1) We're on vacation
2) My computer broke
Okay, really because of number 2.
I have been out of commission for about 5 days, one of which we were at Disneyland, so it wasn't so bad. Not having my computer for the couple of days made me realize how much I rely on my computer. It's like my new security blanket, a comforting place where I can keep myself updated by pouring over other peoples' blogs, waste time on the internet, budget, and of course, work, yet I'm glad I had the short respite, it really helps me realize I can be living in the moment instead of trying to document it or see what other people are doing. Seems trite but it's an eye-opening thing in our generation of instant everything via our numerous devices.
So it's almost 4 AM and everyone is sleeping but I just watched the latest episode of The Mindy Project (love that show!) and am now unable to fall asleep. Most parents, when asked what they miss most about being single versus a parent, claim sleep really is less with children (you can't really sleep in when the kids are young and wake up when they want and need you). I've actually never quite felt that way since I always have more sleep now than when I was working (especially during busy season). I know I can always take a short nap during the day and I am getting on average 7-8 hours a night, which is fabulous compared to 4-5 hours a night. Well... that is.. until this pregnancy.
Insomnia has been a constant in this pregnancy. My hips also are expanding and hurting me more than the previous pregnancy and it hurts to lay flat on my back. And, Arizona is hot. We have a fan in our room, but had moved it away from Jordan's air mattress so he wouldn't be tempted to put his fingers in or be scared of it (it makes a loud noise), but that coupled with my already rising body temperature has made it near impossible to sleep. I finally got up and moved it back towards me, since Jordan has made his way to our bed around 1 AM anyway. Right now, I am on Jordan's mini-air mattress, enjoying the cool air coming fromt he fan and my body is tired, my eyes are hurting, but somehow, I cannot fall asleep.
I have been thinking about work a lot lately and if I can manage it with two kids. I know I'll have family around to help out but with two kids, then three, maybe four in the next four years... will it be possible? I'm unsure. I know only time will tell but it's a bit stressful to think we'd be without the extra income which has been sooo helpful so far. I did obtain another job on the side while we were in LA last week, organizing and reconciling my mom's finances for her (something I've offered to do for free in the past but hey, if you want to pay me.. I won't argue), but still...
Real life is expensive. I suppose that's why they say growing up isn't always fun. It is though. It is really fun to plan how you will spend time together as a family, budgeted or not. It is really fun to watch you kid learn and grow and explore with things that don't cost money (like nature!). It is really fun to watch your child's face light up when you buy them a toy that they absolutely adore, treasure, and love. It is fun to be on vacation and spend a little more on dining out than we'd normally do. It is fun to be a grown-up too.
My second child keeps telling me to go to sleep. He is kicking me abruptly but aggressively, so I'll take that as my sign to try falling asleep again.