Cuddly Baby

My baby's been super cuddly lately.  He wants nobody but me, not even his Daddy will do.  If I leave him on the floor, he'll crawl over to me, pull himself up, and bounce up and down in his standing position, content just to be near me.  If he's tired and not in his usual chipper mood, that's not enough and he wants to be cuddled, but only by me!  Sometimes he'll crawl and mumble, "mum mum mum" in between small tears, unaware what it means, only a mutter used to get my attention.  I've never felt so loved!  Nothing can compare to the bit of pride sprinkled with a bit of guilt and pity for Andy since Jordan obviously prefers me now (I'm sure that won't last when mom's telling him to pick up his toys and dad is full of fun games and sports talk).

The last time Jordan really cuddled with us was around three months old, this new phase of his is quite refreshing.  Some things haven't changed in the eight months of Jordan's life... like how much he still loves the Bjorn, being held upside down, having his legs pulled straight (Asian wives' tale to get longer straighter legs), taking a bath, and smiling.  Other things... like the difficulty of changing his diaper, putting him to sleep, and putting his clothes on, continue to baffle me.

He loves balls, ropes, electronic devices (remote controllers, beepers, and phones) credit cards, putting all of these into his mouth, crawling, standing, Baby Einstein, and yours truly.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with his obsession of me, but then I remember... this won't last forever and he will grow up and not want to hug mom anymore.  So for now, I am indulging in the moment, taking it all in, and loving it.  Okay, so maybe not all the time, but I'm trying... and I remind myself of the honor and the greatness of being all that he wants sometimes.

Funny enough, for how much he loves me, I hardly have any photos of just him and me.  Better start asking strangers to take photos for me, or learn how to take better reverse shots of us (it's hard because all I focus on is how I look - egotistical me, and Jordan is always not paying attention when I look good hahahahaha).


Us at the BYU vs UCI volleyball game where the Cougars beat the Anteaters.  I know, Anteaters... really?

I Kissed His Poop

So many titles could have graced the headline of this blog post.

The Dirty Truth

Full of Crap

Covered in Poop

Stink of Motherhood

But nothing really resonated as much as I kissed poop... which is exactly what I thought with a huge face palm doh moment in my mind as I kissed it.  Of course it was not intentional.  Poop got on my son's arms and I washed it off... then, wanting to make sure it was scrubbed enough, I leaned in close to take a whiff... missed and ended up kissing some of the poop...  which was really more like diarrhea but poop sounds better than I kissed number 3.  Yes, by the color and texture, I should have known and not even have gotten close with my nose, but one does not think logically when caught in a stressful situation like this.  At least I did not.

This morning, Jordan and I went to our local "My-Gym" for free gym play time with Jessie and her mom!  My mom wanted Jordan and I to go to some Mommy and Me classes (with my work at home schedule and her close by, I don't make the effort to get with other moms for playdates as often as I should) so she paid for us to go for a few months.  So far, Jordan's loving it and the open crawl space and new toys always excite him.  However, this morning.. he looked gloomy.  Like something was on his mind.  Like he was distracted.  He was probably not feeling well.. as moments after we left, he yelled in his carseat while stretching out as if to break loose from the carseat.  We were on our way to Target when a huge fart-o-riffic- came out and I immediately flipped a U and turned us around to go home.

We got home five minutes later... and as I unbuckled Jordan from his carseat (he had fallen asleep at this point), I felt his back... soaked.  I took a blanket in the car (always have extra blankets in the car!), wrapped it around him from waist down, and noticing the carseat cushions were also plagued, took those with me as well.  Somewhere along the way, I think poop got on my jacket or my face... but I didn't notice... my only mission was to get to the apartment from the guest parking lot (it's actually a long walk.. I think a quarter of a mile) with Jordan propped in one arm, without his poop getting on more of me, and the obnoxiously overstuffed diaper bag on my other arm and my small purse, which I began using to store just my wallet and phone for times when I leave Jordan with Andy or want to run an errand and the diaper bag is close by in the car....

Off to the apartment we went.  It was a difficult journey.  It really did feel long.  My arms are really a lot more toned than they used to be because of Jordan.  We eventually made it.  Many breaths, spoken words of encouragement from myself, and steps later.  

Once inside, I assessed the damage.  Somehow, the diarrhea made its way to the outside of the diaper... into his pants...up his back... onto his onesie... and a little bit of the long sleeve shirt I put over his onesie.  So trying to take off his clothes... only made it worse as the poop got partially on his arms... and up higher on his back.  The blanket also had gashes of leftover remnants.  All I could think to do was wash off the poop.  So into the sink he went.... and then I noticed it on his arms... and without thinking, I washed and once done... bent over to smell his arms to make sure the stink was gone.... and that's when it happened.

I kissed his poop.

I know I should have just LOOKED at it.  But really.. my senses weren't functioning entirely.  I thought SMELLING it would somehow be superior to LOOKING at it.

That's not even the scariest part.  The scariest part is I was completely unfazed.  I knew what had to get done.. and I worked like a madwoman, washing.. scrubbing... cleaning... disinfecting...and laughing hysterically while wondering if my phone was within reach for some post poop photos... madwoman I tell you!

Notice the bright mustard color?

I have had a mustard obsession for a few years now.  All of a sudden, mustard clothing doesn't seem that desirable anymore.

Sleep

I miss you.  I long for you.  I wish you would come back into my life.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  Where are you?  Do you think of me too?  Do you miss me?  Do you think we'll ever meet again?  They say if you love something... to let it go and if it's yours... it will come back to you.  I'd like to be optimistic... but I'm quite the sure the future will not bring us together... but throw us farther apart.

Oh right.. and that baby who now pulls up and cries doesn't help either. That's why God made babies so cute and edible.  So when you're sleep deprived.... just one look has you melting with joy.  

His New Best Friend

Jordan's too young to date, but he's taken a liking to girls.  He seems easily distracted by pretty girls, he especially likes the big bows parents put on their short haired daughters, and ruffles.  And apparently, he likes the older ladies...  those dang 2 year olds, they sure are hot although they still scare him since they can walk and he can't, so instead... he's been pretty infatuated with Jessie lately.  

Jessie is exactly one week older than Jordan!  We have plans for date swaps with her parents and I am excited for Jordan because he seems to light up when Jessie is around (okay, maybe not "light" up, but at least he doesn't get scared... that's a huge step here).  With the two of them being so close in age, it's fun to observe their reactions to each other because they are both the first kids and their development and size are similar.. it's absolutely adorable!

I've noticed that Jordan is also very calm around Jessie... partly because she's so darn cute, but it also might be because older kids (even by a few months) might trample on him and are more aggressive and therefore, sometimes scare him.  He's a shy little boy.  Little babies, on the other hand, are just objects for him to grab at and I get nervous when he's playing with them.  I'm a paranoid mom.  But see, with Jessie... Jordan just grabs her shirt.. she grabs his... he grabs her hair bows, she grabs his face, it is very friendly and comfortable for both of them, nothing intimidating, nothing alarming... just nice.

This is from when Jordan and Jessie were about 5 months!  He's already very protective of her.  

The Diaper Days of Our Lives

It started out as a meaningless battle.  They all do.  Small insignificant scratches, some pinching even.  Grew into painful wounds.  Cries of discomfort.  Cries of pain.  Cries of anger.  Yelling.  So much yelling.  Screaming.  So much screaming.  Innocent bystanders, looking from the sidelines, unsure whether to laugh or cry.  Helpless victims.  Scars that may not fade away, not even with time.  The images in my mind... they don't stop.  The fear of it happening all over again.

Here is how I change Jordan's diaper now.  Both legs pin his arms down as his face turns beet red from the wails and resistance.  His legs are motionless in the photo, but in reality, they kick out and down, banging the floor and making the already difficult task of changing a diaper upside down, even more challenging.  Sometimes, I think he is in pain.  Are my thunder thighs suffocating him?  Is the upside down view of Mommy too much?  Is his bum more red than I can see from where I currently reside during changes?  Abandon those thoughts!  Any weakness will enable him to escape!  To roll over, diaperless, maybe staining the floor, or worse, your pants *gulp, man up!  Suck it up!  No prisoners!  

How do I know I'm not really hurting him?  That it's all a game to him?  That I must contain the situation and ensure victory on my part before he goes to war with me?!

Because within nanoseconds, he's smiling and cooing, and playing all around. 

Sneaky little cute adorable precious baby of mine.  Please stop rolling over during diaper changes.  Or at least poop when Daddy is home so I have an extra pair of hands to help me!

I waive my white flag of surrender.  The Huggies diapers (on sale at Costco now!) that have a longer side flap, superior to Kirkland brand's tiny flaps that Jordan can wiggle out of.

The Power of Moms

So I am a sucker for baby websites, parenting magazines, self improvement books, etc. and yes, I have been reading up on being a mom.  I understand that there's not prerequisite for being a parent, one just has to get busy and be lucky enough to conceive and then nine gruesome months later... you're with child!  But being a parent is so important... I always want to know more and be better safe than sorry.  Yes, I know my parents didn't do it that way.... yes, I know I still survived mom, but I still want to know what's out there and better prepare myself for the next twenty some years of life as a mother.  And, sometimes... when it's really tough and I just want to moan and groan and complain instead of remembering the good and knowing it's a blessing, I need support from other moms who have been through it.  That's when talking with other moms, or asking how another mom did it... really comes in handy.

That said, do you know how excited I was to stumble across the Power of Moms website.?!  Imagine me with my mouth open, and two hands holding up three with my thumb and pinky bent on both sides to make a big "WOW."  I was stoked!  The website offers free webinars, resources, blog links, learning tools, and awesome essays from real moms.

To make things even better, I found out they are having a Power of Moms retreat in Southern California the last week of January in La Canada!  That's super close to me!  The price was a bit hefty so I quickly e-mailed them with our struggling student status, asking if I could offer to help out in exchange for a reduced rate and lucky for me, they said yes!  Woo-hoo!!!  I can't wait to go to the retreat, to hear the wisdom (or craziness, only time will tell) from the other moms, and leave a little stronger and more prepared at this whole complicated and sometimes very difficult, but always rewarding, yes even when he poops on me or bites my boob, job of motherhood).  It's like I'm still working and I'm going to a big conference, except it's for my new job... the one as a mom.  I can't wait! Side note, what does one wear to something like this?...

Anyway, I should be working but I just spent some time reading an article on the Power of Moms website and wanted to share it because it's so good!  It's entitled "It's Not Just You,"  check it out, very quick read and very true (at least for me).

Silver Lining

It's easy to complain.  I'm good at it.  In fact, I'll bet you're also good at it.  Everyone's good at it.  There's not a person I can think of who is bad at complaining.  It's one of those easy to dos, cross it off my list, give myself a pat on the back and call it a day because you have succeeded at the art of complaining.  In fact, I am a certified bona fide complainer.

But trying not to complain-- to take things as they are, to look to the silver lining and give gratitude for things we have instead of wishing for things we don't, now that is hard. Harder than hard.  Hardest.  Harder than hardest.  Near impossible.  Mission impossible.  No can do, no way jose.  Don't even think about it.

Our car got broken into while visiting Andy's sister last weekend.  Okay, let's be real - we left the door unlocked and now, we are without our GPS and a set of keys which had access to our home and two cars.  So now, wherever we go, whenever we leave or arrive, I turn to Andy and ask, "Did we lock our door?"  Normally, he might roll his eyes at my paranoia, but now, he focuses... ponders and if he's unsure, one of us goes off to make sure it's locked.  Better safe than sorry.  Wish we thought of that before....

Our car got a flat tire this past weekend, also while visiting Andy's sister (yes, we're still here two weeks later and it's been a blast!).  I hate flat tires.  My fear for driving longer than 30 minutes on unfamiliar freeways is due mainly to the likelihood of getting a flat tire, followed by gang bangers shining their brights and coming after me for gang initiation, and of course, the crazy psycho whois probably stalking me from afar and will open my doors and come into my car while I'm at a stoplight (hence my doors are always locked) and threaten me with a real gun.  Paranoid much?

But the silver lining is... our car's most expensive item... our awesome Urbo stroller (market value $500, price to us: free courtesy of my mom's friends who manufacture Urbos in China) did not get stolen.  Jordan's bjorn, his new attachable seat for restaurants, his carseat, and my Camelback, also did not get stolen.  We did not get a flat tire while I drove back alone at 5 AM from SFO to Tammy's on the newly downloaded GPS app from the iPhone.

There is always a silver lining.  And, with everything that happens in this life... sometimes we're just not privy to the bigger picture until later.  Yeah, I am still confident the same perpetrator who broke into our car and took our valuables left a nail in my tire, but until I can prove it and catch the thief... I am so grateful that my baby stuff was safe, that I made it home safely, and that I was at Tammy's where we took her car instead of mine, hence we found the tire when it was super flat instead of driving on it.

Silver lining.

Always.