Friday, May 6, 2011

Motherhood is to Audit as.....

Motherhood ....It's not what I expected- of course it's only been a few five days, but so far it's hard, but not that hard, but wait - it's still definitely hard! So what I mean is.... well, err..... umm..

Don't get me wrong, my nipples are destroyed, I'm seriously sleep deprived, I am still healing down under, and I feel the void of human interaction that once came with my job and the freedom of maternity leave (and am so grateful I at least still have Andy and my mother in law here to talk with!) but the real reason I feel less intimidated is really because, sadly, when compared to audit, it ain't so bad (sorry to any potential auditors out there!).

Like we say in audit, the light is at the end of the tunnel - his feedings will become less, the diaper changing is easier every time I do another, and his smiles will become real (not just random sneaks I get that are meaningless for a few more weeks). Yes, it does suck to consistently sleep and get up and sleep and get up - just like an audit that goes longer than expected and you leave at 3 or 4 AM and then back to work at 8 AM (don't forget the long drive and loneliness once home, having to shower, sleep and wait-realizing you have not much time to sleep before you get up and do it all over again - ugh). It's a bit like getting up every 3 hours to feed Jordan. The difference is - my job as an auditor was never as rewarding as it is to see Jordan's little face light up when he is getting fed (the few times his eyes are open). Though I was never hormonal while auditing, only one client, to this day, has made me cry (but it was brief and he was a big dumb jerk!). Meanwhile, the daunting task of motherhood, if I'm getting it right, why I can't seem to calm him but my aunt and mother in law quickly can, the frustration of not being able to appease him combined with the fatigue and self imposed pressure to continue checking things off my list of "to-do's" has made me break down a few times, unsure why I'm crying except that sometimes it just feels good to let it out.

I guess the audit job was never as emotionally uplifting or challenging as the mom one. I guess there is truth to the fact that challenges faced not only build character but are so much more meaningful when overcome (not that I have overcome any of it so far). I guess my time in audit was actually helpful to my role as a mom now. I guess the time auditing was not an ultimate waste!

A co-worker told me being a mom is ten times more difficult than being an auditor. But I didn't trust his opinion, because what do men know about motherhood? jk...hahaha.. well, he was right and I'd agree. But the mom part is so much neater than a good review, at least so far it has been. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Who knows what the next feeding may bring? Guess 2 more hours will determine that.

Bundle of joy. Nipple annihilator. Cutie patootie. Poop specialist. Apple of my eye. Monster eater. My son.

More pics to come.. dunno where they are stored on the comp and I needs must sleep!

1 comment:

Jaime said...

First, CONGRATULATIONS!! Your life is forever changed. Hang in there, it gets better, really, really better! One day you're going to look into his eyes, and get the firmest confirmation that Motherhood is awesome, and there is no better place to be! It took a while for me, but I got there! He is beautiful!