Oh how joyful my day started! I had all the right documents, go to the driver license department with my two happy kids, and got out in less than thirty minutes.
That is what I tell myself in my alternate universe situation. Instead, I showed up without all the necessary documents (because I signed up online through my phone and didn't see the document list easily like I would have, had I used my stinking computer! oh technology! how you hurt me so!)
After deciding I could do it all in the three hour window before Jordan's school got out, I loaded the kids back into the van, drove 15 minutes home, got the necessary documents, used the restroom, drove to the bank for some more documents and some lollipops (important for later), and headed back to the Driver License office.
At least I have the time and car to drive back and forth, I thought to myself along the drive. Once we got there, I reloaded the kids back into the stroller, made our way back into the office, and got everything processed. The dude helping me then told me I had to go take a written test. I looked towards the testing area, noticing signs everywhere about shhhh, quiet zone, etc. and then I looked back at my 2 year old, using the Ipad to watch Big Hero 6. I quickly turned down the volume on his Ipad, only to be met by a glare and outward scream and grunt, a refusal of sorts, followed by a loud, "it's not loud enough Mommy!" declaration of defiance. Okay. ... so, what exactly was I going to do? And then he remembered. "Where's my green lollipop Mom?" So, the first time we entered, I saw a sign that said no food or drinks. So the second time we made our way back, I left the water bottles in the car as well as the three lollipops I got from our trusty Wells Fargo advisors (love their drive thru service, sometimes we drive through JUST for lollipops).
Mommy will give it to you after her test, okay?
A tantrum soon ensued. An epic, glorious, nobody will want kids after witnessing your disobedient insane child stomping his feet and yelling at the top of his lungs, "I WANT MY GREEN LOLLIPOP!!!!!"
Backfired.
Shoot.
Even the Ipad was of no consolation at this point. I quickly shuttled Bubba and Dagny over to the testing area, only to be stopped by a lady who worked there, asking me if I had any help with my kids. The good thing about Utah is, it's quite normal for someone to show up anywhere with kids, so I shot her a look of despair and said, "No, sorry..." and she suggested I try to sit in a testing seat on the side so I could keep my kids nearby. Dang it, I was hoping she'd take them for five minutes while I completed the test.
I started the test. Bubba kept screaming. I clicked through every question as quickly as I could, and then the SUBMIT after the automatic prompt ensuring you check your answer before submitting it. Dagny whining. Bubba screaming. Green lollipop. Stroller locked, Bubba trying to push it around, and then he somehow finds a way and manages to sort of maneuver it so that it begins to move out of place. Ugh. Pick the most conservative answer. Pick the most conservative answer. True or False... when lengthy, probably true. When short and insane, probably false. Dagny pushing her legs straight as if to say get me out of here. Has sat quietly for an hour now. I take her out, put her on my lap. Meanwhile, Bubba screaming "I WANT MY GREEN LOLLIPOP!" He walks around, I try to mutter some Chinese, a bit of please sit, please sit down Mom will get it for you after the test, and a few "shhhs" as if I care about the noise he is making and am a caring mom who doesn't let her kids run amuck in the driver license office. But really, I could care less. I'm just trying to get through these questions. Nice lady comes by and offers him some coloring papers of Lightening McQueen, BUbba stares at her for a silent second and then starts to ball as he manages a muffled, "I WANT MY GREEN LOLLIPOP!" Clicking, clicking, going through questions. Stuck on something about anti-lock, what does anti-lock mean? Dagny doing great. Bubba a big fat stinking mess. Bubba walking and trips. Continues to cry. Another lady walks by, the one who first asked me if I had any help with the kids, and she offers Bubba the same crayons and coloring sheets as the first lady. Pretend like it's the first time being offered, make small comment about oh yeah, Bubba want to color? before hearing him let out a yelping scream "I WANT MY GREEN LOLLIPOP!" Four more questions. Come on, hurry. Click. Bubba, do you want to help Mommy with her test? Screaming stops, he walks over and proceeds to try to click every answer I did not want him to. No, you just click after MOmmy - more screaming, more demands for his stupid green lollipop. Dagny still sitting like an angel, just observing her brother's antics.
First coloring lady walks over, "Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to come back to take the test" CRAZY LUNATIC DAISY RESPONDS, "I HAVE TWO MORE QUESTIONS, I'M ALMOST DONE - PLEASE JUST LET ME FINISH" with absolutely no regard for the bunch of people sitting next to me trying to take their test. Click submit. PASSED!!!
Run outside, park kids on the outside of the door, hope nobody will push them over the steps, run to car, grab the lollipops, tell Bubba something about how bad his behavior was so he understands he can't scream for stuff, makes him apologize, then gives him his stinking green lollipop, run back into the office, and the lady walks to me, wondering where I had gone, and gives me my old California license and my new Utah temporary license, something about it coming in the mail.
What a morning.
Next time.. I'll make sure I'm ready. Was my fault. but still... made it... passed. That was definitely Heavenly Father. Whew!
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