Thursday, May 30, 2013

Second Time Around

I am enjoying my new baby so much more than I did last time around.  I can hold Bubba in my arms and just stare with awe and joy and love.  My heart aches and I feel so fulfilled every time he lays there contently.  Maybe it's because he was in the NICU for so long.  Maybe it's because there are so many blessings of family, friends, and tender mercies that I'd be ungrateful not to enjoy it.  Maybe it's because I'm not so dang worried because I feel like I actually know something now (but this might be a gross misconception).  Maybe it's because he's hooked up to a monitor so I'll be alerted if his heart rate goes up or down or he stops breathing.

All I do know is whatever I'm feeling now.. the second time around... I think is what some moms often describe as being enamored or sooo insanely happy with their firstborn that I don't think I ever really fully understood until now.  I get it now.  I feel it now.  I just can't get enough. And I am loving it.  I'm punch drunk with love with my cute little baby.  And my big baby has also been so great.  He is the beset big brother so far!!

Jordan is so in love with his little brother, which is so nice and such a blessing given the stories I've heard of friends with two boys and the older boy simply hating his limelight stolen and being mean to the lil one.  I think it helps that Jordan was given a lot of notice about Adam, that he only got to see him through the NICU window at first, and that he has become accustomed to Mommy not always being around (hospital bedrest was two weeks!).  In anticipation of his baby brother, Bubba, (he never calls him Adam), we also read a lot of books about big brothers, brothers, and new babies.  There were also so many reminders around the house about Bubba coming home soon.  For example, we got Bubba a baby swing that sat in its box since Bubba was still in the NICU even after I was discharged.  Jordan kept pointing to the box and telling us it was for Bubba.  And since Bubba never came home for a month, he continued pointing at the box everyday to advise us that was his baby brother Bubba's as if we'd forget.  When we drove by the hospital, we'd tell him to say hi to Bubba.  When one of us left for the NICU to visit Adam, we'd tell him we were going to go see Bubba.  So now that Bubba is home, Jordan is stoked everyday.  He was grinning from ear to ear when Bubba came home, knows he has to use the hand sanitizer before we let him touch him, and loves touching Bubba's feet.  He has been able to hold Bubba (with the help of Daddy), and wakes up every morning running into our room asking about Bubba and then peering over the pack n play to see him.  If Bubba makes funny sounds, Jordan mimics it and then laughs.  It has been so sweet to watch how much Jordan appreciates his lil brother's presence in the home.

It is tiring, but I'm over here laughing at myself as a first time mom because the second time is so much harder.  The first time around, May helped me change the baby's diaper before I would feed him (I know, she's a champ man!) in the middle of the night.  This time around, I not only get up to change Adam's diaper and feed him, but have to time it right so I can also pump for 15 minutes (the times I haven't have not been pretty.. imagine lots of dripping milk and an unhappy mom and crying baby).  If I'm not careful and neglect taking a nap in the afternoon, the night shift is awful.  To make matters worse, Andy is on nights which means he works from 5 PM until 7 AM, but during the day I get lots of help from May and Andy who help feed while I pump and Jordan sleeps in the same room as Grandma so if he wakes up, May is there to comfort him.  It's wonderful!


Lauren said...

Hurray! I'm glad you're enjoying your sweet little bundle, and that is so wonderful that he and Jordan are already the ready the best of friends!

Aunt LoLo said...

I sooo know what you mean. I am in love with my a different way from my other two.It actually aches.

Why do you need to pump? Does Bubba have issues latching?