A Moment of Spiritual Learning

Sometimes I have to work on Sundays.  It's normally because I have a deadline and my dumb self couldn't figure it out before then.  Every year, there are two large moments when I inevitably will hit a deadline that means me working on Sunday.  Quarterly, it's usually when financials are due, but annually, it's when our tax information is due.

A few Sundays ago.. I was feeling quite dreadful, knowing that there was so much to data input and then analyze, and that I'd have to figure out how to reconcile it without too big of a difference.  On Saturday night... late.. I had about a 60K difference, a small number from my days of auditing big companies where materiality was more, but a large number for me now.  I was dumbfounded.  Frustrated.  Defeated.  Sad.  Depressed.  And sick to top it off!

On Sunday morning... still coming off a rough cough and illness, I suggested to my husband that since I wasn't teaching that weekend, and since Jordan was still getting over a cold himself, that maybe we should stay home and rest.  Deep down, I had plans of reconciling the bum out of that spreadsheet....  I had some hesitation.  But really, I just kept thinking how great it would be to sit down and figure out the spreadsheet with three hours of church time.

I was lounging around in the morning with Jordan when he asked me where Daddy was.  I said, "Daddy is showering so he can go to Church."  Jordan then declared, "I want to go to Church too!"  That sort of kicked me in the butt a little.  I realized.... I was sick, but I had been sick, and had been doing a lot of things while sick.  If anything, I should go to Church, avoid working and renew myself spiritually, and hopefully the Lord would help me out with my huge reconciling difference.  I also realized that Jordan was his messenger for me that morning, reminding me that there really wasn't a good reason NOT to go to Church.  So I put the stress of a spreadsheet I still hadn't figured out aside, got my boys dressed, got dressed myself, and surprised Andy who thought we were staying home to recuperate.

Church was good.  Nothing life changing, but good nevertheless.  But what happened after really shocked me and continues to be yet another reason I know coincidences are just part of the Lord's way of showing us He's there and aware of us.  I got home.. we ate lunch... the boys went to sleep (all three of them) and then I sat down with the dreadful spreadsheet again.  For some reason, I had an inkling that the error was in the gross wages... so I started investigating that area.  I did some ticking and tying and the next thing I knew... I had my difference from 60K down to less than 1k.  It was indeed a miracle.  I was still sick.. but Jordan didn't have a fever anymore that day and both of us were on the road to recovery.

Sometimes... I think it's easy to be tempted to stay home... to do it on your own even if it means trying over and over again.  But other times... if we realize the Lord can help us more than we can ourselves... we save a lot of time and energy.  I truly believe the Lord consecrates our efforts... helps us where we can't.  I'm not saying don't try and just rely completely on the Lord to do everything, but that if we put in a bit of effort the Lord will make up for where we lack.  I do believe in that and humble testify to it happening in my life a few Sundays ago when staying home to work felt more appealing than going to Church.

But the real reason I am blogging at 12 AM is because we just came home from cleaning the Temple.  Now let me tell you something... cleaning the Temple at 10 PM on a weeknight?  I was not in good graces when my husband told me he had signed us up.  In fact, I was a bit irate.  Really?  Doesn't he know I work at night when everyone's asleep?  Plus, I had to make some changes to the very spreadsheet mentioned above and send it to my bossman tonight.  So that just meant I'd go to the Temple with Andy, come home and then work.  So off I went.  Very begrudgingly.  I vacuumed for a long time.  On a really clean carpet and squealed with joy every time I saw a piece of lint get sucked up.  I sweated.  I got bored.  I wondered if we were done yet.  My eyes got misty with fatigue and boredom but I kept at it.  And then we left to go home.  I started working on my spreadsheet almost immediately when we got home... and within 10 minutes, it was done.  WOW.

Pretty dang awesome if you ask me.

Conference Weekend

I'm still a recent enough convert that I always think back to the first time I ever watched Conference in April 2009.  I count ... this is my ninth General Conference!  Twice a year, my Church.. the LDS Church aka Mormons aka Momos take time off from Church and attend four two hour sessions split over two days listening to our Prophet, Apostles, and other Church leaders speak.  It is always a very uplifting and edifying time and I always feel that ticklish, heartwarming, teary eyed familiarity that I recognize as the Spirit.

This weekend was the first time Jordan seemed to get that we were staying in to watch Conference.  Unlike the past when he's become bored or not been able to function when we're focusing on the messages... he was easily entertained with a few things.  The rather makeshift tent that Andy put together with some of our actual tent sticks, pipe cleaners, ribbons, and sheets, and his other toys.  He stopped to listen to the Prophet when we told him he was on, and seemed to understand, at least a little bit, that it was important to be reverent and pay attention.  I know he sings songs in Nursery on Sundays, so he seemed more intrigued by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's music every now and then, and for the most part, he kept himself busy and didn't bother us.  As a result, I was able to listen to many of the talks during the session (which hasn't exactly been the case for the last three or four sessions).

I also stayed focused in on the messages by taking notes on my phone and using twitter.  I'd scroll through the posts with hashtag #ldsconf and also retweet things I liked and tweet a bit of my own.  It was really fun (I didn't do it the entire time.. but for a majority of two sessions).  Some of the tweeters would tweet quotes as they were being said, so it was as if I had a plethora of great notes right in front of me to review right after.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and felt it helped me focus instead of fall asleep (guilty as charged.. fell asleep during the Prophet's closing talk).

We also got to see a lot of family (Andy's cousin is leaving on a mission soon so he was in town with his parents, his aunt was visiting his cousin who just had a baby so we got to see them, a two week old - so small!, a few cousins, and of course Andy's immediate family all weekend long).

We had hot chocolate, baked pancake, apple cider, chicken fajitas, omelettes, and fresh squeezed lemonade from Chick Fil a.  Twas a great weekend.  We also took some photos of the grandkids with Ogo and May for their Christmas cards.  I had a fun time editing the photos and can't wait to create our own family Christmas card.  These are just some of my favorites.

Merry Christmas Eve

Christmas is such a wonderful holiday filled with so much love, family, and remembrance of our Savior.  No matter how much Christmas has been PC-friendly-nized, it is still Christ-mas.  So until they change the name of the holiday (like how the White House now calls Christmas trees holiday trees which is so lame btw), it's still a religious holiday!

In the midst of the religious holiday, I've said it before, and I'll say it again.. it has never been as big of a deal in my life now as it has ever pre-religious me.  Yet despite how much bigger of a deal it is now, it is so much more special now and that I can't deny.  The story of Jesus, the love for Jesus, the love for such a sacrifice - it all is so beautiful and precious and makes this day of giving (even when it is a lot of giving) so much more special!

I'm always hesitant when it comes to spending a lot of money on material items or traditions that might seem like recurring actions that are just for show, but I've come to appreciate the beauty of finding gifts that people really do value and appreciate and traditions that bring us closer or help enhance the spirit of Christmas.  It has been a wonderful journey and though it's still easy for me (no pressure, nothing to compare to.. never had a mom or dad who did anything big for Christmas so no traditions to place the bar high) in my humble opinion having no prior expectations, I can easily see how over the years, with more children and a larger family.. it will become harder.

I really wanted to do a few things this Christmas like a Christmas card and chex mix for our friends.  None of that happened because of timing, other to do items that had higher priority, and what not.  But that doesn't mean we can't have a New Year card or chex mix later!  So here's my gift to all of you - the best dang chex mix recipe in the world from my dear friend Sara (it's a Hawaii original hehe).

The Best Party Mix Ever

Ingredients

½ bag     pretzel sticks

1 box      Corn or Rice Chex

½ box     Crispix

½ box     Honey Comb

Syrup

½ c.          margarine or butter

½ c.          Karo light syrup

3 T.          sugar

1-2           drops of vanilla

                 

Instructions

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

In microwave oven, heat syrup ingredients for about 1-1.5 minutes.  Remove from microwave and mix well.

Put cereals and pretzel sticks in a 10x14 roasting pan.  Mix gently.

Spread one-third to a half of the heated mixture over cereal mix.  Mix cereal with rubber spatula to spread sauce evenly.  Repeat until all the sauce is used.

Bake for 1 hour, mixing cereal every 15 minutes.

Cool, but continue to mix so cereal does not stick to pan.

When completely cool, store in plastic bags.

*I'll post photos later. 

When I Used to Run 5Ks

We had our Young Women in Excellence this past Thursday.  For Church, my calling is a Laurel Advisor, which means I teach a lesson almost every Sunday to girls ages 16-18.  I have the 16 year old girls because we only have one, and to have her be in a class all by herself would be cruel.  So technically, you could say I am a Mia-Maid and Laurel advisor.

I love working with the girls, they make me feel young again, even if they also make me feel old at times, especially when I ask them if they've seen Clueless, and they tell me yes but when we do the math, I know the movie came out before when they were a baby or were still in their mother's wombs.  Insane!  I am the youngest out of the leaders, so that makes me feel good (hey, you gotta take what you can get - of course, all the other leaders have 2-5 kids and some have teenagers so... kinda puts into perspective where I am in comparison).  Anyhow, I digress.

Young Women in Excellence is a program we had where the girls got to present what they had been working on for their personal progress program.  Obviously, since I did not grow up in the Church, I never did the program, but when Tammy, my sister-in-law, got called to be the Young Women president a year or so ago, she asked me to join her in trying out some of the requirements for the girls as part of our family goals.  It's like she knew I'd eventually be in Young Women or something, but it was a great help, because I was able to learn about the different sections, the different values and activities associated with each.  It's a LOT of work.  Learn more about it here.  Tammy and I catered our attempt for the family goals and cut out a lot of the really time consuming projects, but we still got a really good sense of what they do.

So at the Young Women in Excellence program on Thursday, which was sports themed (the leaders wore matching cute pink shirts and did silly cheers in front of everyone, we tailgated with tons of delicious food, and we had a referee flip a coin between two girls to decide who got to present first), our Young Women president, Maddy, got up to present after all the girls did, because after being called to be president, she, like Tammy, also tried to do some personal progress.  She talked about her project which was starting to run, something she had NEVER done before, and was culminating her efforts in an actual registered 5K run this morning.

It made me really emotional to hear about her experience because I remember when I went through my running phase.  Unlike her, it wasn't for personal progress, but it was similar.  I was trying to do something good for myself, trying to improve and get healthy, had never ever been a runner (nor do I ever want to be again), and was trying to fill up my time with something to do before all my hungover friends woke up and we would party again.  What's funny is, it made me realize how grateful I am for all the busy mom and wife family stuff I sometimes can feel stuck doing, because if I think back carefully to that time in my life, I can recall a sense of loneliness and desperation to do something with my life.  To do something meaningful, whether it was volunteering, or planning parties, or filling my social calendar with running groups, 5Ks, shopping, brunch, etc. outside of my already busy work schedule.  I thrived on doing things, and I always wanted to do something that would fulfill me, yet I kept searching and seeking out things, never really finding what I was looking for... until I found God (it's like that Fray song..).

Never, in a million years, did I ever imagine myself a religious person, a Church goer, or a person of faith beyond the spiritual and good moral person I felt I was before.  Never, in a million years, did I think watching my son asleep would fill me with an emotion so tender and sweet, I could cry just thinking about it.  Sometimes life catches me off guard.  Though I know where I am is an amazing place full of so much to look forward to, so much to take in and enjoy, sometimes I feel burdened with the mindless tasks, the cleaning, the routine, and the duty.  But when I take just a brief moment to consider how it was before, I often only think of the fun and very LA and wreckless 20's type of life - the $300 on bottle service for a girlfriend's birthday because I can, the $150 jeans because they make my butt look good, the best brunch and lunch places all over Los Angeles, the dating, the partying, the happy hours, etc. and I forget that that life also was filled with a lot of yearning for more.  I'm glad I was able to hear Maddy's story about becoming a runner, because as I was listening to it, it reminded me of my own time as a runner, and how that time wasn't always that great.  I remember running into my friend Michelle at a 10K in Santa Monica, and we both remember how we were both trying to find something good to fill with our life and decided to pay and do a run in the morning.  Luckily, we both found God and the gospel... and it's just a tender mercy that we both were looking and found it.

This Christmas, I'm grateful for knowing why we celebrate Christmas.  I'm grateful for the gift of the Atonement.  I'm grateful that I could be forgiven and could come unto God.  I'm grateful that the next 5k, if I ever do one, will be with a stroller and at least one of my kids.  I'm grateful for a family and friends who are supportive and loving of me even though I'm Mormon now and my standards may be different than theirs.  I'm grateful for new friends and new family who have welcomed me and loved me and taught me.  I'm grateful for a husband who puts up with my craziness, who understands me, who tries to understand me more, and who loves me for who I am and who I can be.  I'm grateful for my past, my present, and my future, and I'm grateful for being reminded by the Spirit that where I am is so dang good.  Funny how a simple memory of when I used to run 5Ks can trigger so much. ..

The only recent photo we have of the four of us. ... we need to take more pictures.

typical Andy face and I think he's trying to point to baby #2

My Biggest Fans

At my Church, we all have callings which means we all do something for the Church.  None of our clergymen (Bishop and two counselors and a bunch of auxiliary leaders) are paid, our Bishop is a pediatrician and his counselors are both dentists.  My calling here in Washington consists of teaching classes almost every Sunday to a group of young women ages 16-18.  At first I was really intimidated because these girls were born when I was in high school.  That makes me ancient (or so it feels) but man, has it been fun!

When I used to work for the Firm, I was a huge training person.  I trained interns, associates, managers, senior managers, and even partners from LA to Chicago.  I absolutely loved it!  It was a bit nerve wrecking to get up at first, especially when the room was more than 60 people and I needed a microphone to speak, but once I was up, it was great!  I'd give anecdotes about the material, teach the material itself, vary my voice for some added fun, and always add in side remarks as I saw fit.  And it was also fun preparing for it - I'd always be accumulating more team bonding games, highlighting with four colors different sections of team discussion, instructor lead discussion, exercise, and slides, and using all my Firm provided colored tabs (those things are expensive!).  Now that I'm teaching classes almost every week for Church, it's sort of the same thing.  I prepare throughout the week, thinking of ways I can structure the lesson, tell stories, or do a group exercise.  Andy helps me a lot and I try to draw from ideas already out there and build on them.  Though I feel a bit out of the loop having not grown up in the Church, I feel like that perspective gives me added commentary on why the information and teachings are so great.  A lot of times I think, wow, I wish someone had shared this with me when I was their age!

For this past Sunday's lesson, I used an extended object lesson about why discipline in waiting or avoiding certain things could bring great rewards and amazing things later.  I used an idea that Elder Utchdorf had mentioned in a Conference talk a few years ago about a Stanford study done in 1972 with preschoold children and marshmallows.  The test subject children were given marshmallows and told they could have another one if they waited, or they could eat the one in front of them and not have anymore later.  They followed the children who waited and those who didn't, and saw significant parallels in later life successes for the children able to wait.  I told the girls they'd get something else if they were able to avoid eating their marshmallow until the end of the lesson.  I'm sure they had more discipline than preschool kids, but we had our lesson about discipline and had some pretty good discussions about how it can help you do good things and avoid bad things, and then everyone got rice krispie treats for waiting!  To add to that, Jordan and I made stickers for them this morning (yes, I have a sticker machine, are you jealous?  My sister-in-law, Tammy, got it for me a few Christmases ago).

I had a few extra stickers but of course.. my biggest fans had lots of fun wearing them while watching football.

The stickers say .. "Good things and sweet rewards come to those who wait" (because they got rice krispies treats which are .. duh... sweet!)  Yes, I do need a big circle puncher, but I haven't found a good one that doesn't require other parts yet, so I'll patiently wait some more.  Good things will surely come to me.

The Name Game

A name is important.  Freakonomics claims (along with many other insane things) that a name may partially determine the statistical success of your children in their future.  Naming a child.  It's one of the most important decisions we make as parents leading up to the actual births... there are dozens of books written on the subject, articles discussing the popular names of this year, and this decision coupled with what color scheme for their nursery, what else to put on the registry, and what movie to watch before life is utterly turned upside down and sleep is a luxury, is indeed an important one.

So when is it appropriate to use the same name?  A ridiculously obnoxiously hard to spell pronounce name?  A name that another family's kid has but you will only know for a few years before moving elsewhere?  A name belonging to a distant relative?  An in-law of an in-law?

I find it peculiar how many people love to make a stake for the names they want before a child is born.  I find it mortifying that I am of that population.  For years, I explored a litany of names I wanted for my future posterity, imagining them fulfilling the identities these names would take on.  I argued with ex-boyfriends about which names we could or could not use (useless exercise until you're married by the way), and I've enjoyed mocking the celebrity poor excuse for a unique names that are laugh out loud hilarious and silly while secretly considering if I'd ever use any of them (a few have crossed my mind more than once).  Having been a person who staked names with friends before, I understand (now, after one child) that it's all futile.  Nobody cares.  A name is a name... but there is absolutely no way your name will ever be that unique. Well, at least I say that because I had a kid first among all my friends.  Maybe if I were in their shoes, I'd feel differently.  HA!

So far, I've only met three other people named Daisy in my life.  Yesss!!!!!  I do love my name.

Since names are indeed important, let it be known here that Mormons belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  When someone says they are LDS, that means they belong to this Church.

Every Sunday, when we partake of the Sacrament, we are taking the name of Christ upon us as we renew our covenants, signifying the willingness we have to take His name upon us and promising to always remember Him.  Just a thought.

Ya'll Come Back Now

For the last couple of weeks, I have been quite busy with a lot of bachelorette party preparations for my BFF.  All the time while I was making matching "Don't Mess with Grace" party t-shirts, putting together party favors, preparing the ice breaker games, and grabbing old photos for a slideshow, I couldn't help but worry about the bachelorette party itself.

I wasn't always Mormon.  I had a pretty typical childhood, teenage life, and college experience and so my 20's were for the most part, full of the work hard play hard mentality. There's a popular saying from an LDS talk about a father telling his daughter to remember who she was.  And to be honest, I wondered if I would remember.  I had nightmares about breaking the Word of Wisdom where I'd take just a sip of some pretty tropical (and probably tasty with all that sugar!) drink adorned with a bright festive umbrella, and then I'd wake up and think that was out there and instead worry about what I'd wear when we went out, or if someone (like the old me) would tell me I wasn't dressed appropriately for the occasion.  And then, of course, I also had worries about how the games would go - if they'd think they were stupid, if they'd be bored, or if they'd wish I'd just stop with it all.  Silly things looking back now, but at the time - they were real concerns that I thought about constantly.  I prayed a lot about the weekend, asking for strength where I would not be strong enough, and for a good time bonding with girls, and for my scripture studying, I focused on my testimony and some talks about not looking back (or you'd turn into a pillar of salt! - remember Lot's wife?).  I didn't want to feel outcasted as the uptight religious Mormon girl nor did I want to feel like I had to remind everyone I did not drink, smoke, or wear short dresses.  I just wanted to have fun while being myself, not feel pressured, and be confident with the changes in my life.

Then Friday came and I was off for the weekend.  My first time away from Jordan for more than eight hours and overnight too.  I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't know half the girls who were coming though I had heard many stories about them over the last eight years.  I didn't know how hot it'd be.

The weekend turned out to be amazingly awesome.  Never did I feel alone or judged for not drinking or for what I wore.  Never did I feel criticized for staying in Friday night (I was tired, needed a shower, and hadn't yet studied my scriptures) or for not smoking after a meal (in fact, Wendy and I got to hang out as the odd women out).  Never did I wish I was home (despite missing Jordan and Andy a lot) and never was I bored.  What I did wish for was less heat, less humidity, more air conditioning, and more time!


The weekend was successfully fun.  I got to shop for five hours, finish a book, read some trashy celeb magazines, see my college and old firm buddy, Gena - who was driving through Austin on her way back to Dallas, eat a delicious BBQ chicken meal, walk around all night in flip-flops and a cowboy hat, and talk until 5 AM with two girls I've known for more than 20 years only to then wake up a little over 4 hours for Church completely refreshed and not one bit tired until the plane ride home where I got to sleep for as long as I wanted!  It was indeed fun and felt like I was high on life, but I doubt I had enough to keep me going all weekend long.   I know I am not that awesome and that the Lord had a hand in helping me out, and I'm very grateful for that.  

All the girls in our "Don't Mess with Grace" shirts (made by yours truly) in front of our haunted but legendary hotel, the Driskill, in downtown Austin!

 I blinged the hat and added a veil, should have made her wear a different colored shirt that said "I'm Grace" because EVERYONE kept asking us who Grace was.  

 Waiting to eat a scrumptious meal at Moonshine.... the place has awesome BBQ sauce with a kick in it, and we got some free bread pudding with ice cream (everything's bigger in Texas too!) for the bachelorette!

 These are my Arcadia buddies since the 90's.

 Yeah, don't mess with Grace or I'll shoot you with this gun plastered to the wall!

Our room of girls - Wendy made us do this and yes, we know we're in Texas, not Hawaii.

The best part?  I get to see everyone in exactly one week for the wedding.  

Three Years and Counting...

I asked my husband yesterday if he knew what day tomorrow was.  Startled and afraid he had missed an important date, he scoured his brain for an answer.  He looked at me with pleading eyes of guilt as he realized he had not a clue what I was talking about.  After a few minutes, he seemed proud that he knew what day it was.  "You went through the Temple?" he asked, partly declaring it, partly questioning it.  "No!" I exclaimed, pretending to be outraged at his ignorance.  Inside, I secretly smiled a little, knowing if he knew it was near the date I went through the Temple (two days before we got married), then he definitely would be able to figure it out.  I was wrong.  He struggled with other potential answers, but it took him a while.  He did finally get it.

Three years ago today, I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Aka, I became Mormon.  It seems like forever ago.  My life before seems so distant now.  I do remember everyone doubting me.  Questioning me.  Wondering why I couldn't just join some other less stringent church.  I remember hurtful accusations of whether the Church would even allow me to join.  I remember difficult lifestyle changes which were made.  I remember friendships that were affected.

I'm not the same person I was three years ago.  In some ways I'm better, but more importantly, I'm trying now.  I was a good person before I joined the Church, but I'm trying to be even better now.  Even though the obvious changes in my life from an outsider and a lot of my old co-workers was that I no longer partied the same, consumed alcoholic beverages or partook of inappropriate workplace discussions, the meaningful changes are those of more patience, humility, and hope in my life.  I'm still bitter about certain things, but they are lightened with the light of Christ.  I'm still realistically pessimistic about other such things, but I am now optimistically realistically pessimistic about it. But at least Mormon Daisy is no longer a paradox.

Three years and counting.  Seems like yesterday when this happened.

Excited right before...

Here's me with Bishop and Sister Price after the baptism

On Talents

Today at Church, there was a lesson on talents by one of my favorite people ever, Allison, who just got called to be Relief Society president!  Ahhh!  So for non-members or those unfamiliar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (more Momo information overload), that is the group of women 18 and over unless you are called to help out in Primary (kids ages 3 to 12 and Nursery with 18 month to 3 year olds) or Young Women or Men's (the teenagers ages 12 to 18).  I haven't ever been a huge fan of Relief Society after graduating to the family ward, and in fact always missed the friendships, lessons, and girls from the old Singles Ward days where I never felt like the only convert.  But boy was Relief Society amazing today, especially with Allison teaching.

She is such a sweet and lovely lady, one who I have gotten to know quite well despite the different places in life we are (she's got two teenage girls and I'm just starting), and though it'd be really fun to run off to play dates with all the other cool moms, the reality is I'm often stuck at home working or out running errands, so realizing I know Allison and can count her as one of my closest friends here in South Pasadena (despite her probably not saying the same) feels really good.  I've found myself hanging out with her and talking, not aware of the time that's passed, and I am guilty of having thought, on more than one occasion, how unfortunate it is that we're not closer in place of life so that we could be closer.  I really am going to miss her and am so excited for this new and very busy calling of Relief Society President, especially since I've witnessed firsthand how much work it can be with my mother-in-law being called right when Jordan was born and my sister-in-law being called to be Young Women's President around that same time too.  It's. a. LOT. of. work.

I digress.  Allison's lesson today was on the Parable of the Talents (summarized quickly the Lord gives three different people talents in quantities of five, two, and one.  The person with five doubles his talents, the same with two.... while one buries it and the Lord is not pleased with the latter).  I love this Parable as it always get me thinking I should work on my own skillsets, no matter how little they may be in comparison to others (as in I'm the two talents receiving person but I should still double it because four is better than two though still little compared to the five who is now ten).  The lesson also got me thinking about my own lack of talent and how I should capitalize and derive the most value I can out of those crappy talents by working on them.  As much as I may feign dislike for cooking, it is somewhat enjoyable and I am definitely better than I was pre-marriage (though probably not accounting for much being I only knew how to make salads, sandwiches, and tell you which frozen food from Trader Joe's were the best).

A lot of times, talents are ones we don't think much of.  Allison asked us during her lesson today, "how many good listeners do you know?"  Nobody responded and she continued with, "not many, because how hard is it not to speak up when talking to someone?" and I laughed, thinking - yeah, guilty as charged.  I'd like to be a better listener, maybe by first shutting up and focusing on what others have to say instead of hearing my own voice babble on and on.  I also find it extremely hard not to want to be just as crafty and cute as everyone else in the blogosphere or on facebook.  In fact, I do often have to remind myself that not throwing Jordan a cute first birthday party was a decision I made with Andy's support for both financial and logistical reasons, ones that I am still very happy with, except that is not apparent when I see all the ridiculously cute parties other moms have thrown for their first childs.  Fail.  Especially when my inherent competitive nature screams at me, you could have done that too you slothful sad excuse of a mother.  


And then there are husbands who remind you of the talents you do have but don't seem to recognize.  So I'm a lousy listener (am working on it), am a lousy do cute stuff for my kid (am also working on it), and am not as good of a cook as anyone else in my family (including my brother)... at least I know all the shortcuts in excel on a PC and a mac and how to wrap text, create filters, vlookup, and pivot tables (I think...).  I didn't think that was much but apparently, it impresses my husband oodles.

I don't think Heavenly Father cares what we can't do.  He only care that we use what we were given and double that.  It might not be a lot compared to others, but the Parable didn't say the ten talented person was loved more compared to the four talented one.  If only I could remember that.

Why Polygamy Doesn't Bother Me

We just finished a really fun vacation (stay-cation for us but friends visiting from all over) and it's a sad moment to dive back into reality.  Since last Wednesday, we've been enjoying the company of our friends from Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Santa Clara, California; and Gilbert, Arizona, respectively.  With only three bedrooms, 1267 square feet, two bathrooms, four families and three babies under the age of one, we had two air mattresses in use, two pack 'n' plays and a crib for the babies, new hauntingly close and intimate levels of bathroom habit insight, fun laughter, crazy inside jokes, some memories relived and many more lasting memories created.  And as for what we did... we ate, we laughed, we ate some more, and we walked like we were in Hong Kong.

It's been lonely in our small apartment without everyone around.  Even with the remnants of some leftover baby toy and clothes from our friends, it's not the same.  I miss everyone crammed into our little apartment, all hanging out in the Bluths' living room turned bedroom for the night.  I miss the bathroom always being occupied and getting ready with three other girls like we were in college.  I miss doing my nails with the other girls while the babies slept and the men waited on us.  I miss listening to everyone's couple stories and teaming up with your own gender in discussions about life and futures.  I miss the bathroom always being occupied and knowing a little too much about each person's bowel movements.  I miss the babies eating at the same time, each one using one of Jordan's three types of high chairs.  I miss going out and eating like Kings and Queens.  I miss how tired we got and how anxious we were the next day to continue venturing about LA (on our list of places visited: Olive 41, Disneyland, Super King, Fresh n Easy, Galco's Soda Pop Stop, Nordstrom Rack, Babies R Us, Costco, Oinkster, Fat Sal's, Milk, Sin Ba La, Ding Tai Fong, Cha-Cha Chicken, Venice Canals,

And so I got to thinking about polygamy.  I've never had an issue with polygamy like some people who investigate the Mormon Church.  I inquired about it during my investigation, but basically... the Asian people were doing this frequently in more recent times (think 1920's and probably twenty years thereafter), with a much harsher and abusive tone (watch Joy Luck Club, you'll know what I mean).  There was always a da ta ta or big wife, followed by er ta ta or second wife, and third wife, and so on and so forth.  The big wife always had all the power, and I'm sure a lot of the wives were forced into their positions by not having the means to survive otherwise.

Those who practiced polygamy within the Mormon Church back in the late 1800's did it for very different reasons, through inspiration by God to grow the Church, and not everyone was encouraged to do so!  There's a common misconception that basically every Mormon person practiced polygamy, like we all lived on some big farm or something.  In reality, it was a loving communal family who grew together, wives helping out one another, and many relationships were never even consummated.  True, there are many break off Mormon religions who have abused the concept and these are portrayed on crime shows often with young helpless girls forced into a marriage with some old dude... but that is not my impression or understanding of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' history with polygamy.  In fact, I once read an article from the 1970's in LIFE magazine, a first person recap of a girl who was looking back at her family's polygamist origins within the Mormon Church, commenting on how the early polygamy within the Church encouraged women's rights (did you know many Mormon women fought for that?!) and gave a lot of women the opportunity to go out and acquire and education or obtain a job in their desired field.  How is that so?  Well, with polygamy, they had other wives to help them out.  They weren't the only mothers are home.  You don't say! Way to go homegirls.

Anyway... polygamy in this sense was not a forced concept.  There were no young girls forced to marry old men.  Forced to give up their futures to become a wife.  Forced to wear long braids with Little House on the Praire type dresses.  Wrong religion.

It doesn't bother me.  It shouldn't bother you either.  And after a fun filled weekend with all those families... maybe we should have a new communal type family arrangement and all live in a huge house together, helping one another, always there to hang out.  Haha.  Just a thought.

Easter: The Holiday i Never Knew About

I've only been Mormon for a few years and each year... Easter continues to fascinate me.

The first year, I noticed nobody wore big fancy and brightly colored Easter hats or outfits to Church (still single then, this changes with kids).  Instead, there was a lot of beautiful music to celebrate Christ's resurrection and that He is risen, He suffered for us, and amazing testimonies of His love for us.

My second Easter was also Conference weekend, so much of my weekend was spent watching Conference, along with some Easter goody baskets I excitedly put together for Andy's cousins who were visiting us that weekend and one of my cousins.  I think we also watched The Three Ninjas that weekend.  Talk about throwback.

My third Easter was spent without any Easter baskets or eggs except for the growing egg inside my belly.  We went to Church but maybe since I was without child, I didn't notice any of the cute Easter outfits any of the kids wore.  I was too self absorbed in my own world, thinking of the cake I would make for a potluck dinner with close friends we were hosting that evening.  Our water was shut off right before friends were about to come over for dinner but our own Easter miracle was that our friends just got a free table that fit all of us for dinner at their place instead.

My fourth Easter was a whirlwind of mini-chocolate eggs, plastic eggs, Easter baskets, and a picture perfect Easter dinner complete with a rainbowed colored tablespread, matching dinnerware, a delicious assortment of cookies (shaped like bunnies and eggs!), cake (lopsided again but still delicious), Cobb salad (my favorite!), ham (marinated in something sugary but my was it delicious), and potatoes and lots of family as we spent it with Andy's sister's family.  I'm still on a sugar high and Andy and I are giddy over the assortment of candy we got from Jordan's baskets (he's too young for candy right?)  Jordan is quite pleased with the music that comes from banging two eggs together and all the baby snacks he got in his baskets but not aware of why we've dressed him in bright orange Gingham to match his cousins.

I never knew much about Easter.  To the rest of the world who do not know Jesus, it's a day of dyed eggs, Cadbury eggs, cute spring dresses, argyle sweaters in pastel colors, and don't forget the hats, champagne brunch, and sales.  Since I've gained a testimony of Jesus, it's become a special day of remembrance, more than a normal Sunday despite renewing promises and commitments made each Sunday.  And now that I have kids and have been exposed to family traditions, it's become a hybrid of uplifting reminders of the Atonement, of my Savior and His great sacrifice for me, as well as the overload of sugar, pastels, flowers, polka dots, argyle, and gingham.  The key is to balance the two, but it's going to be so much fun to be near family who also celebrate Easter in two years.  The best part is, I get a year to perfect my now traditional carrot cake, and a year to accumulate some ideas for baskets and activities for my kids.

I stole these photos from Tammy's post about Easter.

 

 

All I Want(ed) For Christmas

was some much needed sleep!  

For those who know me well, I don't care to sleep much.  I hate taking naps (I feel like my time has been stolen from me when I wake up two hours later because I can't do the twenty minute power naps, mine always end two hours later) but even I need a solid seven hours (which has been unheard of since having Jordan in our life).  

Lucky parents with kids who sleep through the night are something to be envied.  For a mere while, I counted myself lucky as my sweet son slept through the night.  That quickly changed with teething, crawling, and an overall desire to play instead of sleep.  It's always obvious when Jordan is tired, without fail he rubs his eyes and screams as he's falling asleep.  He will do whatever he can to stay awake, including hitting his toys so the noise will keep him up.

A wish came true this Christmas as Andy and I both got the chance to sleep in while Andy's parents and uncle played with Jordan every morning, enabling us to sleep in a bit.  You see, even if your child is an angel baby who sleeps through the night (unfortunately ours does not), babies are unaware of the adjustment in weekend sleep schedules so when you stay up until midnight or beyond, thinking you can salvage the lack of sleep with a later wake up the subsequent day, your child disregards this and is up and ready at the same time as normal, which for us is 7 AM.  Sleep was all I wanted for Christmas (okay, that and this amazing Anthropologie candle) and I got it!  And much much more...

My family has never been religious so Christmas being a big deal is sort of new to me.  We always had family dinner and presents when we were younger, but as we grew older, I can recall many times when it was just me and my brother eating together (the last time I remember was Christmas 2008 celebrated at Cheesecake Factory while our parents went out with their friends).  For those who treasure Christmas, that might seem odd or even sad, but really, it was great and we all enjoyed it.  Nobody complained, felt cheated, or thought it was un-Christmas.  Christmas was just another day that gave us a day off and an excuse to get together with family but as we grew older, it wasn't always convenient or necessary to get the entire extended family together, and the sentiment translated to our immediate family and didn't seem a big deal since we always ate together a lot anyway.  The presents stopped when I got to college, but if we ever see anything that we know the other person would enjoy, we never hesitate to get it for them.  So Christmas is really year round for my family in the material aspect.  As for the Christ centered part, it's non-existent.  Church for Christmas?  Not us.

So it's no surprise that this year, my first Christmas with a son was really tender.  It's not that last year wasn't, but this year turned my attention to all the thoughtful mothers who put so much time and effort into making Christmas special for their children, both by ensuring they understand it's a celebration of Christ's birth and that the greatest gift was given to all of us.  I cynically agree that Christmas shouldn't be the only time we have an excuse to give, that it should be part of our everyday tasks and thoughts, but I now see that it's not just Christmas that we give... we simply give even more during Christmas.

At first, I was overwhelmed with the presents we had to get everyone, the related costs, and how behind I felt (both in how unfestive our house was, how many nativities we lacked, and how little time we had to get everything), but my sweet husband showed me that it wasn't just about spending money (cuz if it was, I'm pretty good at that!), but being thoughtful in our gifts.  We carefully thought of things that each person would enjoy (we had some help with some wish lists) and put forth the time to make some gifts, and order others.

Christmas was amazing.  I had such a great time and in fact, I'm still on Christmas break, but my part-time from home job doesn't really allow for vacation, so I'm also still working and hence, the lack of blog posts.

 a snapshot from a book we made Andy's uncle called Found a Peanut.  Yes, Jordan, at age zero, has already published two books, the other is called If You Give Jordan a Sweet Potato.    We used a website called lulu.com, not to be confused with Lululemon, another favorite (but one we cannot currently afford, though my friend Sara gave me a tip that the factory stores have amazing deals!).

Our 1st Annual Tacky Christmas Party

One of my favorite parts about college was dressing up for crazy parties.  Coincidentally, that was also my favorite part about drinking before I became Momo.  So when people ask me if it was hard to give up alcohol, it's pretty easy to understand why it wasn't.  On the one hand, I had a source of strength from Heavenly Father that is indescribable and unlike any capability of my own.  On the other hand, I still get to dress in costume for parties (and my husband does not object and so far we have dressed up for Halloween, Christmas parties and we like to match for Church a lot).  Once dressed up, we have enjoyed the company of other friends of like minds and together, we have played wacky games and enjoyed Costco appetizers, bubbly Martinelli's and yummy desserts.

Enter....our 1st Annual Phillips' Tacky Christmas Party (the annual implies we will be doing this every year going forward now...)  This was the photo we used on our invite, our sweaters from 2009 which have been used 3 times but were never washed since everything was glue gunned on.  Hahaha... we can't find them, we think we threw them away.

Did I ever tell you I go to the largest ward (church meeting group we are demographically bound to) with so many young couples, that hosting a party actually becomes difficult to figure out how many people our tiny apartment can fit?!  There were so many people I've talked with a few times or gone to baby showers for who I wanted so badly to invite, but sensibly so, my husband advised me to keep the guest list to 50 (excluding kids).  Even though there is never 100% attendance, it was hard and I finally imposed an invite of couples and friends who had come to our apartment or hosted us at theirs at least once, or couples we had hung out with more than twice.  It sounds silly that we even have to do that, but seriously.. the friends we've made from our ward are many and our ward is hip, young, fun, hot, neat, and cool.  If I knew how small of a group would have actually showed up since a lot of people had left for the holidays, I would have invited way more people!  Okay, that's my sad rant for those who I love and have met and was not able to extend an invite to.

So apparently ugly Christmas sweater parties are so popular now, one cannot find anything good at Goodwill or Salvation Army.  The trick these days is to stop by K-Mart or Wal-Mart for a cheap and festive sweater or holiday outfit.  I made ours again (that seems to be the easiest way) so our outfits were under $5 for all three (used what I had).

 Blair and Tyler 

Jill and Sean 

Al, Alex and Whitney

Andy, Jordan and me

Mike and Cassy

Dan and Tori

Ryan and Diane

Jeff and Passelly

Gabby, Paselly, and me

 

Jordan loving that Cassy is feeding him instead of Daddy or Mommy

Whitney and me with our babies 

Jill and Whitney

We had a white elephant gift exchange with some hilarious gifts including a tall wicker giraffe that now sits in our living room.  

We also played Minute to Win-It and had so much fun, I failed to take any photos except for this one game which was hilarious... they had to use the banana to get the apple to the finish line.

And that's a wrap.  Hope your Christmas parties were as tacky as ours.  

People Are Just So Nice

Last year, we hosted our buddies from the Singles Ward at Andy's apartment (now our apartment) every Sunday. It was a really fun Sunday activity - we would potluck with great friends and then put them to work making Martha Stewart poms in light and dark purple. I ordered tissue paper from a local downtown wholesale supplier so we had a LOT of tissue paper. Understatement of the year. Just know every gift from here on out until probably 2020 will be wrapped with light or dark tissue paper with creases in them from the leftover poms we prepared. Ha! (We literally have four or five dozen folded and stapled poms in the closet storage).

The funny part is - that was only the prep. Once we were at the wedding reception hall, there was the act of puffing the poms. Our wedding party (and significant others) and super duper close friends flew in early to visit and play in LA, some went with me to the Temple for the first time, and of course - to come and help spruce up the basketball court!

I can't believe it's already been a year since all the wedding hoopla that was our life this time last year. These days, it's all about Jordan who is preciously sleeping away (uh-oh for my upcoming night shift) on the wannabe boppy and I am considering stealing away to the Apple Store for 45 minutes (I have been waiting since his last feeding but he is sleeping a lil too well!)...but I digress. Even though I can't believe how fast time flies, even more so, I cannot believe how kind our family and friends have been regardless of the situation.

Last year - it was to help with wedding stuff.

This year, it is to help with the new baby.


I am blown away and just baffled by the outpouring of love and time everyone has given us whether it was folding tissue paper, gluing pieces of foam and googly eyes to marshmallows for our seating cards, puffing poms or whether it is bringing us meals, holding the sleeping baby, cleaning up the house, rearranging the furniture, or just spending time with the new mom who rarely went out those first few weeks. I know these angels are sent by God and I am so grateful for the nice people. Man, people are just so nice!

Two Years Ago... One Year Ago...

Today, as I was boob feeding Jordan, I received an e-mail from Elder Vera, a missionary who taught me some lessons back in April 2009. His message was short - "Isn't it two years since you were baptized?" Wow! I completely forgot that today indeed marks a momentous occasion!

I cannot believe it has been two years. It seems like yesterday when I was blogging about my baptism.

Two years later, I have become one with another human, grown a human, and am currently producing milk. Things sure change a lot!

Around a year ago, I was showing my BF the basketball court (named "cultural hall" in all Mormon church buildings) where Andy and I were going to have our wedding reception free of charge - SCORE! Since it wasn't a church building I was familiar with, we both roamed in the hallways until we found the entrance to the cultural hall. We opened the door which was unlocked, excited that it was open and as soon as we stepped inside, the door closed behind us and we both gasped at the darkness that engulfed us. We stumbled around, looking for a light switch, astonished at how quickly it had gotten dark. We found a switch... it did nothing. We found another switch.. it also did nothing. We thought out loud about where else the light switch could be. We realized how big the room actually was. And then... it happened. The light was still off.. but we adjusted. We could see each other and the room pretty clearly now. We ignored our quest to find the light switch and began talking logistics of the reception. We finished and on our way out another door, we saw another switch and took a chance - tried it - and suddenly, our eyes squinted at the shock of the light. We had become accustomed to the dark, we were even able to see there, and this spark of light was drastically different and hard to digest all at once.

That is how I feel about my life with and without the light of Christ.

Before I was introduced to the Gospel, I always knew there was a God. Like everyone else in this world, my relationship with Him seemed to magnify during hardship when I would start a prayer with - If you're real, then I need to ask for your help or If you're out there... please answer me. I was essentially looking for the switch. But over time, not having a relationship with him, giving into the ways of the world, and justifying my own actions based on my own religion or philosophies of life, my eyes got used to the dark. I didn't need to find the switch anymore. I could navigate around the dark easily and did not even know I was in the dark. And then... once the light of Christ came into my life, it was hard to see at first. I found the switch. A little too much light. But once you have the light, why would you go back to the dark?

I am so grateful for having a relationship with Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for the Atonement and the understanding that it is for me and for you, and for everyone. I am so blessed that I found myself, found the truth, and found the light.

I like being the light more than the dark.