Working Mom

Sometimes when I read other mom's blog posts about how wonderful motherhood is despite all the hard work, pain, and suffering, I stop for a moment.. then I close their post and think some awful mean thoughts before I scold myself and repent.  I then wonder why I don't feel the same.  I tell myself to be more positive.  To look up.  Find the silver lining.  To turn that frown upside down.  Find the joy in every moment.  To be of good cheer.

But it's not always so easy. ...

I'm no Positive Patty... in fact, I'm quite opposite... I'm in the Negative Nancy ring and work has helped put me here.

Motherhood is great.  AWESOME.  AMAZING!  UNBELIEVABLE!   I really do genuinely love many of the moments, even the ones where I am losing patience and asking Heavenly Father for some much needed help (feels constant to be honest) because I realize how much I have to learn, how much I have to grow still, and how kind my cute son is to put up with me.  The joy that comes with the good... the tender smiles and giggles Jordan offers, the way he hugs or kisses me, the way he learns something new each day... that stuff is priceless and it's the stuff I live for.  But you know what sucks?!

Being a failure at work.  The part-time work that is.

Between trying to find time to send an e-mail, messing up on work stuff constantly (or so it feels), I just can't do it all.  Something has to give.  I need a break more than once a day and yet I try again.. how can I make this more efficient?  What can I cut out of my life?  What can I do to get a bit more time?  How can I improve my routine?  I'm like a broken record of a motherhood consultant, always trying to find a way to be better, to minimize the unnecessary, maximize the time savings...change the order, alter the approach, think outside the box, sleep a little less, sacrifice something else, get help from others, try it all again....  And the truth is... I've slowly lost an edge I used to have when it comes to work.  I'd like to think it's inevitable, but I think it just means I suck.  I'm slowly not as on top of things as I used to be when it comes to work stuff.  Things I should know about, things I should have a working knowledge about, they get missed.  Overlooked.  Neglected.  I make careless mistakes.  I make stupid mistakes.  I make newbie mistakes.  And it feels horrendous to suck at work.

There was an article I read recently about women not ever being able to have it all - work and family.  I don't disagree, but I never wanted it all.  I wanted part of it...?  I'm a part-time worker and a full-time mom.  And I love both of my jobs.  The working gig brings in cash.  Brings in the company of other professionals.  Brings in another perspective.  Makes me think.  Lets me use excel.  But at the same time, I really do not like, in fact, I detest, loathe, and abhor, being bad at work.  I like to be good at what I do, but who doesn't?  I prefer to excel, not suck.  And while motherhood is more subjective, this whole work thing is not.

So what to do working moms out there?  Does your work product suffer or is it just me?

I have to remind myself that it's hard to be a working mom (even part-time), but that it's worth it.  I honestly love my job.  I know many other moms who work part-time who also love their job.  There used to be a joke about this club that there is for people who hate their jobs.. it's called everybody and apparently they meet at the bar.  Well, not me!  Here's to being grateful for the things I have.. including a job I can potentially suck at quite a lot as of late.

A reminder of the perks of work.  Our quarterly meetings in beautiful Manhattan Beach.

Business casual never looked so good.

Our company has two businesses and for the search one (pictured here), there are only two women.  I'm special!

Another Sign of Aging

They say fashion recirculates every 20 years.  Having just recently turned 30, that means everything cycling through as "popular" or "trendy" is stuff I lived to see and was well aware of.  The 90's floral leggings or elastic stirrups my mom made me wear with lace ruffles on my socks.  The off the shoulder too short midriff that went with the polka dot leggings with lace on the hem.  Neon.  Lots of color.  Shoulder pads. Color blocking.  Big chunky ankle boots with laces.  Denim jackets without sleeves.

But try as I might.. I just can't get my head around some of the up and coming trends.  The revival of the Indian Navajo (and other tribes, I'm sure, yes I'm ignorant and a proud Apache grad) patterns, or bright floral, patterned, or skin tight leather leggings.

Remember that children's story, the Emperor's New Clothes?  We are living proof of it! Well, fashion is in the eye of the beholder.. and the more we see of this... the more it becomes normal and we grow to actually like it.  

Sorry, but try as I might, I still see these trends channeling Peggy Bundy and our generation becoming the Peggy Bundys of today.  There are some things I do like that are coming back.  Corduroy.  Elbow patches.  Neon.  Lace.  Animal print.  Oh wait, that's not back yet?  Tell that to my high school and college self who had too much zebra and leopard (I still dream of that one zebra evening gown.. oh how beautiful it would have been with red pumps)!

But seriously, I think all this just means I'm aging rapidly.  When I can go to J. Crew and Gap and actually like the stuff there...(I never made a single purchase from Gap growing up.. it always felt so stuffy and old people type clothing, it wasn't until 2006 or something and that was an epic day when I bought casual khakis from there) that is a sure sign that my taste has evolved to be more mature (and expensive).   It's like when the 70's came back in the form of bell bottoms and retro platforms when we were in high school and my dad laughed and laughed and then roared with more laughter as he told me time and time again, how that was stuff he used to wear in his day.  It's like how everyone loves the thick rimmed big square glasses we used to make fun of my pops for having (and my brother now sports .. yes, he's a spitting image of my dad from then).  Yes... fashion recycles itself but by the time you notice it, you are officially old.

Yet another sign of aging.

On another note, when do you think the MC Hammer pants will make a comeback? And my personal favorite... overalls.  Come back overalls!  You were so dang versatile!

Excel Geek

I have had an infatuation with Excel since I first learned how to use it in 2002.  Over time, as my skills became refined, and I became more comfortable with the shortcuts and potential that excel offered me, I fell in love.  Even when Excel changed (new versions and then re-learning shortcuts on the mac versus the PC), and our relationship became a challenge to maintain, I endured.  Persevered.  Held on.  For better or for worse.

And for the record, I am still constantly amazed by what Excel can do for me.

Budget.  Organize.  Sort.  Group.  Wrap Text  Copy and Paste.  Transpose.

So I thought I'd share some of the wonders of Excel and offer a basic budget template for a family.  I included tithing at the top which is how we Momos prioritize and budget.  The spreadsheet is pretty self explanatory, but I also included commentary to help guide users along.  Like any template, you can modify it and use it as you please.  Have fun like I do!

download budget template here

Resident Wives' Club

Who doesn't like being part of a club?  For the next year, there are a handful of doctors' wives that are all in the same boat as me.  Here for a year and then off again.  Unlike most of them, I was only with Andy through part of med school, but just like them.. this is only the beginning of a long journey still to be had as we all deal with paying back hefty school loans and raising kids while our husbands are away saving lives.  Getting to know them, hearing their experiences, and realizing I am not alone, has been encouraging, eye-opening, and uplifting.  Moreover, it's been fun to have other girls I can relate to on another level.  Other wives who have dealt with all the expensive and time consuming resident interviews.  Other wives who went through overnight calls and crazy med school schedules.  Other wives who are doing the mom gig full-time.  Other wives who have five more years before they can seriously call somewhere home.  And the best part is that these wives are all here, in close proximity (yeah, move closer Jess!) for the next year.

The families that had husbands with Saturday off (5 out of 7... not bad!) all gathered at Liberty Lake this Saturday for some fun summer volleyball, lake lounging, and sand playing relaxation.

Flashback Friday

Grace and I were talking about how LA we used to be.  We talked to celebrities in stores (to this day, our favorite is Jessica Biel who was so sincere and sweet), sat next to TV show stars, walked right by everyone who's anybody at the Emmy's three years in a row, mingled with sitcom stars at run/walks, or chatted with them like old friends at benefits, and of course, the infamous time our friend got hit on by Mike Tyson in Vegas, and his entourage invited our Asian crew up to their room for a party (super skech, we politely declined after taking a photo with him).  I remember seeing stars dine in hoity toity places that turned into lounges at night, but acting like it wasn't a big deal (inside it was), or realizing how short Ryan Seacrest is (really short).  Those were the days.  The fun LA days.

"But do we have any documentation of it Daiz?" Grace asked me.  Well, after Andy broke my work computer a week before turning it in upon resignation, I didn't have the chance to save most of my old photos.  So sadly, we only have a few.

But the video of Grace clapping as The Office wins for best show is still online!  So she is forever famous... sorta.

In talking about celebrities, Grace and I realized - they're just humans and the spectacular lure of them decreases when you meet them in person and realize they are just like you, only on TV and in magazines a lot more.  But why we study them so carefully and obsess about them, well - that I do not know, but at least I'm reminded that we shouldn't.  I'll try to limit my celebrity gossip even more than I already have.  I am already quite lost at the who's who of Hollywood these days and I hope to be even further disconnected with time.  

Confident With Baby Shopper

I used to worry constantly about how I would get the groceries once my kid was born.  I used to wonder how the other moms did it.  I used to tell my mother-in-law that there was no way I'd be able to do it without her.  I used to wish my son would grow up faster so he could sit nicely in the grocery cart with me.  How naive I was... to 1) think it was undoable, and 2) to think it would get easier.

It's been 15 months of grocery shopping with baby and I'm finally at a place where I feel pretty confident going with Jordan now.  I went from fledgling mother going on multiple trips to obtain everything I needed with baby strapped into his carseat and placed inside the cart to intermediate mother with then sitting child who giddy with excitement continually snapped photos to document it to know it all to confident shopper who doesn't even think I shouldn't get that until my husband is helping me anymore.  How did this happen?!

I can make it in and out in less than 15 minutes and effortlessly lug two gallons of milk, a week's worth of veggies and household cleaning products up three flights of stairs with Jordan in my bjorn.  I feel pretty dang good about it too.  And some of my friends (recently at the wedding) have commented on my now lean arms and stronger biceps - no doubt from the twenty pounds I carry daily (yeah, he's a skinny minnie) but also from the additional weights I occasionally add on for all our grocery needs.

I know it'll all change with another child (spare me the warning everybody with more than one child), but I'm pretty content with the routine we've got in place, and I wish I knew what I know now then.

1) Create a list - Never, and I mean NEVER, go to the grocery store with child just to pick up one or two items or to see what you may need.  Go with purpose.  Intent.  Create a plan.  A list.  Separate it by item category (veggies, meat, frozen, dairy, cleaning, personal hygiene products, etc.) too!

2) Go at an ideal time  - This one is a little trickier and took some time for me to finesse.  The perfect time for me is after Jordan has eaten... but also after he has gotten some energy out of his body, but not when he's so tired he'll become delirious (some kids get cranky, mine - he gets way deliriously hilarious).... that is not a huge window of opportunity, but after realizing it - I have made it a staple of our grocery trips.  If not, it will HAVE to wait.  I will make other adjustments.  I do not intend for Jordan to get out of his nice little grocery cart seat while in the store, but if he hasn't run around enough before we leave... he'll whine and try to stand up (no matter how tight you make the seatbelt!)

3) Bring distractions - Also known as typical household items and snacks. New items help - ones he has not seen before.  Contraptions with buttons or zippers or straps are all goodies.

4) Prepare your kid! Talk about the grocery trip - I know Jordan is too young to understand but I want to establish good habits young.  So I talk to him about where we're going, what we're getting at the grocery store and try to involve him in the process.  I hated going to the grocery store with my mom when I was a kid, but for me - it was a filial piety thing.  To not go would mean I was disobedient and disrespectful and I wanted to be the good kid.  My mom's mechanism worked also - she always got me a snack of boba milk tea at the place next door or some Chinese red bean filled circle crepe things, yum and I also got to pick out my own cereal and snacks.

5) Park by the cart drop off - I hate putting my cart in the lot randomly instead of the rightful place, in the cart return place.  But putting the stuff into the trunk, Jordan into his carseat, and then taking the cart back is near impossible!  So I find the parking spot CLOSEST - if not immediately next to - the cart return thing!  Genius!  Or so I thought when I first discovered it.  Given the choice between a spot right by the store and one far but by a cart return, I choose the latter.  Bonus points for spots that are close and have a cart return nearby!

I tried to find a recent photo of Jordan at the grocery store sitting nicely in the cart, but apparently, that's not a big deal anymore.  Trust me, it was a HUGE deal when he was a few months old, when he learned to sit, and now .. it's just a normal thing I suppose.  

Good Thing I Hoarded It All

I have a lot of dresses and skirts from high school that I've held onto, partly because there's hope I'll one day fit into them again, and also because I have dreams about repurposing 'em, making it wearable now.  Because a lot of my high school clothes were baggy or stretchy and because pregnancy has left my butt flatter than it used to be, I actually managed to fit into some of my old stuff now!

So lately, I've become obsessed with making old skirts and dresses into new ones.

I made two khaki skirts longer and got rid of a weird slit up the middle of one of them and then, I did the impossible.  I made a bridesmaid dress re-wearable!  Ho HO HO!!!

No, it's not a tube top - see below, it just looks like it.  

The thing you can't see are all the holes on the inside - some from the fabric I tore and the lopsided stitches I made.

Here is the dress four times, we wore 'em for Julia's wedding in 2010, they were such a steal too - $40 ABS formal dresses from Loehmann's.  Ahh, how I miss Loehmann's.

And now, wa-la!  A new skirt to go with those green and yellow shoes I can never find anything to wear with (but is it too matchy matchy?!)

I look bowl legged here. 

Hooray!  Yippee!  Next step: a stop to Forever 21 for some cheap accessories to revitalize some of my old stuff.  My friend Sara from my CMC days taught me to sew once- well, she basically sewed a top for me, I picked the fabric and style, but she was the first one to show me how to sew a straight line... and then, I've had one 2 hour class and everything else has been experimentation, well I think Sara would be proud of me.  I think so!