And I keep hitting repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat!
I always imagined a career change would push me to move. Or a mid-life crisis if I was still single and looking. Instead, it's for my husband and our family. Kind of funny how things turn out and what you'll do for the things that matter. For the things you love.
We had been waiting for Match Day since Monday when we were notified that Andy indeed matched. For some reason, I had convinced myself that I was going to be happy in New Mexico. On the bright side, we only had to move once for the five year program. I had done such a good job of managing my expectations that when we matched with Utah, (a program we didn't think we had much of a chance to match with) the envelope reveal made me speechless. For those who know me, I'm pretty verbose and being speechless is quite rare. ><
I'm excited, of course I'm excited... but let's face it, I was going to be scared out of my mind at some point regardless of where we matched (so long as it was outside of California). Despite wanting to go somewhere cheaper and more conservative than the uber liberal, expensive, and pretty superficial state of California, I have not know much of anything else. I do not know how to live in cold weather. It's completely foreign to me. I can't wear flip flops all the time?! I have to wear socks?! I don't have boots for the cold... I have boots that are very distant from purposeful. Wannabe Uggs originally purchased to be paired with tights and skirts and a few pairs of Doc Martens that Andy thinks look manly and chunky, some high heeled boots never worn more than three consecutive hours and still like new, and some goth looking ones for a phase I went through in 2008. Yes... my collection is sparse and far from applicable for our new adventures in Spokane (for a year) and Salt Lake City. What do you mean it snows in March elsewhere? Winter is a few weeks and some rainy days in February, right?? .....
I'm nervous. Very nervous. Nervous about moving, leaving, and having to make friends and find my places (you know, to cut your hair, get a facial, buy this, buy that...etc.) again.
I'm eager. Very eager. Eager to pack, unpack, organize, put things inside of boxes, rearrange, clean, and make a new home for us.
I'm tired. Very tired. Tired of thinking where to begin. Tired of realizing I'm a bit of a hoarder pack rat. Tired of the emotional drain and curiosity I have about whether or not I can do this.
I'm happy. Very happy. Happy that we'll be close to family, and happy that Jordan will have easy access to family.
I'm sad. Very sad. Sad that we'll be leaving family here and sad that Asian food will never taste so good for so cheap and be so easy.
I also wonder quite a bit. What's it like over there? Will I like it? Can I be positive? What's there to do? Can I look on the bright side? Will I make any new friends? Do I know how to dress warm enough? Will it be fun? Will I get used to it quickly? Will I miss California? Will Jordan remember his family here?
I don't have any answers. Only questions. And so I just sing this song to remember I'm doing this for things I love.
I, I love you like a love song, baby. I, I love you like a love song, baby. And I keep hitting re-peat, peat, peat, peat, peat, peat. .....