In the meantime, it's only two more months before we make the move to Salt Lake City and currently, we are looking towards another week of NICU time before the doctors can give us a better sense of discharge plans for Adam. He is doing very well for his gestational age per the doctors and nurses, eating better than expected, but is back under the lights as his bilirubin indicating jaundice just spiked again. I make my way to the hospital four times out of his eight care sessions every 24 hours, pump every 3 hours, and try to sleep somewhere in between there.
I want so badly to pick up my other son, Jordan, but I am not allowed to per doctor's orders and my own husband's. For six weeks, I am not to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds, which includes my now 28 pound 2 year old sweetheart of a son. This means no trips out of our apartment where we live on the third floor with only stairs available (even though he can walk them while holding your hand or the rail) because getting him into the car also consists of picking him up. I know not every c-section patient obeys those orders, but given I went into pre-term labor while healthy (or so I thought...) and had my baby at 34 weeks and 4 days, I am going to listen closely and do whatever I can to fully recover and be able bodied by the time we are moving in the end of June.
Currently though.... I am sick of being useless on a bed and useless with a weak stomach that is recovering and swollen everythings on my body. I am tired of not being able to run and play with my son, or do simple tasks like pick up items that weight 11 pounds. I am eager to recover and will do anything I need to fully recover and be available for my family come time.
I am looking to the silver linings of our situation, knowing that his cord didn't prolapse, that he didn't have a traumatic delivery, that I was awake during the surgery, that he is alive and growing and doing well, that we have had so much help from Andy's mom (who has been with us since day two of hospitalized bedrest and just left today but will be back in two weeks again... thank goodness for all her love, willingness to help, and energy to kick it with Jordan 24/7) and an overwhelming outpouring of love and support from our family and friends. I am looking to the fact that my drive to the hospital is only about 12 minutes door to door, that the nurses have all been so great and amazing, and that we have a plan in place for the two weeks I will be on my own whether Adam is still in the NICU or if he's discharged (which includes my mother financially helping us pay for help since she could not be here herself to help out). I am happy that my Chinese mother sent me a huge package of frozen perishable Chinese healing foods which despite my disbelief in its tremendous milk producing prowess, tastes like home and comforts me (even though it has invaded our freezer space). I am lucky to have a father-in-law who has been on his own for two weeks while his sweet wife takes care of us. I am blessed to have family who offer constant support and encouragement throughout each change of plans and update. I am smiling for my sweet son who does not seem to notice things have changed a bit around here and is pretty go lucky and easy and will still ditch Mom, Dad, and even Grandma for his best buddy, Finn. I am amazed by my strong husband who has put up with my every request for this or that and has been there with me through serious fears and has been my rock. I am grateful for my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus during this time as I have noticed how greatly a day not started with prayer is compared to a day that starts with one. I am uplifted by guidance given by church leaders about faith during trials and an eternal perspective. I am guided by my faith during this trying time and I know I could also do without it, but I'm glad I do not have to.
And so with that, I am officially on blog leave (though Andy will be by from time to time to blog) for at least six weeks (same as my maternity leave from work).