Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Marriage Is Work

I think marriage continually teaches and pushes you to seal the gap that exists between the two sexes.  We are learning the differing expectations and standards everyday, and trying our best to meet in the middle.  Remembering to praise the other for their efforts.  Avoiding the blame game.  Enjoying the differences that make us work as one.

Andy and I have inventory companionship once a week (inspired by Genny) and let me just say.. it is not easy.  The easy part is thinking of all the good things you appreciate your spouse for doing - that part is fun and great.  Everyone feels great afterwards.  All tingly and wonderful.  Like you're on top of the world!  Amazing!  Brilliant!  The best ever!  Then... comes the part about what you can work on and surprisingly so, (*sarcasm) that part is hard whether you're giving constructive advice for the other person or listening to what you can do better.  It is not fun.  At. ALL!  It's hard to swallow all that pride and commit to be better.  But don't we all have something to improve on? ...

Marriage is work.  And when you work consistently at it, the work becomes fun and doesn't feel like work.  And eventually it becomes easy easier.  So marriage is really easy if you are always working at it.  It's counterintuitive, isn't it?!

Part of making marriage work is understanding men and women are different.  We're wired differently. We think differently.  I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with the fact that Andy cannot multitask.  He is not faking it.. he really just cannot.  He does not know how.  It comes in handy when I need him to focus on something intently... but for the few times I am talking to him while he is on the computer and I assume he has processed everything I have said.. it is always consistently disappointing to realize I wasted my breath (you'd think I'd learn by now) especially when it feels like I can be browsing through blogs and listening to him (when in reality, my multitasking makes me more inefficient at times).

The other part is setting aside your pride and understanding you can change.  Instead of asserting why I am right, why my standards trump his, I have to compromise and recognize I am not always right and the house does not always have to be a certain way.  This part is not so fun.  This part is where the borderline OCD, sometimes type A anal retentive person in me has to back down and remember that I'm no longer single and living by myself.  There are three people now and I am only 33% versus the 100% I used to be.

It's worth it.  Because have you seen my husband?  He's a stud.

He's also a great dad!
And we are in it for the long-run, for all eternity.  Infinity and beyond. 


Genny said...

Bwahahaha, we only did 'comp inventory' that one time. Good luck with that! :) You guys are a cute couple.

Jeff said...

I prefer instant feedback, no time for festering.