Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side

My hair is disgustingly flat and straight. When I blowdry it, I use a big flat brush or a big round brush and I try to volume-unize it with hair spray and the back and forth of hot and cold air. So it only makes sense that when I have a special event (or if my hair has not been washed for 2 days and I need to mask the oiliness and have decided baby powder just won't do for the day - yes, it does work but don't put too much like I did once!), I can't wait to curl it! It's a proven fact that those with straight hair want curly hair and those with curly hair want straight hair. The grass is always greener on the other side!

Know anyone who wears glasses even though they have perfect eyesight? Not sunglasses, but glasses. Self-made four-eyed geek with frames and lens that don't have a prescription (or once at a concert I saw a girl with frames, no lenses... that was strange to say the least...). It actually somehow became cool for this generation to start wearing not only fake glasses but big thick ugly boxy square retro my-dad-wore-those-frames-in-the-80's-and-we-still-make-fun-of-him glasses. And of course, most people who have bad eyesight (if you're Asian, sorry, your eyes probably suck) can't wait to get contacts. Again, the grass is always greener on the other side!

When I was in school, the constant exams and everyday classes, lectures and group projects made me long for the time when I'd be in the real world, working and making money, enjoying my weekends away from studying. And then once I was in the working class, I longed for the simple days of nonchalant classes and studying, when the only real worry I had was, will I get a job after I graduate? which is now replaced by what kind of 401k contributions do I make? how do I select a good health insurance ? are my bills due? do they really tax that much? and I have to do my taxes! Yup, the grass is always greener on the other side!

Naturally, as the weeks are counting down to the commencement of my maternity leave (5 more weeks!) coupled with the oh-so-busy work days I have been enduring for the past week, I often think - I cannot wait until I'm on maternity leave and have time to shop, work out, watch movies, read, cook, spend time with friends and family, accomplish some crafting I have put aside for a while, organize more of the house, and relax! But... will the grass be greener on the other side again? Will I long for the daily interactions at work, the joy of meeting challenging deadlines, the engaging discussions about any and everything, even the difficult conversations that I facilitate as part of my job description?

Everyone says I will. Everyone says I'll be back in a jiffy. Everyone says just you wait! Everyone says they always thought they wanted to be a stay at home mom until they did it. Everyone says you just can't stay away from working! Everyone says just get a nanny! Everyone says - better yet, get a cleaning lady!

But none of these everyones understands that I have a deeper motivation for wanting to do these things. That based on my belief of the family structure it will ultimately benefit my family and that it is part of the role I have as a mother and wife. None of these everyones has the same support structure that I hope I will have. None of these everyones sees and hears of the testimonies of motherhood (and hardship too, but ultimately pure and everlasting joy from both the young and older moms and grandmas) from the other mothers in my Church. I am so grateful that I have a choice and I pick motherhood.

I know it's going to be hard - just like everyone said the real world would be hard and I still wanted it - and yes, occasionally reminisce about my school days, but still value the working values I have now! I know the grass is greener on the other side but I also know it is a blessing in my life to choose motherhood and the gospel has reinforced that inkling in me that always thought it, but might have been afraid to express it (especially considering the opinions of the everyones blaring in my ear).

Did you know our Church is not run by paid clergymen? Did you know everyone volunteers and has a "calling" and in essence, helps to run the Church? Did you know Jesus is at the head of our Church? Did you know our Church organization is set up the way it is through modern day revelation given to the church leaders? Did you know when we move we don't have to shop for churches, just map the closest one? And it's this precise modern day revelation that has led the Church to where it is today... that even among a world of everyones who want a baby as an accessory, a nanny to take care of their child's upbringing, a chef to take care of feeding the kids, and the notion that being a mom and a career woman is possible without sacrificing anything on either end (personally disagree), that I know motherhood is first and foremost where I belong and what will give my family and me the greatest joy and something I choose with all my heart and soul and body!

The grass is always greener on the other side.

But this motherhood grass will be where I reside, no matter how yellow it is (from pee) or how brown it may turn (from poop).


Ailinh said...

I loved this post.
a.) Totally know what you mean with the whole straight hair wanting curly thing.
b.) Totally know what you mean with the whole Asians have crappy eyesight thing
c.) Totally know what you mean about the whole motherhood thing.

And I hope the motherhood grass you'll be residing in brings hydration from sprinklers to help keep your grass staying fresh and green. :)

Chris and Paige Evans said...

I didn't get a chance to chat with you at church today but I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your talk! You are a great example :)

When you're on maternity leave let's have a scrap night - I'm serious!

SupaFlowaPowa said...

@Ailinh - hehehe scared about motherhood but excited too -
@Paige - can't wait to scrapbook - though I've seen your stuff and you're way professional but I'm excited to learn from you

Valerie said...

Found you on MMB and wanted to say that your header picture is so adorable!

Kimberly Bluestocking said...

If your experience is like mine you'll miss some things about work (e.g. productivity, clear sense of accomplishment, adult interaction), but you'll never really consider going back.

There are times when motherhood is frustrating or tedious (as with any other job :), but I can't imagine outsourcing my kids' upbringing, or missing out on their milestones and fun moments.

P.S. Alas, white girls can have lousy vision, too. Huzzah for contacts!

AE Jones said...

Love this post and couldn't agree more on the motherhood and staying at home thing. I'm not married yet (getting engaged next month) but when I do get to the point of having kids and leaving my career, I'll do it with a smile. Nothing I want more than to take care of those little ones! Thank you!!!