup next week (I think it's a Chinese thing) and asked me if I was eating my swallow's nest every day as instructed. I have been. Then, to my surprise and joy, my mom gave me 10 oranges and a juicer! I have been wanting a juicer for so long and I finally got one - and the kind that is easy to use and similar to the one we had growing up. I went home and immediately made 3 cups of OJ.

But before I got home, I stopped by Target to return the foot spa I got that was a lie from the image on the box! You see, for quite some time now, I had been meaning to buy a plastic container I could use to soak my feet in. I devised a plan to go to 99 cent store but there, the only containers big enough had holes in them (colanders of some sort). So the one I got from Target seemed like just this - except it actually came with a cord and a plug to make bubbles and keep the water warm! This isn't what I wanted! But I'm adventurous.. I'm spontaneous... so I decided to give it a shot. After just one use, I easily concluded - it's going back.

Back at home, OJ consumed, work day fulfilled, scripture study with the hubby done, good-bye said to the hubby for his overnight call, I looked at my now softer (temporarily) feet and decided to paint my nails. I had gotten a bunch of free nail polish from some friends who had the VIP discount from OPI Products and still had not yet dived into any of 'em! I shrieked with joy in anticipation.

Unfortunately....

the



STOMACH or BABY


got



in



the


.
.
......
..
.
........

WAY!!!!!.

Exceedingly hard.... and as such, I have added a pedicure to my list of "to do's" during maternity leave before the baby comes (I also need to cut my so long hair that it's almost at my waist, finish our taxes, figure out insurance for the baby, go to Baby Depot at Burlington, wash the baby's clothes, get the carseat, clear the baby's room, .... etc....).

At the defeat of painting my own toes, I got dinner ready for myself. Five meatballs and a sandwich with arugula, tomato and cheese.. ahh dinner on my own. I know I know. It's weird. But it's so good - and with the leftover tomatoes, I put a tablespoon of sugar on - soooo good, another favorite from my childhood.

So now, I just need to fold the rest of the clean laundry from three nights ago, continue making the flag pennant for Baby Jordan's wall behind his crib while watching prime time TV, enjoy a coconut popsicle, take a shower, and continue reading my book of selection (while watching the baby move around in my stomach from the corner of my eye). It's not as fun as when Andy is around but this will be his second to last overnight call for third year... and with that... we got through the crazy overnight calls during third year.

And tomorrow, I will wake up .... work out... go to the doctor.... and then to the office for my office baby shower lunch, one meeting, and .... I'm done! Maternity leave begins!

And so... even a glimpse into my prego life immediately demonstrates how normal, yet unnormal it is. Being pregnant isn't that different from being not pregnant. It's easy taking the baby with me everywhere. Once he comes - now that will be a different story!

The 20 Minute Digression

Tonight, Andy and I went to a lactation class sponsored by the hospital where I'm delivering. Though I have a free consultant that I can call anytime for questions up to a year (courtesy of work benefits) and lactation consultants at the hospital are free prior to your departure, my doctor had made the suggestion for us to take a class when I told her I wanted to breastfeed. She said part of the battle is educating yourself, not getting tired, not giving up, knowing how to remedy things if they went sour, etc. and that my spouse would be an important supporter of the process since I would be so devastatingly tired, I would resort to formula in a heartbeat if given the chance. Then she told me my job for the first 6 weeks was to be the baby's source of food.. and that was IT. She even stressed what that meant by further telling me any free time I had, I was to sleep and energize myself for the next feeding and to leave the cooking, cleaning, even diaper changing, to others! Sweet deal - I'm in!

So at class today, they started off by telling us all the positive aspects of breastfeeding. To my limited knowledge, it was more economical and the savings would be great and it just seems natural, so why not right?... but apparently, there are also a ton of health benefits that go along with it and to my surprise, studies have shown that boys who breastfeed are able to develop their speech earlier than boys who don't, that was it - sign me up, I'm in! We then dove into the topic of what to eat while breastfeeding and to my surprise, the restrictions are quite consistent with the current pregnancy list.

To my disappointment, I will have to say no to sashimi, deli meat, and soft cheeses for another year (if I make it that long breastfeeding). During this topic of conversation, someone asked if beer was okay. I guess it's an old wives' tale that beer is good for the baby (maybe from the wheat?) but the myth was quickly disposed of and I then proceeded to ask about about peanut butter which I have been feeling guilty about eating so much of lately. What if my son develops a peanut allergy because of my peanut butter obsession? Ugh. It would be very difficult to live with that! And it would probably be enough to throw me into the weirdo pool with Andy as someone who doesn't eat peanut butter (weird, right?!)

The instructor told us that my baby, along with every other pregnant lady in the room who had indulged in peanut butter while pregnant, had children who had already been exposed to peanut butter. *gasp - it's too late! But then, as quick as you can say peanut butter, we got back to the topic of alcohol and how much of it can be consumed while pregnant.

There is so much debate about how much wine one can drink while pregnant - to the point where I have heard a glass here or there is fine - I know so and so who did it, etc. etc. but just yesterday, I saw on the news (I know, not always the most credible, but hear me out) that new studies show drinking moderately during the first trimester can lead to infant death syndrome. Eeek! That doesn't sound so safe anymore, now does it?!

Well, this is the funny part. Our instructor kept telling everyone that all things in moderation were okay, but kept getting more follow up questions thrown at her such as - how long between feedings before you can drink another glass of wine, so do you drink after you feed or before? Alcohol was no stranger to me before I found the gospel and learned of the Word of Wisdom, but even when I put myself into my old shoes and thought of whether this was a reasonable question, I had to stifle a laugh. Were these people serious? Did they not realize that there were greater sacrifices being made on behalf of this lil being that would soon join their families?

The instructor went on to explain that if you drank more than one glass of wine, you should probably pump and throw the next milk you have away - which led to more questions of exactly how much wine you could drink over the course of a day, a week, the year, for that matter. I sat there, quite amused and quite sad that we had just digressed for 20 minutes into discussions of something that was recommended against in the first place, when the teacher brought up this...

"Well," she started off, "there are also other reasons besides polluting your baby with alcohol that you would not want to drink that much while breastfeeding such as the safety of your baby, your ability to function as a mother, etc." HA. Now that is funny. That really hit the nail in the wall.

And then, to my disbelief, we continued down the same road of useless questions, only this time - about caffeine - but mainly coffee and what types of coffee one could drink, what sizes, from where (one person actually researched ahead of time that a Starbucks 20 oz Venti is 300 mg of caffeine) and the instructor had to resort to - "Well, if your kid gets jittery, it's probably time to limit it a bit. Moderation folks.. moderation." The funnier thing is - I think our class struggled with defining what moderation really meant.

People often wonder why Mormons have so many kids. Today, I hypothesized during the 20 minute digression in class, that maybe it's not just because we understand the sacrifices we're making for ultimate happiness as a family unit or that it's part of God's plan, but also because our pregnancies are not as tormenting with restrictions of alcohol and coffee. Okay, that's silly - it's only 18 months, but apparently, some people can't go that long without just dying for a glass of wine. The conversations about soft cheeses, deli meat and sashimi were short lived while the talk of alcohol and coffee went on and on and on. It can't be healthy to rely so much on any substance, even if it wakes you up or makes you feel better. Logic tells me otherwise!